


The Darkest Depths

by RainbowDonkeys



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Crack, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sex Club, Smut, this story is wild
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-04-24 23:07:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14365653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowDonkeys/pseuds/RainbowDonkeys
Summary: Things were normal, then they were casual, and then they weren't.- NCT creates a sex club amongst their oldest members, and things get complicated.





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> hello guys! So I've been writing on aff for a couple years now, mostly because I never thought I was a good enough writer for ao3. I still don't think I'm good enough for ao3, but I hope you enjoy the story anyways! PS everything is crossposted on my aff under the user RainbowDonkeys.

Taeil’s eyes trailed along Mark’s figure leaving the room, and Johnny, Hansol, Yuta, and Doyoung knew Taeil had something important to say. There were certain things everyone generally knew not to share with Mark; sort of trying to protect an innocence that deep down they knew was long gone.

“I think I saw Taeyong and Ten....doing it.”

It didn’t surprise Doyoung. He’d heard whispers of such things: Ten’s distant expressions when he was asked about the girls he liked, quiet looks Ten and Taeyong shared when they thought no one was looking,Taeyong’s winces when Hansol called people he didn’t like faggots.

“So?” Johnny asked accusingly.

“I mean, it’s pretty...” Hansol said, the look of disgust on his face making his opinion evident. Taeil looked at both of them, not wanting to make either upset.

“So....I dunno. I just don’t know.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It didn’t take long for the whispers to become shouts. Nights where the pair would be gone until early morning, only returning with the reek of cigarettes and sex and seedy motels on their clothes, Donghyuck’s questions about if Ten and Taeyong’s friendship was ‘normal’, Ten’s hand on Taeyong’s lower back when the fans would go quiet when Taeyong performed.

“What a fag,” Hansol mumbled.

“You can’t use that word,” Taeyong responded, his voice shaky.

“What?”

“You can’t use that word,” Taeyong repeated.

“Why not?” Hansol responded with a chuckle. Everyone in that room, all the SM Rookies Jaehyun's age and older, averted their eyes from the conflict.

“It’s offensive,” Taeyong explained, voice growing stronger.

“Of course you would think so,” Hansol said. Ten’s eyes were still glued to the floor but his hands were trembling. He was terrified.

“Wh-what do you mean by that?” Taeyong protested. Taeyong knew exactly what Hansol meant, but he had to keep up appearances, or at least try.

“We know what you and Ten do when you think we aren’t looking. We think it’s disgusting,” Hansol said. Ten and Taeyong simultaneously sucked in a breath, and Ten ran out as fast as he could. Hansol sat back down on the couch, and Taeyong strode back to his room, but not until he growled a deep ‘fuck you’ to Hansol.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Taeyong, Ten, Jaehyun, Hansol, Doyoung, Johnny, Yuta, and Taeil were called in for a group meeting by Taeyong. Everyone knew why.

Ten couldn’t stop fidgeting, his eyes rimmed red. Taeyong sighed. He just looked tired, bags deep purple beneath his eyes and he seemed to be almost falling asleep in his chair.

“Let’s just cut to the chase. Me and Ten have been dating for about three months. I’m really sorry. We tried hard not to,” Taeyong explained.

Silence. Ten’s breaths were quick and audible. Taeyong didn’t move.

“Your relationship doesn’t bother me,” Johnny said after many moments of tension. Ten looked at Johnny, beyond grateful, but Taeyong was still dead to the world.

“I don’t have a problem with it either,” Jaehyun said.

“Me either,” Taeil added.

“I don’t care,” Yuta spoke.

Doyoung bit his lip. Taeyong and Ten’s relationship scared him; made him think about how he’d still never been loved, never been touched, never even felt attraction. It reminded him that the woman his brother had promised, the ‘right girl’, he had called her, the one who would make Doyoung feel all the things he was supposed to, still hadn’t shown up.

But Doyoung had nothing against Ten and Taeyong as people. In fact, they were his friends, and Hansol was kind of an ass.

“Your relationship is fine by me,” Doyoung eventually spoke. Taeyong’s expression finally changed, to one of surprise and familial love for the teenage boys who had actually sort of come to his defence.

“Really?” Taeyong asked, genuinely shocked. When everyone except Hansol nodded, he bit his lip and smiled.

“Um...I-I have to go,” Taeyong said, getting up and leaving for his room.

“So none of you are grossed out by this whole thing?” Hansol asked. Everyone just shook their heads at him.

“Well, I could never be in a group that supported homosexuality. I’ll be taking my leave of you god forsaken people tonight,” Hansol said decidedly, standing up.

“Good riddance,” Taeil mumbled.

“Yeah, go fuck yourself homophobe!” Yuta yelled back to him as he stormed off to pack his things.

Once he was gone, everyone turned back to Ten.

“Is Taeyong hyung okay?” Jaehyun asked. Ten smiled widely and nodded.

“Yeah, he’s actually great. I think he just didn’t want you all to see him cry,” Ten answered. “Happy tears, of course,” he explained. “It’s just.....this kind of reaction to coming out isn’t very common, especially in this country. It’s really rare for people to be so positive. I’m....I’m really glad you guys are my members,” Ten said affectionately.

“Trust me; we’re grateful to have you too,” Johnny spoke.


	2. chances

A sort of tension had washed over the dorm. Hansol was gone, but Ten and Taeyong acted as if nothing was different. They wouldn’t touch each other, wouldn’t speak to each other, out of fear or shame or some combination of both (at least in front of the others). It was strange to everyone. They didn’t seem to understand. They thought Ten and Taeyong were making it worse.

“Why won’t they just act like a couple? It’s weird,” Yuta complained.

“I think they’re still afraid we might be uncomfortable with their relationship,” Johnny responded.

“But we already told them we were okay with it,” Jaehyun spoke.

“They don’t trust us,” Johnny explained. “They’ve never been able to trust anyone before.”

They sighed. Johnny’s explanation made sense.

Weeks later, things were still the same. Doyoung and Jaehyun were secluded in their dorm, laying down and scrolling through their phones. Nobody knew where Taeyong and Ten were. They had to wait for them to come back to start practice.

“What are they doing?” Doyoung asked quietly.

“Having sex,” Jaehyun simply responded. His words made Doyoung’s ears burn. He didn’t even know how it worked between two men.

“Have you ever....” Jaehyun asked. Doyoung blushed and shook his head.

“Oh,” Jaehyun simply responded. Silence.

“To be honest....” Jaehyun started hesitantly. “Ten and Taeyong’s relationship.....it’s got me kind of curious, you know? What it would be like to....kiss another guy.” He punctuated his words with an uncomfortable chuckle.

As much as he hated to admit it, Doyoung felt the same way. It was funny, in a way, he’d never been curious to kiss a girl before. It’s not like he’d ever been kissed in the first place.

“Mmh,” Doyoung replied. Jaehyun couldn’t know.

The sound of the front door bursting open filled the small dorm.

“Alright guys, sorry we’re late. We were just quickly running choreography before practice,” Taeyong announced, a little too loud. Everyone came out of their rooms to head to practice. He and Ten were laughing and sharing hidden smiles, like they'd just won the lottery. The others were silent. Taeyong couldn’t fool them, and the bright grins quickly fell off Ten and Taeyong's faces. 

“What are those bruises, hyung?” Mark asked with concern, pointing to the purple marks on Ten’s neck. Ten winced and rubbed the skin sheepishly.

“Ten slipped and fell,” Taeyong quickly responded. Mark still couldn’t know. But he was young, and he could still be fooled. The others averted their eyes. They knew what those bruises meant.

Practice was silent.

~~~~~~~~~~

When the youngest of them had been put to bed and the bottles of liquor emerged from the fridge, it felt as though things returned to normal. Ten was his usual loud self, and Taeyong felt comfortable speaking to the others.

They were drunk in a matter of minutes.

“I’m fucking bored,” Johnny drawled.

“Let’s play a game,” Taeil suggested.

“Spin the bottle,” Yuta said firmly. Taeyong tensed while the others looked on curiously.

“Cmon, I know I’m not the only one who’s gotten a little curious,” he added, vaguely gesturing to Taeyong and Ten. “Wanna see what all the fuss is about.”

“He’s not wrong,” Jaehyun responded.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Johnny said.

“Y’all really wanna do some gay shit?” Ten asked with a giggle. Everyone nodded.

“Mmh, yeah,” Taeil responded, his body drunkenly circling. Taeyong grabbed an empty handle of vodka and put it in the middle of the circle.

“Are you guys sure about this?” He asked, fear in his eyes. Ten was too far gone; he could forget what was at stake. But to Taeyong's surprise, all the boys responded positively. It still didn't ease his heart, however. 

“Me first,” Yuta said excitedly, spinning the bottle until landed on Taeil. Blushing, Taeil leaned over and pecked Yuta’s lips.

“That’s fucking pathetic,” Ten said, barely able to hold himself up. “This is how a gay kiss works.” He grabbed Taeyong by the front of his shirt and pulled him into a sloppy drunken kiss. Inhibitions gone, tongues in each other’s mouths, hands all over, Doyoung felt like he was watching something private. It made him uncomfortable. It made him excited.

They pulled away, panting hard, and flopped back down onto the floor. “See that’s how you do it,” Ten said. “No more bad kisses. No no no. Not while I’m playing.” Taeyong's eyes widened in surprise, then he started giggling along with Ten. No one had ever seen Taeyong giggle before. 

"I've never seen two guys kiss like that," Taeil mumbled, echoing the other boy's slightly uncomfortable sentiments. 

"It was hot!" Yuta responded loudly, voicing the other half of their thoughts. 

"That's....how you kiss," Ten repeated, taking another swig and passing it to Taeyong.  

"Me," Johnny mumbled, spinning the bottle until it landed firmly on Ten. Ten started giggling while Taeyong glared at him. 

"Mine," Taeyong growled after taking a huge gulp.

"Babe! It's a game," Ten whined, Taeyong's arm wrapping around his waist. Taeyong at this point was now drunker than Ten. It was obvious by the way he was holding Ten close, keeping him near, kissing his neck in front of the others. The alcohol made him lose his inhibitions. The alcohol made him lose his fear. 

"Fine," Taeyong mumbled, but he shot Johnny a thick glare. Ten just giggled some more and pulled Johnny closer, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him in for a kiss. It was sloppy and drunk and everyone could see their tongues mashing together but Doyong could tell that both of them had done this before, even in his own drunks state. He'd never felt his own virginity pressing so harshly on his mind before. 

Ten pulled away laughing, immediately falling back into Taeyong's arms. 

"I just made out with a fucking dude!" Johnny cheered in English, both surprised and proud at his own bucket list accomplishment. 

"You're pretty good," Ten said. "But Taeyong's way better," he cooed. Taeyong smirked at pelted his face with kisses. This time the other's just laughed, but who knew whether it was because they were drunker or just getting more accustumed to their bandmate's relationship.

"I wanna spin," Taeil said softly, weakly spinning until it landed on Johnny. 

"Yes," Johnny mumbled, punching his fist. 

"Sorry if I'm not very good," Taeil spoke with laughter. 

"Why wouldn't you be good?" Johnny whined. 

"I just had my first kiss," Taeil admitted, still laughing. Clearly, the only reason for this revelation was his drunken state. 

"With who?" Johnny asked. Taeil started giggling like an idiot. 

"Yuta," Taeil responded, and began to full on laugh. Yuta and the others laughed along with him, imagining having their first kiss in this ridiculous of a situation. 

"I took your lip virginity," Yuta teased, smirking and giggling. 

"It barely even counted though," Ten whined. "Johnny might be your real first kiss."

"Take that bitch," Johnny mumbled confidentally to Yuta before gripping the back of Taeil's neck and pulling him close for a deep kiss. Johnny pressed harsh against him but Taeil seemed to love it, leaning in closer and drunkenly moaning against Johnny's lips. 

They pulled away panting and laughing. 

"Good, for someone who's never been kissed," Johnny spoke. 

"Fuck you," Taeil whined back jokingly. 

"I haven't kissed anyone!" Jaehyun whined loudly, interrupting Johnny and Taeil and spinning the bottle. Doyoung watched it circle round and round, feeling his head spin in time with the clear plastic bottle previously full of cheap vodka. 

"Doyoungie," Ten spoke teasingly, and even though Doyoung had been watching the bottle it hadn't quite registered to him that it had landed on him. 

"M-me?" He asked shyly, pointing to himself with a surprised expression. Everyone giggled and nodded at his reaction and Jaehyun brushed Doyoung's hair out of his face gently. 

"Ready to try this?" Jaehyun mumbled, leaning in closer with a strangely excited expression Doyoung couldn't put his finger on. Doyoung didn't know if he would ever be ready to kiss another man, and he knew that curiousity killed the cat but how could he truly be alive if he didn't do something crazy every once in a while? 

So Doyoung let Jaehyun lean in closer and press his soft lips against Doyoung's own. Doyoung was surprised by the feeling, the warmth building in his belly and the gentleness of Jaehyun's soft carresses, with his lips and fingertips. It felt good, too good for Doyoung's liking, but he was drunk and he just wanted to feel, for once. So he let it happen, let it continue, let himself push back into Jaehyun and take more of that wonderful feeling. 

They pulled away and yet remained close, close enough to feel each other's hot, alcohol stenched breaths fan across each other's faces and lips. Doyoung noticed Jaehyun's eyes quickly dart up and down Doyoung's figure before finally pulling away and putting Doyoung at peace. But Jaehyun's expression made Doyoung's cheeks turn red and his heart beat hard in his chest. He kind of hated it. He kind of loved it. 

"Who's next!" Ten called loudly, too loudly, but Doyoung could barely hear over his own mind racing over the shock of his own actions. What his friends think of this? His brothers? His parents?

Through the din of his own thoughts Doyoung barely had time to register before Yuta was pressing his own lips against his. He kissed back momentarily, instinct overtaking logic, before Doyoung frantically pulled away. 

He didn't like how good it felt.

But Jaehyun's hand was on his thigh and his lips were by his ear, and a shiver ran down Doyoung's spine. 

"Give yourself over," Jaehyun whispered in his ear. 

"To what?" Doyoung responded, turning his face to look at Jaehyun, so close together. 

"To....feeling," Jaehyun answered. 

Somehow, Doyoung couldn't resist that voice. So he did. All worries were forgotten, the alcohol and excitement of sexual touch pushing all inhibitions to the side. He leaned back in to grasp Yuta's shirt, kissing him with drunken passion. It wasn't as good as Jaehyun, maybe because Jaehyun was his first, but it still made him feel hot and wild. 

Yuta giggled once they pulled away, turning in to full blown laughter with his head thrown back. 

"You're good, Doyoungie," he mumbled sweetly, a knowing smile on his lips. 

"He is, isn't he," Jaehyun responded in a low but smiling tone, getting so close to Doyoung that Doyoung could feel his lips brush past his cheek before sharply pulling away. 

Things continued like this well into the early hours of the morning. Kisses becoming longer, hands moving more, lips pressing against necks and jawlines and collarbones, bodies resting on top of one another. They hadn't just tasted forbidden fruit, they'd eaten the whole god damn apple. But it felt good, not just the feeling of lips on lips but the naughtiness, the layer of taboo which gave these acts another layer of excitement. None of them were sure what would happen in the morning but for now it was all worth it. 

It wasn't until Taeil and Ten were passed out on the floor that the boys decided to sleep, Taeyong stumbling about to pick Ten up in his arms and carry him off to their bedroom. Despite his drunken state he managed to carry them both without sustaining too much injury, Taeyong's arms soft against Ten's lithe body. 

Nobody else noticed but Doyoung. It made him sober up a bit. 

For the others, this was just a game, of spin the bottle, of secretive fun. 

But to Ten and Taeyong, this was real life. 

Doyoung couldn't imagine. 

If he hadn't been drunk out of his mind the thought would've kept him up until well into the next day. But the alcohol in his veins put him right to sleep, and made him forget the thought until the future. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The pounding headache Doyoung awoke with kept him from forgetting the events of the previous morning. He groaned loudly, whether from his incredible hangover or incredible shame he could not tell. He turned to look at Jaehyun's sleeping figure in the twin bed next to his own, but quickly turned his gaze away, a blush forming on his cheeks. 

They had kissed last night. And not just a peck between two friends, but with tongues and touches and feelings that Doyoung wished had never happened. 

It had felt good to kiss him. The others too, but Jaehyun really stood out in his mind: his lips were like magic, making butterflies build in Doyoung's stomach. Just looking at Jaehyun flooded memories of the previous night into Doyoung's mind. He didn't like it at all. 

Shit. 

Doyoung got up and ran to the bathroom, barely holding in his hungover vomit before he reached the toilet. 

Doyoung felt as if he was at rock bottom. When he finished he sat up and looked into the mirror of the bathroom, wincing at the sight of himself. Hair a mess, skin palor, bright purple love bites dotting his neck. He sighed, turning his head away from his own reflection as he washed his face and brushed his teeth. It didn't help as much as he thought it would. 

When he finally returned to his room, Jaehyun was awake. They locked eyes for a brief moment before Doyoung forced himself to look away. He could still feel Jaehyun's gaze boring into him though. 

"You okay?" He asked gruffly. 

"No," Doyoung answered with a sad chuckle. Doyoung wasn't okay physically or mentally, but he hoped Jaehyun was just talking about his pressing hangover. "You?" He asked, only out of politeness. 

"I don't know," Jaehyun responded slowly. Doyoung felt his stomach burn, whether because of his hangover or the implication of Jaehyun's words, he wasn't sure. 

At that moment, Taeyong walked into Doyoung and Jaehyun's doorway and knocked on the side of the frame. 

"What's up?" Jaehyun asked. 

"Wanna smoke?" Taeyong responded, shaking a pack of cigarettes. "It'll make you feel better."

"Sure," Jaehyun immediately answered, getting out of bed and combing his hair with his fingers. Doyoung knew he shouldn't smoke, being a vocalist and all, but at this point he would've done anything to forget. Anyways, he'd never tried it before, and after last night, he figured what would be the problem with adding one more new experience?

The three boys walked out to the porch, just a tiny little landing with rusted metal bars leading to the fire escape. All of the others were there: Ten, Johnny, Yuta, and Taeil, each with a cigarette perched between their lips or fingers. They looked just as dead as Doyoung felt. 

"How do you guys feel today?" Taeyong asked, leaning against the rusted metal railing. A long pause followed his words. 

"Uncomfortable," Taeil slowly answered. The real word they were all looking for was shameful, but that would've meant that Ten and Taeyong were shameful. None of them wanted to think that's how they thought of them. 

Ten laughed darkly. "That's how it always is the first time. Relieving and liberating, yes, but also....uncomfortable. It's been pushed down on you for so long that feeling this way is wrong that you can't help but internalize it."

"We're not like you guys!" Doyoung loudly protested. "Well, at least I'm not." Everyone turned to look at him with varying expressions, ranging from agreement to hurt. The words unspoken but clear in Doyoung's tone was that it was wrong to be like Taeyong and Ten. 

Taeyong sighed, tilting his head back to breathe the cigarette smoke into the air. Ten sighed with hurt in his lungs, but Taeyong looked as if he expected nothing less. 

"W-well...if that's how you really feel..." Ten stuttered, walking off the balcony and back into the dorm. Taeyong put out his cigarette and silently followed. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"That was wrong of you to say," Jaehyun spoke later in the day, when Doyoung and Jaehyun were relaxing in their room later that day. 

Doyoung sighed. "I know....it isn't what I meant. It came out all wrong."

"You should go apologize to them," Jaehyun mumbled. 

"You're right," Doyoung responded, getting up and carefully avoiding any physical contact with Jaehyun before making his way to the kitchen. 

Inside, Ten was relaxing with his feet on the table while Taeyong was cooking for everyone in the dorm. Doyoung knew these two deserved better than the discrimination from himself and the other members. Hell, they deserved better from anyone. 

"Look..." Doyoung started. Ten looked up at him blankly and Taeyong didn't turn his head. "I'm really sorry about what I said. It came out all wrong."

Taeyong sighed. "It's okay. You've never been around people like us before. You just don't know." Doyoung guiltily sucked in a breath; he hadn't thought they would forgive him so easily. 

"I don't want you guys to think I think your relationship is wrong or bad. What you guys do together...it's okay with me. I promise."

"Don't worry about it. You kissed some boys, you liked it, and that made you uncomfortable. So you just took it out on us," Taeyong responded, finally turning to Doyoung and giving him a sad yet sincere smile. 

"Exactly," Doyoung breathed out. 

"Aw Doyoungie," Ten finally spoke, smiling affectionately up at Doyoung. He stood up, about to give Doyoung a hug but suddenly pulled away. Doyoung's heart broke at the way Ten uncomfortably hung his arms by his side. 

"You can hug me," Doyoung responded loudly. 

"Really?" Ten asked sincerely, smiling once again. 

"Of course," Doyoung responded, and Ten wrapped his arms around Doyoung tightly. Taeyong watched the two of them with a whistful smile. 

"I'm glad you're making the effort to understand. A lot of people don't even bother, you know," Taeyong spoke. 

"We're in the same boat, you know. I'm uncomfortable that I liked kissing Yuta," Ten responded with a giggle. 

"Hey!" Taeyong cried, and Ten pulled away and started to laugh. Doyoung laughed as well, and finally, things started to feel a bit normal. 


	3. curiosity killed the cat

In the days following NCT's wild night, Doyoung's mind was consistently occupied. He knew he wasn't the only one, by the hidden awkwardness of all the people who had participated in their game of spin the bottle, but they were all pretending like it didn't happen. 

Doyoung couldn't stop thinking about kissing. 

Lips, fingers, palms, all over his body, clouding his brain during practice and forcing his hand to touch himself at night in the shower. 

He had so many questions. How come it was so good? Was it because it was with a boy? Would it feel better if he kissed a girl? Was it because he was drunk? 

He wanted, craved, needed more. 

But he didn't want Johnny or Yuta or Taeil or even Taeyong and Ten. 

No, he wanted Jaehyun. 

None of the kisses with the others seemed to stick with him the way Jaehyun's did. He often found his eyes darting to Jaehyun's lips when they spoke. 

It was embarrassing. They were roommates for fuck's sake. 

"I'm bored," Jaehyun spoke, pulling Doyoung out of his thoughts one evening after a day's full of practice. Both of them had been silent, just staring at their phones, up until that moment. 

"Me too," Doyoung responded, staring pointedly at the lit up screen before him, not daring to look at Jaehyun. He knew he would blush, and then Jaehyun would know. 

But Doyoung could feel Jaehyun's eyes on him so he blushed anyways, trying as best he could to keep the rest of his face neutral. 

"You know, I can't stop thinking about it. That night," Jaehyun spoke. Doyoung finally looked at him in shock. He thought they weren't talking about it. 

This time, Jaehyun was the one who looked away uncomfortably, and Doyoung sat and watched as he squirmed in his seat. It was clear he was awaiting Jaehyun's response, nervously as well. 

"Me too," Doyoung hurriedly admitted, looking back down at the sheets beneath him. He heard Jaehyun swallow thickly and shift on his bed, contemplating their next move. 

They were inching into dangerous territory; either way they went at this point would lead to a terrifying result. 

"Did you like it?" Jaehyun asked, and Doyoung felt fire on his cheeks and stomach. They were out of the dangerous territory and onto the edge of a knife. Movement in either direction could result in the breaking of a friendship or even something more. 

"Yes," Doyoung responded, almost in a whisper. With his head still pointed to the bed beneath him his eyes looked to his side at Jaehyun's figure, looking at him the same way. Their eyes locked, unable to look away from certain disaster. 

"W-would you," Jaehyun stuttered, "Would you like to kiss me?" 

Doyoung sucked in a breath and instinct took over his brain, pushing away all logic and inhibitions. It was sort of like he was drunk again but instead of alcohol it was nervousness and excitement clouding his brain instead. 

He simply nodded, still looking over at Jaehyun. Jaehyun made a beckoning metion with his fingers, and Doyoung got up out of his own bed and walked over to Jaehyun's. Jaehyun laid down on his pillow, watching Doyoung with curiosity, nervousness, lust, fear, affection. 

With pink cheeks but eyes locked with Jaehyun's, Doyoung straddled himself over Jaehyun and got onto his hands and knees on the bed, crawling slowly towards Jaehyun's awaiting figure. 

When Doyoung was just close enough, Jaehyun closed the distance and finally pressed in. 

Butterflies. Sparks. Fireworks. The whole shabang. 

It felt even better sober. 

Jaehyun kissed him desperately and needily, lips growing slick against Doyoung's own. His hand tangled in the little hairs on the back of Doyoung's neck, the other resting gently and somehow innocently on Doyoung's waist. That hand was protective and affectionate, and Doyoung could feel warmth radiating from where it rested. 

Jaehyun's toothpaste minty breath was hot in Doyoung's mouth, and his skin smelled of the generic body soap all the members used. It was a sort of comfort amongst all the confusion, some form of familiarity in an interaction foreign to Doyoung in every way. 

The sound of their breathing and lips mixed together in such a serious way that Doyoung had to fight back a giggle, but he quickly burst. 

"What?" Jaehyun mumbled, his voice a shade deeper and huskier than before. Doyoung never thought he'd be able to do that to another person. 

"The sounds are funny," Doyoung responded, still smiling. 

"Don't listen," Jaehyun spoke, and as if those brief moments apart were practically painful he reached out and pulled Doyoung in once again. He rubbed circles on Doyoung's slim waist, breathing every inch of him in. 

The plushness of his heart shaped lips, the softness of his skin, the subtle smell of cherry blossoms eminating from his figure, the taste of fruit on his tongue, the most miniscule noises he released at every slight moment. He drove Jaehyun crazy in a way Jaehyun never thought another boy could. He wanted more. 

Pushing his tongue past Doyoung's perfect pink lips, Doyoung obliged immediately, tongues soft and circling in each other's mouths. It felt exceptional, open mouthed and languid, but only on the surface. Beneath that tranquility was a certain desperation between the two of them, searching but neither knew for what. 

Jaehyun still wanted more; he was frighteningly greedy when it came to kissing Doyoung (as he would quickly find out). 

He wanted Doyoung staring up at him with those wide, pretty eyes, blown in pleasure. 

He wanted Doyoung's frame underneath his own, his gentle body squirming in lust under Jaehyun's touch. 

He wanted Doyoung with marks dotting his neck, for everyone to know how he'd made Doyoung feel. 

He wanted Doyoung's soft skin underneath his fingers, pale and smooth, slightly warm from everything they'd done. 

And Jaehyun would do anything to get these things for himself. 

He flipped their bodies over so Jaehyun was on top of Doyoung in the blink of an eye, recapturing his lips without a moment's pause. Without the need to hold himself up Doyoung's hands could roam freely, one delicate hand tangling in his hair while the other rested, splayed, over the t-shirt on Jaehyun's broad back. 

Jaehyun kissed him harder and Doyoung gripped and squeezed, grasping at whatever he could reach. 

"Fuck," Jaehyun breathed out at the feeling of Doyoung's desperation, his breath fanning across Doyoung's slightly parted lips. 

"Y-yeah," Doyoung stuttered back weakly, wearing a light smile. Jaehyun cupped Doyoung's soft cheeks and rubbed tiny circles on the skin, watching the way the affectionate action colored Doyoung's skin. 

Doyoung shut his eyes, preparing for Jaehyun to kiss his lips once again but instead, his mouth fell onto Doyoung's neck. Doyoung tilted his head to the side, giving Jaehyun more access to mark and suck and bite the sensitive area. 

Doyoung whimpered as Jaehyun became rougher with him. He didn't mean to sound sexy or seductive but to Jaehyun's ears he sounded like some sort of sex god. Jaehyun released a quiet moan against Doyoung's neck and he looked down at Jaehyun with curious eyes, silently asking what sparked his pleasure. 

"You sound pretty," Jaehyun admitted simply. 

"I-It's kind of embarrassing," Doyoung responded, biting his lip shyly. 

"Wanna hear you," Jaehyun mumbled and went back to his work of marking up Doyoung's collarbone and shoulder. 

What Jaehyun wanted, Doyoung would give so he released all the small noises he'd been holding back before, still shy but not quite as embarrassed. 

When Jaehyun pulled away Doyoung touched the skin with his hand, finding the area super sensitive from each of the pretty little marks covering his delicate skin. 

Doyoung was staring up at him just how Jaehyun liked, but he wasn't quite broken enough. 

Jaehyun ground his hips down, and Doyoung's breath caught in his throat. 

Jaehyun repeated the action, forcing a mewl out of Doyoung's mouth. 

He was almost too pretty like this, so Jaehyun forced himself to close his eyes and kiss Doyoung once again. All those beautiful sounds were pressed into Jaehyun's mouth instead as they rubbed their clothed members together, hard and almost painful. It was lovely how Doyoung was so unsure of himself, circling his hips around in an almost delicate fashion, like he was desperate to please but didn't quite know how. It all just made Jaehyun more horny, pressing harder and harder and harder into Doyoung. 

The room was hot, too hot. Jaehyun needed clothes off, skin on skin, like he needed air to breath. 

He sat up and Doyoung followed immediately, not wanting to be parted from Jaehyun's touch for a single second. Jaehyun opened his eyes and looked over Doyoung. 

God, he was pretty.

Jaehyun lifted his own top over his head dropped it to the side of his bed before pulling off Doyoung's, tossing it onto his bed. 

"Fuck," Jaehyun breathed out before pulling Doyoung in for another close kiss. His hands roamed all over the bare skin, as did Doyoung's, exploring every inch of each other. Who knew when they'd have another man they could touch like this, so it was all brand new, tracing each difference between their bodies and female bodies. 

Jaehyun began to grind his hips again and Doyoung really moaned this time, and Jaehyun knew he was addicted. The sight of Doyoung splayed before him, the sound of Doyoung's pure pleasure, the taste of Doyoung's mouth (which sort of tasted like his own at that point), the smell of Doyoung's flowery and slightly sheened skin, the feeling of Doyoung's lean muscles rippling, the way he fell pliant at Jaehyun's hands. Jaehyun thought this boy was magic. 

But suddenly, Doyoung gently pushed him away with the smallest of touches on his shoulder. Jaehyun looked down at him and sucked in a thick breath.

Jaehyun had gotten everything he'd wanted. 

Jaehyun thought he was perfect like this. 

"We have to stop," Doyoung said softly, panting heavily and voice light. "I-I might....cum," Doyoung admitted shyly. 

At his words Jaehyun realized the intensity of his own arousal, cock impossibly hard and making a tent in his pants. As much as he would've liked to touch Doyoung more, hell, for the rest of his days on earth, he wasn't yet ready to cum with another man. Although it was quickly fading, the borderline between what was casual and what wasn't still remained. 

"Y-yeah," Jaehyun breathed back, hoisting himself off of Doyoung's half naked body. He admired the marks he'd given Doyoung with a sense of pride. 

"You can stay here, I'll go shower," Jaehyun said softly, wanting to relieve himself in case the other members noticed their little problems. Doyoung nodded at his words, and Jaehyun practically ran to the shower, the thought of Doyoung's perfect expressions still clouding his mind. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Although Doyoung wasn't hungry at all later, in the night time when all the members were in their rooms he forced himself to get up and get something to eat. That day had been...weird, to say the least, and he'd spent the rest of it in a sort of confused daze. 

At the sound of another person entering the kitchen Doyoung jumped with surprise. 

"Yo," Ten simply spoke, reaching for an ice cream bar in the freezer. Doyoung just watched him, paranoia taking over. What if Ten could read his mind? What if Ten had heard them? What if Ten knew?

Ten looked him up and down and Doyoung stared back nervously. Ten's eyebrows furrowed, and Doyoung's eyes widened with fear. 

"What are those marks on your neck?" Ten asked. 

Doyoung's skin went from pale to red to palor in seconds flat. 

"N-n-n-nothing," Doyoung responded with an extremely uncomfortable chuckle. Ten ignored his words, striding over to where Doyoung was standing, tugging down the corner of Doyoung's top to reveal even more purple love bites. 

"Who gave these to you?" Ten simply asked. 

"I...a....uh....ng....uh....mmh....um...ah...J-Jaehyun," Doyoung finally admitted. Ten grinned and waggled his eyebrows. 

"Hmm, trying out something new, are you?" Ten asked sneakily. Doyoung could only blush and whimper back. 

"Don't be embarrassed! It looks like it was good. Was it?" 

Doyoung just nodded and stared at Ten with embarrassment. 

"Promise you won't tell anyone?" Doyoung practically yelled a few seconds later, desperate and pleadingly. 

"Duh," Ten responded. He shot Doyoung a wink before grabbing his ice cream and leaving the kitchen. 

Doyoung's ramen had gone cold. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few days later, when Doyoung's hickies were finally beginning to fade (the other members were starting to get suspicious about Doyoung's turtlenecks and scarves, especially since it was springtime), he was relaxing on the couch with Johnny. The two of them were sat a distance apart, the TV blasting some drama that neither of them were particularly interested in. 

"So I heard you made out with Jaehyun," Johnny spoke, laughter on his lips. 

Doyoung squeaked and scooted as far away from Johnny as he could, clutching the opposite couch arm. Ten was the only person he'd told, and at the moment he could've murdered him. 

"Who told you?" Doyoung practically screamed. 

Johnny just laughed at his terrified and angry expressions. "No Doyoung. I literally heard you and Jaehyun making out. Well, I mostly heard you," he responded. 

Doyoung blushed hard and looked at Johnny with wide, scared eyes. 

"Why did you have to bring it up?" Doyoung whined. He'd only moaned so loud because Jaehyun had said he liked it. In his lustful stupidity he must have forgotten that others were at the dorm, just a thin wall between them. 

Johnny just laughed some more. "To be honest, it was kind of hot." Doyoung snapped towards Johnny in half a second, eyes full of confusion. "The other night, when we all made out, it was fun. I was kind of sad that I wouldn't get to do it again. But now that you and Jaehyun did it....I kind of want to do it too," Johnny explained, his words sincere but eyes full of mirth. 

"W-with...me?" Doyoung squeaked with surprise. Doyoung knew he was cute, but he'd never thought of himself as sexy, especially to other men. Jaehyun wanting to make out with him had been a light surprise, but Johnny's advances were absolutely shocking. 

Johnny chuckles in a way that's all too casual for Doyoung. "Yeah with you. You sounded so cute and sexy with Jaehyun. I wanted to hear it up close." Doyoung squeaked again, but he felt himself giving in to Johnny. He was curious to see if it was as good as with Jaehyun. 

He released his tight hold on the arm of the couch, inching in closer to Johnny's large and excited presence. 

"It's only a game you know. Just fucking around," Johnny spoke, looking over Doyoung's shy frame. Doyoung forced himself to push aside certain thoughts, the one telling him that what he'd done with Jaehyun was so much more than just fucking around, and pressed his lips against Johnny's. 

~~~~~~~~~~

After Doyoung's evening with Johnny, things Doyoung couldn't explain started happening around the dorm. 

The next evening, Johnny and Taeil walked into the kitchen for dinner wearing scarves. It was seventy degrees outside. Johnny winked at Doyoung, and there was no doubt in Doyoung's mind what had happened. 

Another afternoon, Doyoung came back from practice to find Yuta laying in Jaehyun's bed, topless and panting, a few love bites dotting his chest. They weren't kissing, but Doyoung knew exactly what they'd been up to. He couldn't deny the spark of jealousy that ran through him as Yuta ran off to the shower to go finish up. 

"I-I'll leave you to...uh...finish," Doyoung awkward mumbled. 

That's how Doyoung ended up in Taeil's room that night, trying to forget the tiny part of his brain that was angry with Jaehyun for touching someone else, mostly letting feeling take over, like Jaehyun had told him to that first night when they'd all just decided to let go. 

The two of them were both uncomfortable when Doyoung came back into their room late that night, sleepily collapsing onto his bed. 

"Was Taeil good?" Jaehyun mumbled, and Doyoung couldn't tell whether he detected jealousy or indifference coming from Jaehyun. 

"Yeah. Was Yuta?" Doyoung responded, trying not to sound too salty. 

"Mmh hmm," Jaehyun answered. He took a moment to pause. 

"But not as good as you," Jaehyun said softly, quietly, barely loud enough for Doyoung to hear. That was all it took for Doyoung to scurry over to Jaehyun's bed and spend the rest of the night in Jaehyun's arms. 

So that's how things continued, the boys entering each other's rooms and leaving with blooming love bites and blue balls. Not a word of it was ever spoken or mentioned or even implied but they all knew, at least all of those who were in the know. Donghyuck asked too many questions, as always, but he was young and could be fooled. Mark was oblivious, so he was no problem. 

Doyoung's favorite reaction was Taeyong and Ten's. They didn't say anything either, just watched from afar as the boys played their silly games. They laughed when yet another member emerged from the room of another, looking warn out and trying to hide their massive erection. Doyoung could tell it seemed funny, almost adorable to them. 

Sometimes it made Doyoung sad though. Taeyong and Ten knew the others were touching but they wouldn't do it themselves. If anyone walked in on them even hugging or holding hands they would break apart immediately, moving a foot away from each other. And none of them had ever heard them have sex together. It made Doyoung sad to think they were still afraid. He knew it was like what he'd thought before though: that to him and the others all of this was a sexy secretive game. But to Ten and Taeyong, it was real life, with real consequences. 

But no matter. Doyoung knew maybe what they did may have consequences in the end. They always said curiosity killed the cat. But then again, a cat has nine lives. 


	4. the club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is...kinda weird?? and very graphic?? it's low key stream of consciousness tbh, i hope yall enjoy it anyways hahah

After a couple weeks of sneaking around their younger members, Taeyong and Ten were fed up with their bandmate's actions. Yes, it was hilarious to watch them guiltily slink out of each other's rooms with hickies and unsatisfied boners, but after repeated blue balls the boys were getting cranky. Doyoung, Johnny, Jaehyun, Yuta, and Taeil would often snap at the others, because of how often they got so close to release but had it denied. 

"We have to do something about it," Taeyong said one afternoon when he and Ten were alone in their room. 

"Like what?" Ten asked. 

Taeyong sighed. "I'm not sure. They're just so irratable all the time. And there are so many things they don't know that they should. Like how to be more discreet and stuff. Things we just know from sneaking around for so long, but that could put them in danger," he responded. 

"That's true. I don't want them getting caught," Ten said with a sigh. "And what about their feelings?" 

"Feelings?" Taeyong questioned.

"Feelings. Come on, at least one of them has to be gay. And even if all of them are straight, with all this making out it's likely a few of them will catch feels for each other," Ten explained. 

"True," Taeyong responded with a sigh. "I just feel like we have a duty to help them out."

"I agree," Ten spoke. 

"But how?" Taeyong asked. 

Ten brightened up. "What if we turn this whole thing into a kind of...club? We would be the 'leaders', if you know what I mean. Make it like a secret club just between all of them. Set out rules and all that," Ten said. 

Taeyong's expression suddenly bloomed into a smile. "That's brilliant babe," Taeyong said softly, lightly cupping Ten's cheek and circling the soft skin. Ten blushed at Taeyong's affectionate action, resting their foreheads together. 

"I have the smartest boyfriend ever," Taeyong mumbled, and Ten laughed back softly. Both of their eyes darted to the door, making sure it was closed and locked before interlacing their fingers together. 

The two of them didn't often get moments alone like this; mostly out of fear of being caught. It was fine for Doyoung and Jaehyun and Taeil and Yuta and Johnny to do such things because it didn't mean anything, they were just experimenting and trying things out, they weren't actually gay. But because Ten and Taeyong were it was so much more dangerous; their whole livelihoods would be at stake. Pecks and hugs and soft touches weren't as risky; they could be hidden or misconstrued. But anything further had to be completely secret: all of the other rookies had to be gone from the dorm for the night, or they would have to spend the night at one of those seedy motels that Taeyong and Ten were starting to call home. 

Ten missed Taeyong all too much so he decided to take a risk, leaning in close and pressing his lips against Taeyong's soft ones. Taeyong smiled into the kiss, brushing Ten's soft dark hair out of his eyes.

A loud knock on the door forced Taeyong and Ten apart, shaking themselves off to be presentable for the others. They shared a sad frown, wishing they could just have a few more moments together. 

Ten sighed and stood up, opening the door. In front of him was Mark, wearing his practice clothes. 

"It's time for practice!" He said excitedly. Ten looked to Taeyong and smiled softly. 

"Let's go."

~~~~~~~~~~

That evening, when Mark and Donghyuck and all of those other young boys were put to bed, Ten and Taeyong called Johnny, Taeil, Yuta, Jaehyun, and Doyoung into the living room. Ten and Taeyong were sitting on the couch, Ten's head on Taeyong's shoulder and their fingers slightly intertwined. As soon as the other boys arrived they moved away from each other, leaving an inch of space between them. 

"Circle up, circle up," Taeyong called. The others all shared a confused and uncomfortable glance, but sat on the floor around where Taeyong and Ten were sitting, the five of them feeling like children in a kindergarten classroom. 

"What's going on?" Johnny asked. 

"Well, um," Ten started. 

"You see, we know what all of you are up to," Taeyong finished. The five young adults sitting on the floor all blushed and avoided each other's eyes. 

"What are you talking about?" Yuta asked, chuckling uncomfortably. 

"Yuta, you literally have a hickey on your neck," Ten deadpanned. Yuta blushed and Taeil mumbled a soft 'sorry' under his breath. 

"As I was saying, we know what all of you are up to. Obviously we don't care that much, since we're gay and all, but want to make sure you guys stay safe and all. I don't think you understand the risks involved in this sort of thing."

"Risks?" Taeil asked. 

"Exactly," Ten responded. 

"We figured it would be a good idea to form a secret club amongst the seven of us," Taeyong spoke. 

"The NCT sex club!" Johnny cried out. The others laughed at the idea. 

"You know what, it isn't that bad though," Jaehyun spoke. 

"Hmm....all in favor of the NCT sex club being our name?" Taeyong asked the group. Everyone raised their hands.

"NCT sex club it is!" Taeyong spoke excitedly, and Johnny looked around with pride.

"Okay, since you guys are the ones who are experienced in gay stuff, what do we have to know?" Yuta asked Taeyong and Ten. 

"Well....I know you guys are trying to be discreet...but you need to be a little more discreet. You know, you can get fired from the company for getting caught with another man," Ten explained. 

"Really?" Jaehyun asked with shocked, wide eyes. 

"Yes. It only happens very rarely, but it's still a risk you have to account for. You guys have to really try and be secretive about this," Taeyong said firmly. 

"So...who can know?" Johnny asked. 

"No one except us. Absolutely no one," Taeyong responded. 

"But...isn't okay with our dongsaengs? I know none of them would report us," Doyoung spoke. 

"No way," Taeyong said firmly. 

"You see, a lot of homophobic people think that gay people are trying to...recruit others to join them, especially young people. So if we ever got caught and it came out that the little ones knew...we'd be in deeper shit than we already would be. They'd think we were trying to convert them or something," Ten explained. The five boys sitting on the floor nodded sadly. They hadn't really ever thought about anything like that. 

"Not the company either?" Taeil asked. 

"Especially not the company," Taeyong responded. The boys shared some looks and nodded. It was sad that they had to keep everything so closely under wraps, but it was kind of exciting to share a secret with each other. The fact that the risks were so high but the rewards were so great just made everything even more exciting. 

"Second of all....we have to discuss the issue of blue balls," Ten spoke. 

"I know you guys love your cute little innocent make out sessions," Taeyong started. 

Johnny chuckled. "Oh Taeyong, they're far from innocent," he responded. 

"You ever touched a dick before? Other than your own?" Taeyong deadpanned. Johnny grimaced and looked away. "Exactly," Taeyong said. 

"You guys are doing what I did in like, ninth grade," Ten added. 

"You were making out with boys in ninth grade!?" Taeil asked in surprise. 

"Honey, how do you think I got this good?" Ten responded and winked. The five boys who were sitting on the floor shared confused and surprised looks. 

"Guys! Back to the topic at hand," Taeyong said. "You guys like making out with each other, but then you guys stop right before you cum. I know you guys try to find a place to finish as often as you can, but often you don't actually end up finishing. So you walk around the dorm, horny and cranky for at least half an hour, and we have to walk on eggshells around you. Frankly, it's annoying."

The boys sitting on the floor frowned and stared at the floor. They knew Taeyong was right. 

"What do you guys do about that?" Yuta asked. 

"We finish each other off," Ten simply responded. All of the boys other than Johnny and Taeyong blushed at Ten's words. 

"I mean, you guys don't have to get each other off....you guys don't seem comfortable enough with dude on dude stuff for that yet. We'll do our best to help you guys free up the shower or make sure no one goes into the room. If you guys are a hundred percent sure you won't be able to get space alone to masturbate and you don't feel like doing anything with another guy, then please just don't make out with them. But like, if you guys do wanna get each other off, it might be fun...you could even just masturbate next to each other," Taeyong explained. 

"But no handjobs," Ten said firmly. "Handjobs are pathetic excuses for sex acts."

"Ten really fucking hates handjobs," Taeyong explained. 

"I won't give them or recieve them. Suck their dick or just jack off. Go big or go home," Ten added, making the other boys laugh. 

"Ten's insisting that one of the rules of the club be no hand jobs. So no hand jobs," Taeyong said. 

Slowly, Jaehyun raised his hand. Ten pointed to him. 

"Yes?" Ten asked. 

"Okay, say, hypothetically, that we did want to 'get each other off'....how exactly would we do that?" Jaehyun asked. Taeyong and Ten shared an excited smile before looking at the others. 

"You guys are asking me about my main area of expertise," Ten spoke excitedly. 

"I thought dancing was your main area of expertise," Doyoung protested. 

"No way. My main area of expertise is definitely gay sex," Ten responded. "I can kind of be a bit of a hoe," he whispered to Doyoung. 

"Gay sex!" Taeyong said, bringing Ten back to the topic Jaehyun had brought up. 

"Gay sex, that's right. Well, there are a lot of ways. You guys could just grind on each other until you come in your pants, but that's for sad fifteen year old virgins. There are handjobs, but those are so despicable that I'm not even going to explain how those work," Ten spoke. 

"What about the thing where you grab both dicks at once and jack them off at the same time? Does that count as a handjob?" Taeyong asked Ten. Yuta choked on air at his words and the others just stared at the floor wide eyed. 

"Hm...I'll say no, because it's fun. You could do that. Anyways, there's that. Then there's blowjobs, of course. Those are my absolute favorite, to be honest. I love sucking dick. See," Ten spoke with a sigh. "I just don't understand why people bother with handjobs when blowjobs exist. Blowjobs are much more fun to recieve, much more fun to give...I just really like sucking dick, okay?" 

"You like giving blowjobs?" Johnny asked with surprise. 

"I love giving blowjobs! It's my favorite hobby," Ten responded. Taeyong facepalmed and shook his head, trying to hide his blushing cheeks. 

"You guys are quickly finding out how crazy and dirty Ten actually is," Taeyong said, finally sitting up after he thought he was done blushing. 

"There is nothing wrong with loving to give blowjobs. You of all people should be grateful," Ten responded with a pointed look in Taeyong's direction. 

Taeyong sighed. "You're right," he mumbled, looking anywhere but at the rest of his members. The other members were all sharing surprised looks, sort of being weirded out but also sort of enjoying this peek into Taeyong and Ten's sex life. 

"Finally, there is good ol' anal sex," Ten finished. 

Doyoung hesitantly raised his hand, and Ten pointed to him. "Wh....what's anal sex?" Doyoung asked innocently. Ten looked at Taeyong and then back to Doyoung with a soft smile. 

"You're so adorable!!!" He cooed. 

"The dick goes in the butt," Taeyong simply explained. Doyoung squeaked and Ten and Taeyong started laughing. 

"Is that it though? You just fuck their asshole like a vagina?" Johnny asked. 

"No no no no no," Taeyong said, and Ten frantically shook his head. 

"You have to lube them up first," Ten spoke insistently. "It's a must."

"And how does that work?" Johnny continued. 

"Okay, how many of you have fingered a girl before?" Taeyong asked the group. Johnny and Jaehyun raised their hands. "Never mind then," Taeyong mumbled. 

"Well basically, girls get wet so that the dick can go in easily, right? Obviously assholes don't do that, although I wish they did. Basically, what you do is you get some lube," Ten began, shaking a tube of KY jelly in all of their faces. "You put it on your finger, and slide it in and out, then you add more fingers until it's big enough for your dick to fit comfortably inside. If you don't do this, and do it fairly slowly, it really hurts, I promise."

"Yeah, condoms and lube are very important," Taeyong added. 

"So basically after the preparation, it's just like sex with a girl?" Yuta asked. 

"In terms of the physical act, yes," Taeyong answered. 

"But isn't it kinda weird to put your fingers inside someone's butt?" Taeil asked with a grimace. 

"Obviously you have to get yourself clean first," Ten responded. Taeil nodded in understanding. 

"Never have sex without condoms and lube. If you need either of those things, Ten and I will always have it," Taeyong spoke. 

The five boys sitting on the floor nodded in understanding. 

"Anything else you can think of?" Ten asked Taeyong, looking up at him. 

"What about rimming?" Taeyong mumbled in response. 

"You think any of these dick virgins are gonna try rimming? No way, babe," Ten quietly responded. 

"Fine then," Taeyong mumbled. "Any other questions? Comments? Rules you guys wanna add for the club?" Taeyong asked the group. 

"I felt like I was in sex ed all over again..." Jaehyun spoke. 

"But like....everything the sex ed teachers didn't want me to know," Doyoung added. 

"I'm glad we could be of assistance," Taeyong responded with a proud smile. 

Johnny looked at everyone and they all nodded slowly. "I think we're good!"

"So the rules are...one: don't let anyone outside the club know. Two: make sure to get off at the end. Three: no handjobs. Four: be safe and use lube," Taeyong spoke, and the group nodded in solemn agreement

"Alright then, everyone put their hand in," Ten spoke, shoving his hand out. Everyone put their hand on top of his. 

"Is this some kind of secret handshake?" Doyoung asked. 

Ten laughed. "I don't know actually what I'm doing," he responded. "But a secret handshake would be sort of cute."

"What if we like, shook our hands together, and then slapped our butts?" Yuta suggested. Everyone gave him a look. "Come in, we're in a gay sex club together! We have to slap our butts if we're going to do a handshake." 

Doyoung laughed loudly, mostly becaues he tried to imagine what it would be like to decipher that sentence out of context. 

"Fine Yuta. We'll do that," Taeyong gave. 

"And what if we whispered 'NCT sex' while we shimmied our hands, and then on 'club' slapped our butts?" Jaehyun added. 

"Perfect!" Yuta cheered. The others agreed and decided to practice. 

"NCT sex club!" They whispered, finishing with a slap to their own asses. They felt utterly ridiculous, but it was somehow fun to have a sexy secret amongst the seven of them. 

"I call Doyoung!" Jaehyun cheered, dragging Doyoung back to their room for the night. Jaehyun shut and locked the door and Doyoung flopped onto Jaehyun's bed. Now that they'd made out multiple times, the awkwardness had faded away, and they were back to just being close friends, now even closer from how physical their relationship had become. It felt good; being able to get held and touched by Jaehyun made some of that idol loneliness fade away. 

"I feel like I learned so much," Jaehyun mumbled, laying down next to Jaehyun and resting his hand on Doyoung's chest. Jaehyun could feel Doyoung's heart beats, his breath filling and leaving his lungs, and all of the sudden it was a bit too intimate so he moved his hand away. 

"Me too," Doyoung responded with soft laughter. 

"I mean for now, I don't know if I want to be that intimate with another man....but I can't help but wonder how far all of us will take this," Jaehyun spoke. 

"Me either," Doyoung responded, turning his head to look over at Jaehyun. Their eyes locked and a waved of affection washed over Doyoung. 

Being with Jaehyun was different. With Johnny, Taeil, and Yuta, it was all lust lust lust. But with Jaehyun...he felt as though they could take things slow. He tried to push it away though. He didn't want it to matter. 

Jaehyun pecked Doyoung's lips and both of them immediately looked away, the action a little bit too affectionate for what they were supposed to be doing. 

"Uh...let's make out then," Jaehyun mumbled. Doyoung nodded and climbed on top of Jaehyun, closing his eyes to try and forget. 

Jaehyun was gently and familiarly running his hands down Doyoung's waist when a knock came at the door. The pair would've stayed intertwined like this but they remembered Taeyong and Ten's words from earlier, about keeping everything secret, that Doyoung quickly moved back to his bed as Jaehyun answered the door. 

They both breathed a sigh of relief when Taeyong was standing before them. 

"Ten and I are leaving for the night," Taeyong whispered, and suddenly Doyoung noticed Ten clutching his arm. "Hold down the fort while we're gone, alright? We'll be back before the little ones get up." 

"We will hyung," Jaehyun answered. 

"Thanks. Have a nice night!" Taeyong spoke, and the two of them headed towards the door. 

"And be quiet! Doyoung, I know how loud you can get," Ten teased. Jaehyun and Doyoung turned towards each other and shared a quiet smile. It felt like their lives had finally begun. 


	5. casual

Doyoung heard of it in whispers. A few days after the invention of the NCT sex club, mentions of a little party were circling around the dorm between the club's members. A side glance, a mumble in secrecy, spoken between only two of them. It started when practice began that morning, Taeyong and Ten whispering off in the corner and looking around at each of them. Taeyong and Ten split off, taking different members aside and whispering things in their ears, things that made their eyes go wide and their cocks jump in their pants. Doyoung was curious, but then again, when was he not? 

Taeyong had just called for a five minute break when Doyoung was officially approached in the evening, Johnny coming up to him and tapping him on the shoulder. Doyoung looked up at him with wide, curious eyes, and Johnny looked over his body predatorially before beckoning him with his finger. Doyoung knew it had something to do with the club; Johnny never looked at him that way unless the NCT sex club was about to be...active, so to speak. But he followed Johnny out the door and onto the tiny patio (that's what they called it anyways; it was a lot more like a fire escape). 

"Taeyong and Ten are throwing a kickback tonight," Johnny began. "The little ones are going home for the weekend so we'll be free to do whatever. It'll be in the living room at ten. We'll have sex, drugs, and alcohol. You down, babe?" He asked. 

Doyoung slowly grinned. "Absolutely," he responded. He loved being wild and crazy; so different from his outward persona of a squeaky clean cut boy. 

"Pull Jaehyun aside when you get a chance then and ask him. We're trying not to seem suspicious in front of the others," Johnny explained, and Doyoung nodded in understanding. 

"Definitely," he responded firmly as Johnny checked his wrist watch. Johnny looked back up at him with one eyebrow raised, and Doyoung knew exactly what that meant. 

"We've got three minutes until we have to go back...wanna make out?" Johnny asked. 

Doyoung couldn't help but smile back at him. "Most definitely, hyung," he responded, and Johnny bit his lip before gripping Doyoung by the arms and pulling him in for a deep kiss. 

Now that Doyoung was gaining more experience, he couldn't help but notice each of the member's different styles of kissing. Yuta was confident, maybe overconfident, and selfish but not exactly in a bad way. He took and took and took, but him knowing what he wanted and taking it for his own was sexy, in a way. Taeil was the exact opposite, a certain level of shyness came through with each touch of his lips or hands, pink dusting his cheeks no matter what anyone did to him. Johnny was a quiet sort of domination, confident without the bravado of Yuta. But Jaehyun...Jaehyun's kisses were like taking the best of all of them and combining it, along with a touch of his own style. Johnny's dominance, Taeil's gentleness, and the way Yuta made Doyoung give, plus Jaehyun's deep affection for Doyoung. 

Doyoung shook his head, upset with himself for thinking about Jaehyun while kissing another man. But luckily, Taeyong saved him from any questions. 

"Guys! Break's over; time to continue practice!" Taeyong yelled, loud enough to be heard throughout the dorm. So Johnny and Doyoung shared a quick grin before running back to the practice room. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

"So when's the kickback starting again?" Jaehyun asked, combing his fingers through his hair in front of the mirror. 

"Ten," Doyoung responded as he laid on his bed, scrolling through twitter. 

"Hm, that's in like...fifteen minutes," Jaehyun mumbled, looking over to Doyoung. "Patio cig?" He offered. 

Doyoung nodded and smiled, grabbing their shared pack out of the bedside table drawer and getting off the bed. The two of them walked out onto the fire escape, leaning against the rusted railing. 

Doyoung popped open the package and Jaehyun pulled out a cig, putting the end between his lip balm slicked lips and reaching for the lighter in his back pocket. He reached over to light the end of Doyoung's, the smoke filling his lungs. 

Both of them knew they shouldn't, them being vocalists and all, but they always told each other it would "make their voices all sexy and raspy." Both of them knew that the real reason was because the cigarettes calmed them down, made this whole thing they'd gotten themselves into more casual and less terrifying, but neither of them wanted to seem afraid. So raspiness was the reason. 

Doyoung silently finished his cigarette and put it out on the edge of the rail before dropping it over the edge. Doyoung looked over at Jaehyun and found the boy staring back at him. 

"Come here," Jaehyun mumbled under his breath. Doyoung inched over slowly and Jaehyun cupped the edge of his cheek and jaw. Breathing in the smoke of the last of his cigarette, Jaehyun blew it right into Doyoung's waiting mouth. Arousal and need coiled in the pit of Doyoung's stomach at the simple but sexy action, yet after a quick kiss Jaehyun acted like it never happened. 

"We should go inside," Jaehyun spoke, putting out his own cig and dropping it next to Doyoung's. 

"Y-yeah," Doyoung stuttered back, still overwhelmed by Jaehyun's sex appeal. 

Jaehyun grinned and winked, and Doyoung barely held back a shiver. "Then let's go," he spoke, grabbing Doyoung's wrist and leading him back into the dorm. 

They walked through the clothes, the reek of cigarette smoke on their clothes and breath, until they finally got into the living room. The others were already there: Johnny, Taeil, Yuta, sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall, Johnny clutching a plastic bag in his lap. Taeyong and Ten were sitting on a chair, Taeyong slouching over and Ten straddled across his lap. Ten was resting his head on Taeyong's chest, softly smilling as Taeyong carded his hand through Ten's hair. A bottle of alcohol was at their feet, and clearly the couple was already drunk. 

"Hi Doyoung and Jaehyun!" Ten shouted loudly, wiggling a bit on Taeyong's lap. Taeyong stilled him by grabbing his ass and Ten released a small noise that went straight to everyone in the room's pants. 

"Drink some," Taeyong mumbled, drunkenly gesturing to the bottle of alcohol next to him. Yuta crawled over to the chair and took a large gulp, passing it along Johnny, until the bottle circled the group. 

The alcohol was gone within minutes. 

And minutes later, the seven boys were drunk off of their asses. 

Taeil, Johnny, and Yuta were still sitting on the floor, backs against the wall. Johnny's legs were splayed out and spread, and Taeil had his head on Johnny's shoulder. Jaehyun and Doyoung were laying on the couch, Doyoung nestled in between Jaehyun's legs with his head on Jaehhyun's chest, giggling like little girls about who knows what. Ten was still on Taeyong, foreheads pressed together, looking into each other's eyes or kissing softly. 

"Wait!" Ten cried excitedly. "I want music." He lifted himself off of Taeyong's lap and Taeyong pouted, suddenly noticing his cock poking the top of his jeans and covering his hardness with his hands. Ten grabbed his phone and turned on the speaker, putting on some lady gaga. 

"This...this is our queen!" Ten announced, dancing back over to Taeyong as Just Dance blared from the speaker. 

"You're so gay," Yuta mumbled. Ten and Taeyong just laughed at his words, Ten straddling Taeyong once again and grinning widely. 

"You see, Ten is like every gay stereotype rolled into one human being. But I love him all the same," Taeyong responded, pressing little kisses to Ten's neck. Ten threw his head back and laughed, giving Taeyong more space to kiss the expanse of his neck and jawline. Ten couldn't stop giggling, Taeyong's hands running up and down Ten's slim waist. 

"You know, you two are so cute....I fuckin' hate homophobes. Y'all should be out," Johnny said, ruffling Yuta's hair. 

"I know, right?" Ten whined as Taeyong's light kisses turned heavy on his neck. "I was out to like everyone before I came to SM but then they made me go back in the closet-" Ten's words were cut off by a loud mewl on his part as Taeyong sucked a hickey onto a particularly sensitive part of Ten's skin. 

"Fuck homophobes!" Yuta drunkenly yelled, standing up and going to the window. "Fuck homophobes!" He yelled out the window, slipping and falling as he walked back to where he was sitting. Luckily, Johnny caught him just in time, and Yuta giggled and rested his head on Johnny's free shoulder. 

"Ooh, Johnny's got his bitches," Ten teased, lightly circling his hips on Taeyong. Taeyong grunted and bit his lip, staring back at Ten with hooded lids. 

"Hell yeah," Johnny responded, wrapping one arm around Taeil's shoulder and the other around Yuta's. 

Suddenly, Jaehyun got up, gently pushing Doyoung off of him. 

"What?" Doyoung whined up as Jaehyun stood and smiled at him. 

"Dance with me," Jaehyun said, grinning. Doyoung laughed. 

"Sure," he responded with a slight giggle. Now Doyoung's biggest rule in life was that he never danced without choreography. He just...sucked. But with Jaehyun, it somehow felt like nothing was off limits. So he stood up and took Jaehyun's hand, moving out into the middle of the living room. 

As So Happy I Could Die blasted from the speaker, Jaehyun wrapped a hand around Doyoung's slim waist and pulled him in close. Doyoung blushed: the back half of his body was completely pressed up against Jaehyun's front, and he could feel every inch of skin and heat radiating off of Jaehyun's body. Their clothes were incredibly thin, and it was quite sexy. 

Jaehyun started to move his hips and Doyoung hesitantly followwed along, biting his pink, heart shaped lips. 

"Just feel the rhythm Doyoungie. Just...feel," he repeated, the same phrase from all those weeks ago when this whole damn thing began. And Doyoung knew he could never resist any words that left Jaehyun's lips, so he let go and followed along. 

Time always felt unreal when drunk and high on freedom, so Doyoung had no idea how long it was later when Johnny finally spoke again. 

"I brought drugs," he cooed, pulling a pipe and a baggie full of...something (Doyoung had no idea what) out of that white plastic bag. 

Ten and Taeyong broke apart from their heavy making out, a thin trail of spit still connecting their lips. "Is that weed?" Ten excitedly cried, immediately perking up. 

Johnny nodded and winked at everyone. "A real American treat," he mumbled, stuffing the strange green stuff into the open area of the pipe. 

"What is it?" Doyoung whispered to Jaehyun. 

"Marijuana," Jaehyun whispered back. Doyoung's eyes widened. Marijuana was super illegal here in this country, so he was surprised Johnny had some. But then he remembered that laws about the drug were a lot looser in America, and he figured Johnny must have had it a lot as a teenager. 

"How do you know about it?" Doyoung asked. Jaehyun chuckled at a memory in his head. 

"When I lived in America, my older cousins would always smoke it around me. They always said I was too young to try, but I would get high off the second hand anyways," he explained. "I always wanted to try for myself." 

The members all watched in awe as Johnny pulled out a lighter, a bit of fire turning the green marijuana pitch black. Not a bit of smoke escaped until the pipe left Johnny's lips, breathing it out seductively, the smell and smoke already filling the room. 

"Teach me how," Yuta decisively spoke as soon as Johnny was finished. Johnny turned to him, pausing for a second before laughing. 

"Put your fingers right here," Johnny instructed, fitting Yuta's fingers over the holes on the side. "Now suck in while I light it." Yuta did just as Johnny asked but pulled away, coughing hard. 

"You made it look so easy!" Yuta whined, reaching for a glass of water off to the side. 

"Well, that's what I spent all of high school doing," Johnny responded. Taeil made grabby hands at Johnny and Taeil explained to him how as Yuta continued coughing. 

Soon enough, the room was filled with marijuana smoke and coughing noises as the pipe finally made its way to Ten and Taeyong. Doyoung watched as Ten smoked almost as smoothly as Johnny, and even though it was Taeyong's first attempt he wasn't a mess at it like Yuta and Taeil were. 

Ten arched his back and reached over, passing the pipe and lighter to Jaehyun, Jaehyun smiling as the held the smooth purple glass of the pipe in his hands. Doyoung watched carefully, examining every bit of the experience: the smell, the look of the weed and pipe, the way all of the NCT sex club member's eyes were slowly turning red. Like kissing a boy for the first time, he could never be sure whether he'd do this again or not, so he had to commit each and every moment of it to memory. 

Of course, since Jaehyun was good at everything, he magically knew how to smoke it too. Doyoung knew he must have remembered a little something from watching his cousins, but it still mad him simoultaneously jealous and horny to watch Jaehyun tilt his head up and perfectly breath the smoke at the ceiling without coughing. 

"Do you want my help?" Jaehyun asked, looking directly into Doyoung's eyes as he passed him the device. Doyoung slowly nodded, and Jaehyun began to do all of the work for him. 

He fitted the end of the pipe in between Doyoung's lips, moving Doyoung's hands so they were over the strange little holes on the side of the device. Jaehyun pushed down and a beam of fire flamed from the tip of the lighter. 

"Suck while I light the weed. And it's not like a cigarette, you need to swallow as much as you can to get high," Jaehyun slowly explained. 

"Are you explaining to him how to suck your dick?" Ten teased, laughing loudly. 

"All that sucking...and swallowing..." Taeyong mumbled, lips pulled into a gentle smile, eyes only half open and red. Jaehyun just kicked the chair Ten and Taeyong were sitting on and lit the end of the pipe. 

Doyoung followed Jaehyun's instructions as much as he possibly could, but quickly found himself coughing on the smoke, embarrassed that he was so bad at the action when the others had looked so sexy (at least, other than Yuta and Taeil). 

But when Jaehyun mumbled a soft "cute" under his breath, giving Doyoung that pretty smile of his, Doyoung felt all right again. 

A few minutes later, Doyoung knew exactly when the weed hit him. 

Still dancing with his back on Jaehyun's body, he turned back to the boy behind him. He giggled like a maniac, putting his hands over his eyes. 

"My eyes...they're so hot!" He said excitedly. Jaehyun put his hand over his own eyes and laughed along with Doyoung. 

"Mine too!" Jaehyun happily responded, his eyes almost disappearing. Doyoung just laughed, smiling up at Jaehyun. 

"Mmh...I'm a bit too tired to dance now...let's lay on the couch," Doyoung said softly. Jaehyun simply nodded back, flopping back onto the couch and Doyoung laying down on top of him. 

As Doyoung snuggled his chest into Jaehyun's, he looked around at all of his friends. Yuta and Johnny were making out, Yuta's straddling Johnny's left leg, as Johnny grabbed onto Taeil's butt. Taeil was half asleep, his head still on Johnny's shoulder, too drunk or too high or too tired or too much of all three to care that Johnny and Yuta were making out right next to him. Taeyong and Ten were still seated in that damn chair, Ten grinding against Taeyong as they made out heavily. Doyoung wondered what would happen with them: would they go make love in their room? Or would they try and will their erections away, out of a founded but unnecessary fear? 

"Jealous," Doyoung heard Jaehyun mumble. 

"Why?" Doyoung asked in his most delicate voice. 

"Wanna make out too," Jaehyun responded. Doyoung wiggled on Jaehyun. 

"I'm right here," he whined, and Jaehyun grinned down at him. 

"That's right," Jaehyun responded, pulling Doyoung closer for a kiss. Doyoung found himself relieved; he'd been awaiting the feeling of specifically Jaehyun's lips all day. He kissed back, letting out all the emotion he'd be too afraid to release if the sun was in the sky or if he was sober, and he was grateful that Jaehyun kissed back the same way. 

But the alcohol and the weed and the late hours were making Doyoung exhausted, so he quickly fell asleep on Jaehyun's chest. 

Doyoung awoke with a start at the sound of Taeyong talking, looking around and realizing all of the others were in the same situation as him. 

"Party's over guys," Taeyong spoke with a sigh, waking all of them up as Ten hoisted himself off of Taeyong's lap. "You have to go sleep in your rooms; I don't want the others finding you like this." The boys all groaned but headed off to their rooms. 

"What are you guys doing?" Doyoung asked sleepily, rubbing his eyes as Jaehyun held his hand. 

"Oh..." Ten trailed off, sharing a look and a smile with Taeyong. "We're going to go take a shower."

Mutual blowjobs in the shower; a Ten and Taeyong classic. 

"Turn the water so we can't hear," Doyoung mumbled. 

"Come on, you're too sleepy," Jaehyun mumbled, and with a chuckle from them all, Jaehyun dragged Doyoung back to their room. 


	6. further

It's seven pm on a sunday night, and Doyoung has found himself in the situation he's almost always in at this time: laying on Jaehyun's bed, body tucked beneath his, shirtless and hot and aroused with tongues buried in each other's mouths. It's crazy, it's naughty, but Doyoung wouldn't have it any other way. 

He likes to pretend that it's the physical sensations he craves, and not Jaehyun's presence over him. He likes to pretend he has just as much fun doing these things with the other members: it's not like he doesn't have fun with the others, but it's just not the same. These thoughts keep him up at night and cloud his mind in the day, but in the hours of the in between he can just let loose, with Jaehyun by his side. 

He and Jaehyun have been at it for quite a while. They're at the point where Doyoung is covered in hickies, from his upper neck down to his shoulder and collarbone. 

"You're like my canvas, I get to make art on your skin for everyone to see," Jaehyun mumbled against Doyoung's swollen, parted lips, a smile in his eyes. 

"Sometimes I wish the others wouldn't see. They tease me mercilessly," Doyoung responded. Despite his words, he would never tell Jaehyun to stop. He liked being pretty for Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun just responded by trailing his fingers over the little purple marks, blinking up at Doyoung suddenly. 

"Do you wanna finish in the shower or here?" He asked. Doyoung's cock throbbed in his pants and he remembered what they had been doing. He was pretty close, to be honest, and he could feel the tiny wet spot that his precum had left in his underwear. 

It was so anticlimatic, really. Escaping to separate rooms to finish, walking back in five minutes later with embarrassed faces, avoiding each other's eyes, it was humiliating. Doyoung was sick of it. He wanted to try something new. He wanted to taste. 

"How about we....do something else today?" Doyoung asked quietly, voice low and unsure. Doyoung could see Jaehyun's eyes flash with surprise and arousal, the idea of taking their relationship one step further exciting him more than any solo jerk off in the shower. 

"What did you...have in mind?" Jaehyun responded slowly, wading his way through the dangerous waters he and Doyoung had entered. 

"I wanna...um...." Doyoung trailed off, licking his lips slowly, hoping Jaehyun would get the message without him having to put it into words. 

"You wanna suck my dick?" Jaehyun asked in surprise, his voice a little too loud. Doyoung quickly covered Jaehyun's mouth with his hand, pausing for a second before moving it away and shyly nodding. Jaehyun's face bloomed into an excited and surprised grin, sitting up and pecking Doyoung's lips. 

Doyoung followed him, the pair sitting awkwardly in front of each other. Doyoung was nervous beyond belief, since this was his first decisively sexual experience. He knew Jaehyun had gone a lot farther than him, but it was definitely both of their first times with another man. It was scary, but it was obvious that both of them wanted it and wanted it bad. 

Jaehyun started to unbutton his pants and Doyoung immediately tried to recall the porno movies he'd watched in his life. He hadn't seen that many, because he never seemed to get off to them, but he tried to remember what the girls in the movies did. He vaguelly remembered one blonde getting on her knees on the floor, so with furrowed brows he got off the bed and kneeled in front of Jaehyun's figure. Jaehyun finished kicking off his pants so he was only in his boxer-briefs, adjusting himself so Doyoung was seated in between his legs. 

Doyoung looked up at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted, the love bites covering his body easily visible. 

"Fuck," Jaehyun growled, with feeling. 

"What is it?" Doyoung asked, his voice delicate from nerves. 

"You look beautiful like this," Jaehyun responded. Doyoung flushed pink, fidgeting in his spot. He felt exposed, vulnerable, but maybe he felt a bit beautiful as well. Jaehyun looked down at him and blushed back, playing with the edge of his boxers. "Do you wanna take them off?" He asked. 

Doyoung nodded softly and pulled Jaehyun's boxer-briefs down to his ankles, watching Jaehyun kick the clothing across the room. Doyoung finally looked up and his eyes widened at the sight of Jaehyun's length. It was rock hard, the tip coated with a bit of precum. He wasn't quite as long as Doyoung but he was much girthier, and Doyoung wondered how it would fit in his mouth. 

His eyes darting up to Jaehyun's, hooded and staring down at Doyoung, Doyoung came back to the task at hand. Hesitantly, he wrapped his slim fingers around Jaehyun's base, stroking once or twice to gage a reaction. He looked up to see Jaehyun breathing harder, his lower lip caught between his teeth. Good, he was doing well so far. 

With a final inhale and exhale, Doyoung's pink tongue darted out from between his lips, gently licking the tip. Jaehyun sucked in a thick breath and Doyoung smiled a bit, taking a longer lick from his where his hand was to the underside of the head. It didn't taste nearly as bad as Doyoung expected it to, and so far it was pretty nice. Huh, maybe Ten was right about blowjobs being fun. 

"Don't tease," Jaehyun grumbled, his voice low. Doyoung sighed; he couldn't put off the main event any longer. With one final kitten lick to the underside of Jaehyun's thick member, he wrapped his lips around the head. 

Jaehyun released a little noise under his breath that sent coils of arousal down Doyoung's stomach, encouraging him to take more into his mouth. Somehow this whole thing felt natural, Jaehyun's precum mixing with Doyoung's spit to slick up his cock and make the slide back and forth a whole lot easier. Doyoung moved faster, making sure to trap his teeth like he'd heard someone mention before. 

After he felt like he'd gotten the hang of it, he opened his eyes and looked straight up at Jaehyun. The action made Jaehyun groan loudly, carding his hand through Doyoung's soft black hair. 

"You're...you're good," Jaehyun admitted, chuckling darkly as Doyoung took more of him in his mouth. He gagged a bit, Jaehyun's cock hitting the back of his throat, but he pushed on and moved back. 

"C-can you move your hand too?" Jaehyun asked softly, and Doyoung slowly stroked his hand. Picking up a rhythm, he moved his hand along with his mouth, jerking off whatever areas his mouth couldn't quite reach. 

"Mmh, so good," Jaehyun mumbled, looking down at Doyoung with arousal and a strange sort of affection. 

Ten was absolutely right; sucking dick was fun. Doyoung felt powerful, he felt adored, he felt dirty, he felt beautiful, and maybe it was the action itself or maybe it was because it was Jaehyun's dick inside his mouth. He was even getting off to this, even though he hadn't even touched himself. 

"Close," Jaehyun whispered, his hands clawing at the bedsheets. Doyoung started bobbing his head faster, gagging more but resisting the urge to pull off and cough. "God, you're so fucking beautiful Doyoung, so perfect for me-" Jaehyun mumbled, and Doyoung moaned around Jaehyun at the praise. 

Doyoung's moan was the final straw that sent Jaehyun over the edge, his thighs trembling softly as he tilted his head back and shut his eyes, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood. The heady taste of Jaehyun filled up Doyoung's mouth, swallowing each and every drop that went into his mouth and throat. 

Jaehyun tiredly pushed at Doyoung's forehead and Doyoung knew to move, assuming his cock would pretty sensitive. He swallowed air and panted, out of breath from having a dick in his mouth for quite a few minutes. Jaehyun stared down at him, panting from the force of his orgasm. 

"Dinner time!" Taeyong shouted from the kitchen.

"Shit," Doyoung angrily whispered, his dick poking at his sweatpants. Jaehyun leaned over and kissed the top of Doyoung's head, an action almost too affectionate. 

"I owe you one," Jaehyun whispered back, helping Doyoung to his feet and tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. Doyoung tried to will away his boner and shot Jaehyun a quick smile before following him into the kitchen for dinner. 

Jaehyun and Doyoung guiltily sat down at the two remaining free seats, avoiding everyone in the group's eyes. They were afraid the other boys would magically know what they'd just been up to, even though there was no sign of what they'd done in the secrecy of their room. 

"Hey Doyoung?" Mark suddenly asked. 

"Yeah?" Doyoung responded, eyes wide and nervous. 

"What's that white stuff on the corner of your mouth?" He asked innocently. Jaehyun immediately choked on his food, coughing dramatically. 

Doyoung swiped at the corner of his mouth with his thumb, stuffing the digit in his mouth and licking. Jaehyun's cum. Of course. 

"Excuse me," Jaehyun wheezed when he finished his coughing fit. Doyoung stared at his food with wide eyes, his mind racing as he came up with an excuse. 

"Jaehyun and I were eating...cake! Yeah, we bought some cake. It was frosting," Doyoung explained, his voice high pitched and uncomfortable. 

Ten immediately clamped his hands over his mouth to stop himself from laughing out loud, looking over at Taeyong, whose body was literally shaking with laughter. Taeil was just staring at his food with wide eyes, Johnny was facepalming, and Yuta was biting on his finger with an excited expression. Even Donghyuck grimaced and slowly put down his fork. 

"What kind of cake was it?" Mark asked. 

"I don't think you want to know," Johnny responded simply. Doyoung shot Johnny a pointed, aggressive look, but he just winked back. 

"Well, I'm pretty full," Doyoung said firmly, putting down his fork. "From all that cake. Thanks for the food Taeyong," Doyoung said, standing up to leave the kitchen. 

"That's not the only thing you're full from," Yuta teased, and with a harsh kick to Yuta's chair Doyoung headed back to his room to think. 

Later that night, Ten waddled into Doyoung and Jaehyun's room with a sly grin. 

"So, you tasted some dick?" Ten asked excitedly. Doyoung just whined and pouted back. "Come on! It was nice, right?" 

Doyoung sighed. "It was pretty nice," Doyoung admitted. 

"Thank. You!" Ten cheered. "Nobody believes me. Now you have to go and tell the others how much fun it was so they don't think I'm crazy any more." 

"No way; I've been humiliated enough as it is," Doyoung whined. 

"Dude, Jaehyun is still in a daze. He clearly enjoyed it. And I'm sure the others are just jealous that you didn't have to jerk off in the bathroom. Anyways, we were honestly just laughing at the fact that you fucking walked in for dinner with cum on your face! That's something I would do," Ten spoke. Despite the silliness of the way he spoke, Doyoung did feel better. 

"Thanks," Doyoung responded sincerely. 

"Did you get to finish?" Ten asked. Doyoung sighed. 

"Taeyong called dinner time right when I finished getting Jaehyun off," Doyoung explained. 

Ten frowned. "He owes you one."

"Agreed, he told me he would," Doyoung responded. Ten's eyebrows suddenly furrowed, and he peered over at Doyoung's neck. Tugging down his top, Ten's eyes widened at the multitudes of hickies dotting Doyoung's chest. 

"Jaehyun's a beast!" Ten spoke. Doyoung blushed and gave Ten a small nod. 

"Yeah," he simply responded. 

Ten looked up at him. "God hickies are fun to get, but he can be so embarrassing to explain them the next day," Ten mused. 

"Agreed," Doyoung answered with a groan. 

"Thank god for cover up, am I right?" Ten asked. Doyoung just looked back at him with confusion. "Wait...do you not know about cover up?"

Doyoung just shook his head, and Ten gasped excitedly. 

"Time to teach you some things!" Ten spoke excitedly, running off to his room. He came back carrying what looked like a make up bag. He sat down across from Doyoung on his bed, opening up the bag. Doyoung was right; it was a make up bag, except it only had concealer and different types of wearable glitter. 

"What is all of this for?" Doyoung asked. 

"Nightclubs and hickies," Ten explained, checking out some of his concealers and holding them up to Doyoung's face. He finally settled on a shade, tugging down Doyoung's top until it was off of his shoulder. 

"Alright, you really should invest in some concealer. It comes in handy pretty often; you do not want fans seeing you with hickies. They will come for you. Anyways, to put it on you just dab it over the area where the hickey is. Depending on how dark it is, you might have to go in for a couple of layers. Yours are fairly dark, so it'll be about two or three layers," Ten explained, starting to dab the make up onto Doyoung's skin, starting with his neck. He moved down to the chest, the action simply intimate yet platonic in nature. Doyoung knew that a month or two ago, before he'd tried things with Jaehyun but still knew about Taeyong and Ten, he wouldn't have let Ten get this close to him. The thought disgusted him, to think that he wouldn't have let his own friend help him out because he thought he was hitting on him. But now, Doyoung knew a lot better, and he knew that already he was growing as a person. 

"Ten!" Taeyong suddenly called, just as he was finishing up. Ten got up off of Doyoung's bed, shooting him a sympathetic smile. 

"Babe's calling," Ten said to Doyoung. "Coming!" Ten shouted, starting to leave the room. 

He paused in the doorway, smiling at Doyoung. "Have a nice night. And congrats bitch!" He said excitedly, leaving the room with his signature strut. Doyoung watched him go with a chuckle, readying himself to brush his teeth and go to bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Johnny woke up with Taeil laying down in the bed next to him. Huh, they must have fallen asleep while making out last night before Taeil had the chance to go back to his bed. 

But Taeil wasn't the only thing remaining from last night. Johnny's morning wood was pointing straight up, creating a tent in his sweatpants, and Johnny groaned loudly. Hopefully, he could sneak out before Taeil saw. But Johnny's noise woke Taeil up immediately, grunting before looking turning over to look at Johnny. 

"Mh, morning," Taeil casually said, his voice rough with sleepiness. "Did I fall asleep here last night?" 

"I guess," Johnny responded with an awkward chuckle, distracted by his plans for escape now. 

But he was too late. Taeil scanned Johnny's body and his eyes immediately landed on Johnny's massive erection. Taeil was too sleepy to do anything more than just raise an eyebrow, however. 

"Leftovers," Johnny uncomfortably explained, trying to laugh the awkwardness away. Just then, the sound of the shower running turned on, and Johnny sadly flopped back onto the bed. His escape was all but gone now. He couldn't just kick Taeil out of their room. 

Taeil sleepily rubbed his eyes and looked over Johnny's frame again. 

"I can just suck your dick," Taeil tiredly offered. 

"Seriously?" Johnny asked, most definitely awake now. Despite knowing whole heartedly that he was straight, Johnny was never one to turn down a blowjob. 

"Yeah, I mean if Doyoung could do it how hard can it be?" Taeil responded, already fidgeting with the band of Johnny's sweatpants. 

"I mean, if you're sure," Johnny responded, helping Taeil pull of his pants and boxers with one smooth tug. 

"Fuck you have a huge dick," Taeil commented, clearly woken up by the very sight. "I don't think I've ever seen one so big before, not even in pornos."

Johnny smirked with pride and stroked himself once or twice before Taeil pushed his hand out of the way and replaced it with his much smaller one, the delicacy of his fingers a nice change of pace from Johnny's own hand. 

Taeil crouched down to get better access, looking up at Johnny. "Hm, how do I do this? I mean, it's so big-" Taeil started. 

"Try licking around it first. Get it wet," Johnny explained. Taeil started randomly licking around it, looking up to see what made Johnny tick. When he licked the head and Johnny made a noise, Taeil smiled and licked there more. 

"Good, good. Now maybe try and put some in your mouth? Like, wrap your lips around it, then bob your head," Johnny continued. Taeil nodded and shyly fit the head into his mouth, his eyebrows furrowing at the taste as he slightly bobbed his head. Hm, this wasn't so bad. He didn't quite know why he'd agreed to do this in the first place, but Taeil was slowly understanding what Ten had said about blowjobs being fun. 

Johnny winced and Taeil pulled off, partially to see what was wrong and partially to catch his breath. 

"Be careful of your teeth," Johnny explained. Taeil blushed. 

"Sorry Johnny," he apologetically responded, hesitantly going back down to suck Johnny's dick some more. This time he was careful to trap his teeth in his lips, not wanting to hurt the huge dick before him. 

Taeil moved further down along Johnny, trying to get as much as possible but knowing for sure that he would not succeed because of Johnny's size. 

Suddenly, Yuta burst into the room, eyes wide when he realized what Johnny and Taeil were up to. 

"You guys too?" He shouted, then sighed. "Now I need to try it!" 

And so, a new trend had been born in the NCT sex club. A boundary had been broken, a line had been crossed. But none of them minded at all. 


	7. soft

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MORE blowjobs? In MY fanfic? It's more likely than you think...  :* enjoy!
> 
> PS this wasn't supposed to be a crack fic....but at the same time I feel like the entire concept is crack plus everything is just getting more and more ridiculous...so I hope you like it hahha

It was about a week after Doyoung had first tasted dick that Taeyong and Ten called him into their room. 

That was about the last place he wanted to be. An hour beforehand, the couple had walked in on Jaehyun and Doyoung, in, well....a compromising position. Doyoung had been about five minutes into sucking Jaehyun off when they went in to ask the pair if they would like to smoke with them on the porch, when they were caught. Each of them humiliated, Taeyong and Ten rushed out of the room. 

Doyoung had hoped that out of pure embarrassment, all four of the people involved in the humiliating situation would just leave it be and pretend it never happened. But now that Taeyong and Ten were calling him into their room, he assumed that wasn't the case. 

He slowly knocked on the door, and Taeyong called for him to come in. Doyoung hesitantly pushed it open, realizing he had actually never set foot in Taeyong and Ten's room. Walking inside, the decorations distracted him from his predicament: a giant rainbow flag, a poster of Rupaul circa 1989, a wall covered in polaroids of the members and them kissing and nightclubs Doyoung had never heard of, a twin bed that clearly hadn't been slept on in at least six months. Taeyong and Ten were sitting on the other bed, Taeyong's arm wrapped around Ten's shoulder. The whole thing was so domestic; a side of Taeyong and Ten that the pair often didn't reveal to the others. It made Doyoung sad to think they were still afraid. 

"So..." Doyoung trailed off, returning to the topic at hand, desperate to see why the hell he'd been called in here. 

Taeyong cleared his throat, sharing a look with Ten before looking back at Doyoung uncomfortably. "Well, earlier today, me and Ten caught you and Jaehyun in a rather...private position," he started. 

"Do we really have to talk about it?" Doyoung loudly interrupted. 

"It's important! Hear us out," Ten whined, and Doyoung fell silent. 

"Anyways, after Ten and I came back to our room, we started thinking about it," Taeyong spoke. 

"Okay, that's weird," Doyoung mumbled under his breath. 

"To put it simply..." Taeyong started. 

"You're terrible at blowjobs," Ten finished bluntly. "Well, not, like, the worst I've ever seen, but you're not exactly great at it."

"How do you know? I wasn't sucking your dick," Doyoung protested. 

"Honey, believe me. I know a bad bj when I see one," Ten responded. 

"Jaehyun seems to enjoy them," Doyoung said. 

"Of course he does. First of all, a blowjob is a blowjob. Second of all, we all know he's not a virgin, but it's not like he's super experienced or anything," Taeyong explained, then sighed. "Look, we're not here to insult your dick sucking skills. Actually, we're here to help you. You and Jaehyun, but especially you, seem to have a big influence over the NCT sex club. And if you're out here giving mediocre blowjobs, then everyone will give mediocre blowjobs. As your leaders, that reflects on us. We want you to be able to give high quality blowjobs." Doyoung tilted his head and looked at the pair with confused, furrowed brows, wondering where the hell this conversation was going. 

"So to learn how a good blowjob is given, we were thinking..." Ten trailed off, Taeyong and Ten looking at each other before turning back to Doyoung with sheepish grins. "We were thinking you should watch me suck off Taeyong."

Doyoung's jaw dropped in surprise, pausing for a few moments. "You're fucking with me, right?" He asked, chuckling at the ridiculousness of the entire situation. Taeyong just shook his head and smiled. 

"We're being serious," he responded. 

"It's a win-win for both of us," Ten added, "Me and Taeyong try something new and kinky, and you get to learn how to properly suck dick!" 

Doyoung sighed, weighing each option in his head. But it didn't take him too long to make a decision; what would the harm be in taking all of this one step further? It's just fun and games, after all. It's for the sake of the club. Plus, the idea of giving Jaehyun the supreme succ aroused him more than any boring old porno. 

"You know what? I'm down," Doyoung responded. Taeyong pumped his fist and Ten grinned. 

"Alright then! Me and Taeyong are just gonna go for it. Feel free to ask questions!" Ten said, the pair standing up as Doyoung sat down in a chair across from the bed. 

"Can you see us well?" Taeyong asked. Doyoung nodded as Ten and Taeyong positioned themselves facing each other, so Doyoung could see Ten going down on Taeyong. 

Ten immediately just dropped to his knees and Doyoung looked at them with horrified expression.

"What?" Ten asked. 

"Aren't you guys gonna like...do foreplay? Like kiss or something?" Doyoung asked. 

"I mean, I'm sure all of us want to get this over fairly quickly," Ten responded. 

"Anyways, we definitely don't need it. If Ten wants he can get me off like this without any foreplay, easily," Taeyong added. 

"It's all those shower quickies," Ten mumbled against the crotch of Taeyong's pants, expertly unbuttoning and unzipping them and pushing them down to his ankles without warning. Taeyong affectionately ruffled Ten's hair and Ten smiled up at him, rubbing the outline of Taeyong's cock in his boxer-briefs. Taeyong blew Ten a kiss and Ten started giggling, and more than the sexuality of it the romantic feeling of all of it made Doyoung blush a little bit. It really and truly felt intimate. 

Doyoung could tell Taeyong was about half hard when Ten slid Taeyong's boxers off of him. A month or two ago, Doyoung would have definitely been freaked out by the sight of his hyung's dick, but now he wasn't even phased. The thought made him chuckle a bit, but the laughter quickly faded off of his lips. 

Ten was jerking Taeyong off to full hardness with such casuality that he almost looked bored. But clearly, he was doing a good job: Taeyong was biting his lip and watching Ten, eyes glazed with arousal, as Ten expertly stroked him. Doyoung took note of the details that Ten seemed to just know, stroking from base to tip and then focusing on the head, especially the underside and the slit. 

When it was fully hard, Ten moved his hand away and Taeyong looked at Doyoung with a proud expression.

"What?" Doyoung asked. 

"I mean...look at it. I have the biggest dick in NCT," Taeyong responded proudly. 

"No you don't," Doyoung curtly responded, and Taeyong's dick almost immediately started to deflate. Ten immediately started stroking again, a little bit faster, to keep up with the hit to Taeyong's ego. 

"A-are you sure?" Taeyong stuttered. 

"Yeah. I mean, you're almost the exact same size as Yuta, although you're a tad bit girthier and he's a tad bit longer. In the end it evens out though. And Johnny is absolutely huge; you and Yuta are the closest to his size but neither of you really come close," Doyoung explained as Ten bit back a chuckle. 

"What?" Taeyong whined down at Ten, who was still jacking him off. 

"You're the same size as Yuta," Ten teased. 

"At least I don't have the smallest dick in all of SM rookies!" Taeyong pouted back. 

"Excuse you, my dick is adorable and you love it. Anyways, I'm a bottom, it doesn't matter," Ten responded. 

"Just suck my dick," Taeyong grumbled, his annoyed expression remaining on his face until Ten placed a gentle kiss to the head. 

"Don't worry Ten, I'm sure you're not as small as Taeil," Doyoung mumbled, and Ten pulled away to stick his tongue out at Taeyong. Taeyong bucked his hips a bit so his dick landed on Ten's tongue, and Ten giggled before wrapping his delicate fingers around Taeyong's base. He stroked the area in the expert way like before, except this time he was a lot more concentrated, eyeing Taeyong's above average cock lustfully. 

Ten slowly darted his tongue from between his plush lips and dragged the tip around the underside of Taeyong's cock, watching as it slightly twitched. Doyoung quickly looked up at Taeyong to find him biting his lip, watching Ten closely. It was obvious that the pair did this kind of stuff all the time, but Ten was so good that it never became boring for them. Doyoung found himself yearning for such a good relationship like that, both sexual and loving, and he pushed Jaehyun's face out of his head before it could distract him any longer. 

After quite a bit of teasing with his tongue and slim fingers, Ten finally wrapped his plush lips around Taeyong's head, concentrating on his cock for a moment or two before looking back up at him with wide eyes. Taeyong physically groaned at the sight, his hand slightly tightening on Ten's hair. But despite Taeyong's roughness Ten took his time, bobbing his head slowly further along Taeyong's cock. 

"Don't tease," Taeyong mumbled, and the low timber of Taeyong's voice sent arousal coiling even in Doyoung's pants. Ten moaned quickly to show Taeyong he adknowledged the statement and Taeyong bit his lip harshly. Doyoung decided to save that tip for later; moaning around Jaehyun is what had made him come the first time he'd sucked his dick. 

At Taeyong's words Ten quickly went to work, bobbing his mouth further and further along at a quicker pace, every so often pulling back to focus on the head more. Doyoung realized he was quickly becoming more and more horny. They were good, too good. It was almost like watching an actual porno movie. 

Finally, Ten took all of Taeyong's cock into his mouth. He remained there for a few moments as Taeyong sucked in a thick breath, more letting Taeyong get used to Ten wrapped completely around him, because from what Doyoung could tell, taking an entire cock in his mouth and throat was easy to Ten. He slowly started bobbing his head again, less back and forth though. He mostly remained at the base, his nose buried in Taeyong's well trimmed pubes, Doyoung's eyes widening at the impressive sight. 

"How do you....do that?" Doyoung asked curiously. Ten moved his mouth from the very base of Taeyong's cock to regular air with a loud and sexy pop. Ten was barely even panting, and Doyoung was just more confused. 

"Do what?" Ten asked, as if deep throating Taeyong's entire cock was just no big deal. 

"Take....all of it," Doyoung responded. 

"Oh!" Ten spoke cheerfully. "Uh...I breathe through my nose. And get rid of your gag reflex; honestly it'll help you out in a lot of situations. Practice also helps quite a bit."

"O-okay," Doyoung stuttered back. "Continue." 

Ten smiled up at Taeyong before focusing his attention back on Taeyong's dick, playing with the head with both his tongue, fingers, and lips before deep throating the entire length once again. He bobbed his head more frequently now, taking all of it and then refocusing on the tip once again. 

Suddenly, Ten moved his mouth entirely off of Taeyong's very hard length, and Doyoung was left confused for a few moments. But quickly, Ten started gently mouthing at Taeyong's balls, and Doyoung continued to be confused (for different reasons). He didn't think that would feel good at all, but by the way Taeyong was groaning and gripping Ten's head, he figured it was good. He'd have to try it on the other boys (well, he thought of Jaehyun at first of course, but the others boys deserved a try as well). Ten was much softer than he was with Taeyong's dick, and Doyoung kept that in mind as Ten expertly jerked Taeyong off, as if that hand had a mind of its own. 

Doyoung was quickly realising that the key to an ideal blowjob, rather than tricks or certain moves, was confidence. Obviously, Ten was super experienced, so he had the years to back up his skill, but that combined with his trust in Taeyong and his confidence in himself lead to Taeyong quickly moaning in a way Doyoung never expected to hear from him and gripping the bed, trying to stay steady.

"Babe-" Taeyong choked out, and Ten immediately focused his mouth back on Taeyong's cock. Doyoung smiled at how Ten immediately knew Taeyong was coming soon, as Ten slowly deep throated Taeyong again and bobbed his head. 

"Sh-shit-" Taeyong stuttered, his hips bucking slightly up into Ten's mouth, apparently coming. Ten stared up at Taeyong as Taeyong mouthed 'I love you' to Ten, Doyoung feeling the need to turn his head away at the extremely intimate action. Ten sort of smiled around Taeyong's cock, swallowing all of his release with not even a drop spilling out of his mouth.

When Taeyong finished riding out his orgasm, Ten pulled off of Taeyong's deflating length, gently and without that popping noise this time. He panted softly, Taeyong sitting down (almost collapsing) as his after glow took over. Sleepily, Taeyong climbed onto the bed, looking back at Ten with a pouty face and a small (almost adorable) noise of dissatisfaction. Ten rolled his eyes but smiled lovingly back at Taeyong, crawling into bed next to Taeyong. This time Taeyong made a happy noise, wrapping his arms tightly around Ten as soon as he was within reach. 

"Aw, you two are so cute," Doyoung cooed at the couple. Ten and Taeyong smiled at each other and blushed at the praise before proudly looking back at Doyoung. Doyoung was sure it wasn't often they got positive remarks as a couple, in fact people probably said awful things to them more. 

"We know," Taeyong responded, caressing Ten's cheek and smiling down at him with utmost affection. Ten smiled back before looking to Doyoung. 

"So, how was it?" Ten asked. 

"How was what?" Doyoung responded. 

"Watching me suck dick, duh," Ten spoke. 

"Honestly....it was sort of like watching porn," Doyoung said. 

Ten squealed with pride and hugged Taeyong's arm. "Really? Because when I was younger I'd post videos of myself fucking random guys online all the time, and I got a lot of praise for it but I was never sure if they actually meant it-" 

"Wait, what?" Doyoung interrupted. 

"Nevermind!" Ten responded in a high pitched voice, and Taeyong cleared his throat. Doyoung tried not to think about a barely eighteen year old Ten making pornos with random men and changed the subject. 

"Do you usually go at that pace?" Doyoung asked. "Like...fairly fast?"

"Yeah. I mean, we can go faster or slower, depending on the situation. Typically we do quick BJs though and take our time when we, like, actually fuck," Taeyong explained. 

"You can make Taeyong come even faster than that?" Doyoung cried, and Ten laughed as Taeyong absolutely glowered. 

"Yes, actually," Ten responded, giggling sort of proudly. 

"First of all, I have good stamina, it's just that Ten is sort of a dick sucking expert-" Taeyong started. 

"What do you mean, I'm 'sort of' a dick sucking expert?" Ten asked incredulously. 

Taeyong sighed. "Fine Ten, you're the number one dick sucking expert of SM entertainment."

"There we go. Now, continue," Ten spoke. 

"Second of all, it's not like Ten's doing all the blowing here. I return the favor fairly often," Taeyong protested. "And third of all, I only come faster in certain situations."

"Like what?" Doyoung asked, and Taeyong and Ten looked at each other before staring back at their sort of student. 

"I mean, to be honest about half the time we just face fuck each other," Ten admitted. 

"F...f-face fucking? Wh-" Doyoung responded with confusion. 

Ten gasped excitedly. "You don't know what face fucking is?" He asked, and Doyoung just shook his head with wide eyes. 

"So, you know how like, sex works? Like with the thrusting and stuff?" Taeyong asked, and Doyoung nodded. "Well, you do that except in someone's mouth," he explained. 

"Wouldn't you choke or gag?" Doyoung asked with concern. 

"See, this is why I told you getting rid of your gag reflex was important!" Ten responded. 

"Doyoung?" Jaehyun's voice suddenly called, and the three of them sighed. 

"We'll let you go now. I feel like you've learned a lot," Taeyong said, standing up along with Ten. 

"I definitely have," Doyoung responded, standing up as well and giving Taeyong and Ten a hug. 

"Have fun with the beast," Ten whispered to Doyoung, throwing him a greasy wink. Doyoung just grimaced back at him. 

"Your breath smells like come!" He whined, waving goodbye to the couple and walking back to his and Jaehyun's shared room. When he got inside, Jaehyun was relaxing on his bed, just scrolling through his phone. 

"What's up?" Doyoung asked, tiredly laying down on his own bed. 

"Nothing. I honestly just missed you," Jaehyun responded, and Doyoung forced himself not to think of those words and back to the crazy experience he'd just had. 

"Jae, you'll never believe what just happened to me," Doyoung spoke.

"What?" Jaehyun asked, tossing his phone to the other end of his bed and turning towards Doyoung, expression wondering. Doyoung grinned back, waggling his eyebrows.

"Get this..." Doyoung started, chuckling excitedly as he proceeded to explain to Jaehyun the events of the past forty five minutes with Taeyong and

"So wait...they called you in there just to have you watch Ten suck Taeyong's dick?" Jaehyun asked with surprise. Doyoung nodded back with a smirk, and Jaehyun returned the expression. "Well, I think you've got quite a few things to show me then," Jaehyun spoke, and Doyoung practically leapt off of his bed, rushing into Jaehyun's. 


	8. freedom

Another weekend, another party. The younger SM rookies had been allowed to visit home for the weekend, while the older members had been kept in the building for extra practice. They didn't mind, however, as it meant a little time for them to go crazy without the risk of getting caught. 

As per the usual, Jaehyun and Doyoung had sat on their porch to smoke their cigs before walking back into the living room, Lady Gaga already blasting from the bluetooth speaker. Rather than being annoyed by the music, or laughing at how stereotypically gay Ten was in every single way, the music now gave the boys a sense of nostalgia for these wild times, and reminded them how much they loved Ten, the real Ten. The Ten that was out and proud. 

"You guys smell like cigarettes," Taeil spoke with a grimace. He was leaning against the armrest of the couch, Yuta sandwiched in between his legs. Johnny was sitting next to them, leaning over the coffee table while carefully rolling a fat joint for the group. 

"It'll be masked by the pot soon," Jaehyun responded, sitting down on the floor across from the coffee table. Doyoung sat down next to him, watching Johnny's big fingers delicately roll up the paper. 

"She looks thick," Doyoung heard Taeyong mumble. Doyoung looked up to see Taeyong sitting down on a chair, Ten straddled across his lap, just like last time. A bottle each of rum and vodka were at their feet. 

Despite the sun still being bright in the sky, Jaehyun reached over to crack open the vodka. "Let's get this party started!" He cheered, spinning open the top and throwing the bottle back. The boys cheered, excited to forget the extreme stresses of the week and just go crazy with each other. Tonight was going to be wild; they knew that for sure. 

~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours into the night, when the double whammy combination of marijuana and alcohol left them all giggly and giddy and flopping all over the living room, Yuta tugged on Johnny's shirtsleeve with his signature, sly grin. 

"Wha?" Johnny mumbled, already in a stupor. 

"Wanna show you something," Yuta responded quietly, giggling loudly. If Johnny was sober, he would've known exactly what Yuta wanted, but now that he was quite drunk and high his confused mind had absolutely no idea. But he didn't protest, letting Yuta drag him up off the couch and down the hall, finally landing in the bathroom. 

Yuta shut the door tightly but didn't lock it, stumbling back over to Johnny. The walk over had been quite a difficult one, and Johnny gripped the wall for leverage. 

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked, out of curiosity rather than annoyance. 

"Hm, I'm in the mood to suck your dick," Yuta responded, giggling loudly, borderline obnoxiously. 

But Johnny didn't care, because all of the sudden he was very horny, and Yuta's idea sounded like a great idea. 

"S-Suck my dick then," Johnny responded, giggling back and grinning down at the Japanese man who was dropping to his knees without further question. He drunkenly nuzzled at the crotch of Johnny's jeans, his nose outlining Johnny's hardening length. 

"What are you doing?" Johnny asked with laughter in his tone, his fingers tangling in Yuta's hair, pushing his head back and forth. Yuta laughed back. 

"I dunno," he mumble-whined, finally reaching up to undo the button and the zipper of Johnny's pants. It took him quite a few minutes to figure it out, cutely whining and cursing under his breath, which somehow Johnny found adorable. But finally Yuta was able to figure out how to take them off, pushing them down to Johnny's ankles in one go. 

Johnny's cock was already half hard, poking a bit out of his boxers. Yuta reached up with his delicate fingers and began to stroke the outline, making a small noise of satisfaction to himself. 

"I didn't think dicks could be so big before I met you..." Yuta said softly. "But yours is like...huge. It's hard to suck, but it's still fun."

"When I had sex with girls....they could never take the whole thing," Johnny complained as Yuta slowly pulled down Johnny's boxers by the elastic band. 

"That's so sad!" Yuta cooed back, letting Johnny's boxers drop to his ankles, where his pants were resting. Yuta wrapped his hand around Johnny's base and began to stroke back and forth, his hand barely able to wrap around the entire thing. Johnny groaned at the sight, watching Yuta with hooded eyes and pushing his greasy hair out of the way to get the best possible view. 

"I had sex with a girl once," Yuta drunkenly drabbled, Johnny's cock reaching it's full hardness as he stroked with skill that only came from so much practice with the other members. "It was really bad," he mumbled, finally fitting his mouth over the tip. 

Johnny moaned loudly, too drunk to care that the other boys could most definitely hear him (or wonder why they were even in the bathroom at all when they could have just done this in Johnny or Yuta's bedroom). Yuta, meanwhile, was not taking his time, not sober enough to go slow or be gentle. He was bobbing his head back and forth, taking as much as he possibly could with each movement of his mouth. Johnny loved the feeling, Yuta's thick lips and slick mouth and throat tight around him, taking him closer and closer to his release. 

Johnny was so horny and so dazed that he couldn't help but buck his hips up into Yuta's awaiting mouth, Yuta suddenly gagging then pulling off of Johnny's dick, giggling loudly. 

"What was that for?" He jokingly whined. 

"S-sorry, your mouth was so good," Johnny mumbled, only halfway apologetically. 

"You can fuck my mouth if you want, just don't choke me with your big thing," Yuta responded, giving Johnny a bright smile that most definitely did not match the actions he was offering to do. 

"Hmm, I won't choke you, I promise," Johnny responded, a wave of arousal hitting him at Yuta's offer. He needed to fuck Yuta's mouth, without anything stopping him. So he gripped Yuta's head and guided it back to his dick, sliding his huge length about halfway down Yuta's throat. He knew that was a lot already, so he gave Yuta a few moments to adjust. When Yuta nodded up at him, Johnny continued. 

Slowly but surely, he began to thrust up into Yuta's tight wetness, Yuta gagging loudly at first but quickly adjusting. Too horny to take his time, Johnny moved quicker and quicker, Yuta taking more and more each time. It was good, so good, better than almost any blowjob Johnny had ever had in his entire life. So close to his release, he grabbed Yuta's thick hair to hold him steady, bucking his hips down Yuta's wet tightness, precum leaking down Yuta's throat as Johnny's balls slapped against his chin. Yuta just took it all, gripping Johnny's thighs to distract from the uncomfortable parts, knowing Johnny was close. 

With one final, loud groan, Johnny found his release. Yuta was able to catch most of Johnny's cum in his mouth, but a few drops landed on his face, Yuta too high and drunk to really notice or care about wiping them off. 

The pair just panted harshly, Yuta regaining his breath as he stared up at Johnny, while Johnny leaned back and rested his head against the pure white tiles of the bathroom wall. 

"That was fucking good," Johnny said, once he'd regained part of his strength. 

"I bet," Yuta responded, scooting over to also lean against the wall, knowing he would fall down if he didn't. 

Johnny eventually slid down the wall until he was sitting next to Yuta and looked him over. "Want me to return the favor?" Johnny offered with a grin. 

Yuta shook his head. "Nah. I wanna smoke more now. But I'll remember your offer for another time," he responded, shaking his hair out of his eyes. 

"Let's go to the others then," Johnny mumbled, attempting to stand up once again. Almost falling over, his caught himself on the edge of the sink and giggled loudly, Yuta quickly following. 

Crashing against the wall every few seconds, the pair managed to stumble back into the living room, immediately falling onto the couch. 

"Yuta sucked some dick, Yuta sucked some dick," Doyoung teased, taking a sip of the rum. 

"How did you know it was me?" Yuta whined, reaching for one of the joints Johnny had rolled when the were sober. 

"I can tell apart everyone's moans now, that's a fact. Like Johnny's are deep and super loud, Taeil's are quiet, Yuta's are whiny, Taeyong's are really aggressive, Ten's are loud and frequent, and Jaehyun's are manly," Doyoung responded. 

"And yours are girly," Taeil teased. 

"Hey!" Doyoung whined, reaching over to casually slap Taeil's leg. 

"It's so hot though!" Jaehyun whined at Doyoung, rubbing his shoulder softly. 

"Oh my gosh you guys, we should give each other nicknames," Ten spoke as Yuta unabashedly wiped Johnny's cum off of his face with his sleeve. 

"How much...weirder could this club get?" Johnny asked tiredly, still feeling his after glow. 

"Nicknames are sorta cute," Yuta mumbled. 

"It's a great idea! Then if we talk about shit that went down at the club, none of the others would suspect," Ten added. 

"Wouldn't they think it's weird though, like, if we were randomly talking about people sucking dick?" Doyoung mumbled, but nobody heard him. 

"What if we called Yuta 'whore'?" Taeil suggested. 

"That's actually, uh, a great idea," Johnny responded. 

"Hey!" Yuta whined. "But I guess it's accurate," he oblidged. 

"Uh, let's call Doyoung bunny, because he looks like a bunny, and he loves to eat carrots, if you know what I mean," Jaehyun spoke next. 

"And Johnny can be BD! Short for big dick," Yuta added. 

"Okay, this nickname thing is a good idea," Johnny mumbled, smirking proudly. 

"What about me?" Ten whined. 

"Twinky, 'cause you're the ultimate twink," Taeyong responded, and Ten nodded in agreement. 

"And Taeyong should be daddy," Ten spoke. In their drunken state the others agreed, not questioning just how weird that was. 

"Jaehyun's nickname should be baby, since he's the baby of the group," Johnny suggested. 

"But I'm a top!" Jaehyun whined loudly. 

"First of all, you've never actually fucked a guy before so you don't know that. Second of all, you're a damn switch and you know it," Taeyong protested. Jaehyun rolled his eyes and sighed. 

"Fine," he groaned. "But then Taeil has to be sloppy."

"Why?" Taeil whined. 

"Because he gives sloppy blowjobs," Jaehyun explained. 

"Come on," Taeil groaned. 

"It's true," Johnny added. 

"Not you too!" Taeil whined again. 

"Sloppy it is!" Taeyong spoke firmly. 

"We sound like the fucking seven dwarves or whatever," Jaehyun mumbled. 

"The new fairy tale, gay sex and the seven dwarves," Ten responded. 

"Okay, so Taeil is Sloppy, Johnny is BD, I'm Daddy, Yuta is Whore, Doyoung is Bunny, Ten is Twinky, and Jaehyun is Baby. It's all settled," Taeyong spoke. 

"New rule for the club: when referring to matters concerning the club, we must exclusively refer to each other by these nicknames," Ten added. The others agreed but Doyoung looked suspicious. 

"Okay, but how are we going to even remember these nicknames?" We're so fucking drunk and high," Doyoung asked. Yuta suddenly got out his phone and wrote the nicknames in. 

"Perfect," Yuta said, immediately reaching back for the joint he was having, when Taeil tried to pull it out of his hands. 

"Fuck off, Sloppy," Yuta said to him, and the entire room laughed. 

"Okay, this was a great idea," Johnny mumbled as he grabbed the almost empty bottle of rum and drained it completely. 

As the night continued onward the boys became tireder and more relaxed, mostly quietly coversing with themselves or making out, the darkness seeping through the open windows. But once Poker Face came on the speaker for the third time that evening (Ten never changed his Lady Gaga playlist), Jaehyun dragged Doyoung out into the middle of the living room. 

"Dance with me," he mumbled, barely holding himself up. Doyoung giggled and turned around, his backside pressed up against Jaehyun's front. 

"Okay," he responded, too drunk and tired to care about embarrassing himself or literally anything. 

Jaehyun pressed his hips against Doyoung's backside and grinded hard against his against his ass, Doyoung releasing a girlish whimper at the action. 

"See, he really does sound like a girl!" Taeil cried as Yuta pulled him onto his lap. Johnny hummed in agreement but the pair ignored him completely, just grinding together to the rhythm. 

"Sounds so pretty," Jaehyun whispered against Doyoung's ear, his hardness pressing into Doyoung, but he sort of revelled in the feeling. Briefly, he wondered how Jaehyun would feel inside of him, but he pushed the thought away, because that was a line all of the boys had yet to cross. 

Jaehyun started kissing Doyoung's neck and Doyoung physically mewled, pressing back into him. Jaehyun had been teasing him all day and night, feather light caresses during practice, naughty words whispered for only them to hear, little tugs of his hair that anyone would see were just meant to tease, but lit poor Doyoung on fire. This was so good though, a sort of release after the tension and buildup throughout the day. Doyoung craved it; he loved and adored Jaehyun's attentions. 

Doyoung suddenly got the urge to see Jaehyun's face, so he flipped around and hugged Jaehyun from the front. Jaehyun definitely wasn't expecting the action but he embraced it all the same, holding Doyoung close while still grinding onto him. Their erections brushed and they both mewled, grateful that Johnny had passed out and Yuta and Taeil were much too busy with each other to notice. 

"So pretty," Jaehyun mumbled, and Doyoung believed him. 

Meanwhile, Ten was circling his hips on Taeyong's crotch, biting his lips seductively. 

"Why are you so sexy?" Taeyong mumbled, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of Ten's back pocket. 

"Only for you," Ten responded with a wink as Taeyong pulled out a cig and lit the end, too drunk to care that they weren't supposed to smoke in the dorm. 

"Gimme a drag," Ten whined, and Taeyong could never resist that voice, taking one for himself before passing it to Ten. 

Ten leaned over Taeyong's frame, resting his arms on Taeyong's shoulders as he smoked more and more, blowing the smoke into Taeyong's face.

"That was mine!" Taeyong whined. 

"But I bought the pack," Ten rebutted. But Taeyong really couldn't care less, he thought Ten smoking was sexy. Well, he thought everything Ten did was sexy. 

Taeyong smiled at Ten and caressed his hair, looking deeply into his eyes. The alcohol had made him even more sappy than usual, and he couldn't stop thinking about how lucky he was to have his darling Ten in his life. 

"What?" Ten whined, slightly embarrassed by Taeyong's gaze. 

"I just love you, that's all," Taeyong responded, holding Ten's lithe body close. 

Suddenly, the pair broke themselves from watching each other, looking around their disheveled living room. 

"I guess we're the last ones awake," Ten mumbled tiredly. They looked around to see everyone passed out: Johnny leaning against the couch on the floor, Taeil and Yuta on the couch with Taeil face in Yuta's crotch, Doyoung on top of Jaehyun on the carpet. 

"I don't think I can walk back to our room," Taeyong admitted. Ten hummed and nodded in agreement, putting out his cigarette on the ash tray they'd used for the weed. 

"Let's sleep here then," Ten suggested, getting cozy on Taeyong's chest. Taeyong left Ten with one final forehead kiss before the pair fell asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The sound of keys jangling at the door awoke all of the boys the next morning. Soreness and severe hangovers were the first sensations to fill their thoughts before they suddenly noticed their unfamiliar surroundings. 

"What the fuck..." Johnny mumbled, rubbing his head. All seven members of the NCT sex club were passed out in various places and positions throughout the living room, some more lewd than others. Empty bottles and stubs of joints were just as scattered at the boys who had used them last night, and Johnny panicked. 

"Shit guys," he spoke through gritted teeth, the others finally waking up as well. The soft and innocent laughter of the younger trainees forced them all to forget the throbbing of their heads or the nausea pressing on their stomachs and clean up as quickly as they possibly could. 

Used up marijuana was tossed out the window, bottles hidden at the bottoms of trash cans, and those who were close enough to their rooms ran off to them. Taeyong and Ten stayed in the living room to greet the little ones, but luckily Jaehyun and Doyoung made it onto their cool beds in time. 

"Last night was crazy," Jaehyun mumbled with exhaustion as Doyoung set up two barf bags by the foots of their beds. 

"It really was, baby," Doyoung responded, remembering the funny little nicknames they'd acquired last night. Jaehyun smiled back at Doyoung with a brightness that he thought should be illegal, and he buried his grinning face in his pillow to hide his blush. 

"I'm going back to bed, you?" Jaehyun mumbled, peeling off his gross sweaty shirt and getting cozy in the bed. 

"Me too," Doyoung responded, tossing his own top across the room. Suddenly, Jaehyun beckoned for Doyoung to come closer. 

"Stay in here instead. It'll be cozier," he spoke. Despite the protests in Doyoung's mind, of how all this would be just too intimate, he still made his way over to Jaehyun's bed and crawled inside. 

Jaehyun reached over and shut off the light, shrouding the room in darkness that eased Doyoung's pounding head. "Sleep well, pretty bunny," Jaehyun mumbled into his bed, and Doyoung desperately ignored the spike of love inside of him. 


	9. betrayal

It was an lazy afternoon at the SM rookies dorm, when all of the younger trainees had school. Those were the hours when the NCT sex club could relax, be open without being crazy, and those were some of the hours that Doyoung cherished the most. 

The sun was shining bright through the window, casting the room in warm light that hit the boys with a sense of drowziness. Johnny was resting his head and arms on the kitchen table, Yuta was drapped across two chairs, and Taeil was slowly gathering everyone's plates to do the dishes for the lunch Taeyong had made for everyone earlier. Ten was sitting on Taeyong's lap, Ten leaning back to rest his head on Taeyong's shoulder while Taeyong wrapped his arms around Ten's slim waist. Doyoung and Jaehyun sat on their own individual chairs, but Doyoung had his legs hanging over Jaehyun's thighs, Jaehyun's hands resting on the calves. 

"When do the others get back?" Yuta asked softly. Johnny just groaned tiredly back. 

"If someone wants to suck cock they better do it now, school ends in like thirty minutes, and they'll be back in an hour," Taeil responded. 

"I mean, I want a blowjob, but I'm too lazy to give one," Yuta responded, lolling his head back and forth. 

"I haven't heard you two go at it in a while," Jaehyun mumbled, gesturing to Ten and Taeyong. Ten and Taeyong looked at each other and shrugged. 

"It wouldn't hurt, we haven't done it in a while..." Ten spoke. 

"Yeah, we've been too tired," Taeyong responded. 

"Wait...." Taeil trailed off. "You guys haven't, like, done it in a while?" 

"Uh, no...why does it matter? It hasn't affected our relationship," Taeyong responded. 

"But like...what is your relationship?" Yuta asked, sitting up in his chair. 

"We are in a relationship...I mean, like, a normal relationship? Dating? Honestly I don't really know what you're asking," Taeyong responded, starting to get defensive. Ten rubbed his arm softly and Taeyong visibly calmed down, but through his eyes it was clear he was still on edge. 

"But that's not possible," Jaehyun quickly spoke. "You guys are in a sex relationship."

"Two guys can't be in a romantic relationship, only a sexual one," Yuta added. Ten quickly sat up with confused and angrily furrowed brows. 

"Um, excuse me? Me and Taeyong love each other," Ten spoke slowly. 

"Like brothers and friends, of course. But like, two guys can't love each other like a guy and a girl. Everyone knows that," Taeil responded. 

Taeyong and Ten shared a surprised yet hurt look and turned back to the others. 

"A-are you fucking with us right now?" Ten asked, the pitch of his voice climbing higher and higher. 

"I'm just saying what I think," Yuta responded. 

"So, after all of this....you really don't think our relationship is legitimate? After all of this bullshit, all the things we did for you guys?" Taeyong asked, slowly and carefully, voice loud and on the edge of screams. 

Yuta, Taeil, and Jaehyun just shared a look and nodded back, while Johnny and Doyoung turned away and pretended not to notice. 

Ten slowly stood up and shook his head, unable to even look at the others. "A-and I thought you guys understood," he mumbled before suddenly rushing out of the room. Taeyong glared at the others and quickly followed. 

The others sat silently in the kitchen while the hushed whisperes and packing of bags could be heard from Taeyong and Ten's room. 

"I really fucking thought we should trust them, you know? I thought they fucking got it. I guess none of them ever do, they'll always see us as not normal, no matter how hypocritical it is," the others heard Ten say. 

"Way to go us; I knew we should never have trusted those heteros. Look where it fucking got us. We shared so much and now we're completely fucked," Taeyong responded. 

"Let's just get out of here," Ten spoke, and the pair rushed out of their room and out the door, closing it with a loud bang. 

The others still stood silently in the kitchen, not quite sure how to feel. But Johnny soon left the room, and the others followed. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Taeyong and Ten were still absent. Not one of them were sure where the couple even was, let alone what to do about the situation they'd caused. Trying to keep the little ones in the dark was especially hard, since the guilt ate away at each and every one of them. 

With Jaehyun busy at vocal practice, Doyoung was alone in his room when Johnny stepped inside and sat down on the edge of Doyoung's bed. 

"Wanna make out?" He asked. 

"No, not really," Doyoung responded. 

Johnny sighed. "Me either. It just doesn't feel right." 

Doyoung sighed back and put away his phone. "I know what you mean. It's like, ever since..." 

He trailed off, not wanting to say the words aloud. 

"You know, I didn't agree with what the others said. I know Taeyong and Ten are in love," Johnny spoke. 

"I'm with you," Doyoung responded. 

Johnny groaned. "I'm such a shitty person! I should have stuck up for them; it's the least I could've done," he yelled angrily at himself. 

Deep in his heart, Doyoung felt the same way. He thought the others were stupid for not realizing Taeyong and Ten were madly in love; from their gentle actions to their kind words to simply the way they looked at each other. But maybe he just paid more attention to those things out of his own hesitation on his feelings for Jaehyun, something Doyoung didn't even want to think about. 

But it paid a factor too. Technically, he'd gone as far with Jaehyun as any of the others, but it was becoming more and more difficult to see him as a friend. Doyoung didn't like it one bit, he swore he wasn't gay and would until the day he died. But how could a two men not feel the same way for each other as a man and a woman when he felt so many things about Jaehyun? And why didn't Jaehyun agree with Taeyong and Ten?

Doyoung shook his head, the thoughts just too fucking much for the already stressful situation of lacking their two most prominent members. 

"We should apologize," Doyoung mumbled. 

"We don't even know where the fuck they are. Anyways, if we are going to apologize, I want the rest of the club behind it too. It's what they deserve, and I think it'll be more sincere that way. I don't want them to think we're just trying to get them to come back so we can continue fucking guilt free," Johnny said. 

"Agreed," Doyoung firmly responded. 

"When Jaehyun gets back from vocal practice, let's hold a meeting, alright?" Johnny asked. 

"Alright," Doyoung responded, and it was set. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The remaining members of the club were crammed into Doyoung and Jaehyun's tiny room later that day, sitting on the beds or the floor. Neither Doyoung nor Johnny explained why they were meeting, but everyone just seemed to know. 

"I feel really shitty for saying what I did. Last night I was doing some research on gay people and history and stuff, and that was really....homophobic of me. That's the word for it, right?" Taeil asked. 

"Yeah," Johnny responded. 

"It's just sort of hypocritical of us too. I mean, we have gay sex all the time for fucks sake, but we can't accept a simple relationship? Fuck," Yuta said. 

"Why did you guys even say that shit in the first place?" Johnny asked, trying to hold back his anger but it was obvious that he was upset and feeling confrontational. 

"I just....I didn't think. This is all so much, so fast...and I guess my own hatred was hidden behind all of the other stuff," Taeil spoke. 

"It seems obvious to me now, but like...that's how I was raised to believe. I guess I hadn't fully gotten rid of all my homophobia," Yuta added. Jaehyun was strangely silent, and no one but Doyoung noticed. But he was silent too.

"We really need to apologize," Yuta said. "I don't want them to think we don't accept them and love them. Because we do. Obviously we're still growing and stuff, but we need to have more compassion for them and think of their feelings instead of being dumb."

"Yeah. When I was doing research and stuff I learned a lot about homophobia...they're getting crap from all sides. The least they deserve is to be able to trust us, their bandmates," Taeil spoke. 

"They probably won't trust us for a while, you know? But we should at least try to make the effort to apologize," Johnny spoke. 

"But where are they?" Yuta asked. 

Jaehyun finally did something and whipped out his phone, turning on snap location. "Oh. They're at that shady motel down by the highway," he said. 

"I feel like it would be a bad idea for all of us to just bombard them, you know?" Taeil responded. 

"Let's send Johnny; he knows what he's talking about," Yuta spoke, and the others agreed. 

"Alright guys, I'll go," Johnny responded, and stood up to pack his things. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The motel was a strange place, Johnny thought. Dirty and dangerous looking, out in the middle of nowhere, and from what Johnny could see of the rooms they looked like absolute shit. He briefly wondered why anyone would choose to stay in such a place before approaching Ten and Taeyong's door. 

He delivered a quick rap with his knuckles to the wood before a short and silent pause. He heard Ten groan quietly from behind the walls, shuffling around for a few moments before opening up the door. 

Ten looked sloppy and sleep deprived, dark circles under his eyes matching his swollen lips and the telltale signs of hickies tracing his neck. His hair stuck up in patches, and he was dressed only in a pair of tiny briefs and Taeyong's t-shirt. 

"What do you want?" He asked defeatedly, putting a half smoked cigarette between his lips. Johnny sighed, trying to think of exactly word the apology he and the others had come up with. 

"Look....all of us are really sorry. That was really rude of us to say, after all you guys have done for us, not to mention it's incredibly hypocritical. So...we apologize," Johnny spoke, staring at the littered pavement beneath his feet. 

He was met with silence for many beats, giving Ten time to take another drag before he spoke. 

"Like the place?" Ten asked sarcastically. "One of the finest establishments in Seoul. It's the only place that'll let two men book a room with one bed." Johnny immediately frowned at the words, peeking past Ten's head to look inside the room. Through the thick veil of cigarette smoke, he could see Taeyong casually smoking and watching mindless television. He was covered by a blanket, but Johnny was sure he was naked underneath. 

"See, these are the things you guys don't have to think about: not being able to get hotel rooms, or be affectionate in public, or be honest with our families. I could go on for ages about the stuff Taeyong and I have to deal with. The big stuff is awful, but it's the little things that hurt you really bad," Ten explained, and Johnny grimaced in shame. 

"Taeyong and I weren't upset because of what you guys said, believe me, we've heard those very words a thousand times before. It just hurt because it came from you guys. Both Taeyong and I are really cautious about telling people that we're together, let alone about our life together and being a couple in public, because of past experiences. Fuck, Johnny, I've practically lived at this hotel with some of my exes because there was nowhere else we could be together. So it was a big deal for us to let you guys into our life, and to share our secrets with you all....and then for you guys to think we're just some horny sex addicted fags like the rest of the world does...it hurt us a lot. Johnny, this isn't a game to us! This isn't some kind of joke or something we do just for entertainment. This is real life, this is hard and painful but we are together despite all of it because we love each other. If we didn't, I don't think any of this would be worth it," Ten spoke passionately, on the verge of tears. 

"God, fuck I--" Johnny started, but Ten interrupted him with a sigh. 

"Look, I get it. You guys don't know the things we've been through, you couldn't even fathom them because we are the first gay people you all have ever known. You can't fully understand why all of this is such a big deal. But...we thought you guys would at least try," Ten explained painfully. 

"And we should have, we really should have. We all immediately felt guilty, I promise. It was hypocritical of us, not to mention just generally dumb," Johnny responded. "We've spent a lot of time talking about it as a group, doing some research, and now we all disagree with what we said to you guys. Love is love, and that's a fact." 

Ten sighed. "I can tell that you're being sincere, and I'm sure the others are too. It hurts but....at least you guys are trying. That's more than I can say for most people."

"Ten?" Taeyong suddenly called, eyes still glued to the TV. 

"One second," Ten spoke to Johnny, walking over to where Taeyong was sitting. 

Johnny watched as Ten and Taeyong shared a hushed conversation. He was unable to catch anything other than a quick bite at the end of their conversation.

"Why should we forgive them? It's obvious they have no respect for us at all," Taeyong angrily mumbled.

"Taeyong, they're our family. They love us and they do respect us. They're just...still learning," Ten responded. 

"First of all, both you and I know that the word family means nothing. And god, why is everyone just still learning? Why can't anyone who isn't one of us ever just treat us well?" Taeyong responded, loud enough that Johnny could hear him perfectly clearly. 

"I know you care about them and love them, Taeyong. You're just upset right now," Ten cooed, affectionately rubbing Taeyong's arm. 

"That's right! I am fucking upset. Aren't you?" Taeyong asked. 

"I am, I really am. I'm completely heartbroken; you should know this....but I know that if we ever want to repair our bonds with them we have to at least try," Ten responded.

"Taeyong?" Johnny interrupted. The pair both looked at the tall man with blank expressions. "You don't have to forgive us. Just...come back to the dorm, and let the others give their personal apologies." 

"Can you look away for a moment?" Ten said suddenly. 

"Uh, sure," Johnny responded, facing the other direction to stare out across the vast, empty parking lot. A few moments later, Johnny felt a tap on the shoulder, and he turned around to find Taeyong staring back at him, dressed in a t-shirt and his boxers. 

"Johnny.....at first I was really scared to make the club. I didn't trust anyone at the time. But...you guys are my family, as much as I hate that word. You guys are the only family I've ever really known. And I just...I put a lot of my heart into you guys," Taeyong admitted. 

"You're our family too. We all really do see each other as family, and at the end of the day, we'd never want to cast you guys out. We love you," Johnny said. Taeyong looked down at the floor, sniffling softly before walking away from the doorframe and back to the bed. 

Ten watched him go and sighed, looking back at Johnny. "We love you guys too. We're still angry and upset, but it doesn't mean we don't love you guys....and, well, that's all I can say. I'm sure we'll be back at the dorm soon, but Taeyong and I need to talk now," Ten spoke. 

Johnny nodded slowly. "I'll leave you guys to it," he responded. 

"Have a good night," Ten spoke, slowly shutting the door closed. 

~~~~~~~~~~

As the sun rose the next morning, Ten and Taeyong slipped silently back into the dorm with their things. The others visited them, offering apologies with written or spoken words, and the couple accepted them gracefully. They would smile at the members, but it didn't reach their eyes. Doyoung knew that Taeyong and Ten still loved them all like family, but knew that it would take a while for them to trust the others again. It hurt Doyoung, but he knew it was what they deserved. 

He still found it strange that Jaehyun had never vocalized his guilt or remorse at his words to the others. He had a long talk with Ten and Taeyong once they came back, but Doyoung never found out what he was really thinking. It ate away at him, for reasons he didn't want to think about. But his curiosity got the best of him, so when he and Jaehyun were alone that evening, he decided to press. 

"Taeil and Yuta sort of explained themselves....but why did you say what you said to Taeyong and Ten?" Doyoung asked. 

"Well, what about you?" Jaehyun rebutted nervously. His question threw Doyoung off, wondering why Jaehyun was being so secretive, but he continued. 

"I didn't actually say anything to them. I agreed with what they said in the first place, I just didn't stick up for them," Doyoung answered truthfully. 

Jaehyun sighed loudly, knowing now he'd be forced to answer. "I only said it because...because....well, if Ten and Taeyong can love each other, then maybe I can....." Jaehyun paused, his eyes glued to the floor. "Fuck, never mind," he spoke. Doyoung didn't want to press; he was too scared. He didn't want to know, because that was a firm line he'd drawn. A thick line etched between Jaehyun and himself, one of the very few neither of them wanted to cross. But Doyoung knew they couldn't put it off for long. One day, they would have to step over that boundary line. 


	10. jealousy

One evening, Doyoung and Taeil were resting on Taeil's bed. The others were still trapped in vocal practice, but luckily for them they'd been released early. Each of them was looking at their phones and they were bored out of their minds. 

"You horny, Bunny?" Taeil casually asked, not even bothering to look up from his phone. 

"I could be," Doyoung responded. "Do you wanna give me a BJ or something?"

"Kinda. Mostly I just wanted one in return though. You know I don't like leaving people hanging," Taeil answered. 

Doyoung hummed and nodded, locking his phone and putting it on the bedside table. "Suck me first and then I'll finish you off, Sloppy" he spoke. 

"Sounds like a plan," Taeil responded, charging his phone as well and looking over at Doyoung. 

It had become frighteningly easy for all of them to just reach for each other between the gaps of air and just kiss each other. The fear of themselves was gone, but the excitement still remained. And although Doyoung wished it was Jaehyun whose lips were pressed against his, he didn't mind Taeil's soft kisses at all. 

Both of them knew they didn't need too much foreplay, seeing as they were just getting each other off and not trying to draw it out. Doyoung didn't really like doing extended sessions with anyone other than Jaehyun, and he knew Taeil sort of felt the same way about Johnny. It already felt too real with those, and it was even more so with the others. 

With the late spring sun beating in through the windows, the room was extremely hot already. But the physical contact between them made things unbearably hot so they peeled off each other's shirts with a certain ease that only came from practice. They'd both improved so much at kissing; as the two original virgins of the group they'd become very, very good kissers. It wasn't difficult for them to get each other aroused, or anyone in the group for that matter. 

Both of them knew not to leave hickies on each other's necks; those were off limits to anyone but the boys they'd become strangely attached too, so they stuck to soft kisses left on sensitive chests, delicate fingers brushing against pink nipples, cocks becoming as hard as the buds. 

Taeil trailed his mouth further along Doyoung's chest and he sat up a bit so he could watch Taeil in action, distractedly reaching for a pillow and sliding it beneath his head. Without hesitation, Taeil pulled down Doyoung's boxers in one swift go to reveal his hardened length. Taeil chuckled at the fact that Doyoung was going commando, but then he remembered how all of the members of the NCT sex club did that now (underwear just got in the way of speediness, and time was their most important factor). 

Doyoung could tell Taeil was pretty horny already (he must have been watching porn on his phone while they were lazing around) because he didn't take his time, stroking Doyoung from base to tip at almost too speedy of a pace. Doyoung mewled softly, his hips moving of their own accord, and Taeil pushed one side down with his free hand (so he wouldn't get choked, of course). 

Now, Taeil was notorious in the club for his sloppy blowjobs. That didn't mean he was bad. Well at first he was by far the worst in the club, but he'd improved a lot over the past couple months, to the point where he was just as good as Jaehyun. But it was his style that had earned him the nickname: spit and precum dribbling out of the corner of his lips, noises that could be heard two doors down. Nobody enjoyed it more than Johnny, but it was definitely sexy, and a real treat when Taeil decided to put on a show. 

Doyoung figured Taeil must not have been too tired, because it was show time. After licking around Doyoung's length with soft slurping noises for a time, he finally fit his mouth around Doyoung head. He started off mid tempo, bobbing his head softly, taking more as he went down (Doyoung knew this was a breeze compared to taking some of the other dicks in the NCT sex club), but at the same time Doyoung could tell he was feeling a bit lazy, because he only went down as far as his hand. 

He slurped up and down Doyoung's length, concentrating on his cock for a few moments before looking up at Doyoung with wide eyes. Doyoung groaned lowly, his hips bucking up once again, and Taeil stopped him with his hand. Doyoung watched as some of his own precum dripped down Taeil's slick, puffed lips onto his hard length, and he felt his cock throb in Taeil's mouth. Taeil moaned at the feeling before sliding off and releasing his cock with a pop. 

Taeil started stroking Doyoung with his hand again as he began to gently mouth Doyoung's balls. Now that was Doyoung's absolute weakness, and he felt himself getting closer and closer to his release. 

"H-hyung-" Doyoung stuttered, and Taeil looked up at Doyoung with arrogant eyes. 

"What, so close already?" Taeil teased with a little smirk, the words mumbled against Doyoung's cock and balls only making his stomach coil with more pleasure. Doyoung could only mewl back as Taeil moved on to Doyoung's other ball, using his thumb to play with Doyoung's slit. 

"F-f..." Doyoung stuttered, and Taeil knew he was close. Spreading Doyoung's thighs and circling the skin with his thumb, Taeil moved his mouth back onto Doyoung's red length, bobbing his head up and down. Doyoung was so close, he couldn't figure out where to put his hands, moving from the bed to Taeil's shoulder to gripping Taeil's hair before finally, he came. 

Taeil dutifully swallowed it all, immediately pulling off Doyoung once he was finished. He sat between Doyoung's spread legs for a few moments, both of them trying to regain their breaths. 

After a few minutes of Taeil gently skittering his hands over Doyoung's thighs, he looked up at Doyoung's face. 

"You ready?" He asked. Doyoung sloppily grinned back and him and wiggled back on his pants, getting off the bed to kneel on the floor. After pushing down his pants in one swift go, Taeil sat up and swung his leg over so Doyoung was nestled between them, his face sticking out between them with an adorable smirk. Taeil's length was red and almost angry, somehow looking very pretty with precum dripping from the slit. Doyoung took a quick lick, swallowing the liquid before it could hit the floor. Doyoung licked his lips before diving in, slowly stroking his hand back and forth along Taeil's already very hard cock. 

"Don't tease," Taeil said, his voice more rough and low than before. Whether it was from arousal or just having sucked a dick or both, Doyoung wasn't quite sure. 

Doyoung giggled cutely, moving his hand faster and poking out his tongue from between his pink lips to softly lick at the underside of Taeil's head. 

"Mmh," Taeil groaned, his fingers tangling in Doyoung's pitch black hair as Doyoung blinked up at Taeil and wrapped his mouth over the head. 

Strangely enough, Doyoung always felt in his element sucking dick. He loved the submissive power that came with getting someone off, the naughtiness to it, and as bad as it was he was beginning to enjoy the taste of cum. So he took his time on Taeil's cock, taking it slowly but surely in his mouth and throat (since Taeil wasn't the biggest it wasn't too difficult), just enjoying every part of the process. 

He hummed around Taeil, knowing the vibrations would set him off well, and started to bob his head. He quickly suppressed his gag reflex, the gurgling noises stopping, and began to bob his head faster and faster. 

Taeil was already close when Doyoung got on his knees between Taeil so Doyoung knew it wasn't too long before he came, and came hard. Doyoung wanted Taeil to have a good climax though, so as he bobbed his head he reached with his hands to play with Taeil's balls. Taking all of Taeil's cock, then coming up to lick at the head, Taeil was more than satisfied. Doyoung was so good, and by this point he'd gained a reputation for giving the best blowjobs in the whole club (other than Ten of course, but Taeyong never shared). 

As Taeil drew nearer and nearer to release he began to slightly buck his hips up into to Doyoung's mouth but Doyoung took it in stride, taking it without gagging harshly or pulling off, and that only made Taeil hornier. Finally, he came harder, spilling ever drop of his seed into Doyoung's awaiting and hungry mouth. 

"Hey guys!" Jaehyun yelled, bursting into Taeil's room without knocking before suddenly gasping at the sight before him. At the sound, both Doyoung and Taeil turned towards Jaehyun. Taeil didn't seem to care but Doyoung blushed hard, unable to respond as he swallowed the rest of Taeil's cum. Jaehyun just watched on with his mouth agape. 

"Hey Jaehyun! How was practice?" Taeil asked, sliding back up his pants as Doyoung averted his eyes from the eighteen year old. 

Jaehyun's expression morphed into one of anger. "It was fine," he growled before almost stomping out of the room. 

Taeil was clearly confused, looking down at Doyoung with furrowed brows. 

"What was that all about?" Taeil asked. 

Doyoung just frowned softly, putting his shirt back on and speeding out of Taeil's room as fast as he could. "I-I'll see you later, hyung."

~~~~~~~~~~

As Jaehyun stormed away from the sight he'd just witnessed, the only emotion crossing his mind was anger. Why would Doyoung do that? Why? Why? Why? Anger boiled in his veins as he grabbed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter from his room and headed out to the porch for a smoke. Nobody was there when he arrived, and he was grateful. He needed some time to think. 

He lit the end of the cigarette and took a long, deep drag, tilting his head to blow the smoke upward. His haggard breaths of rage almost immediately slowed down, and he was able to think once again. 

Why the hell was he so upset? This was the NCT sex club. There were no restrictions on who they could sleep with (other than Taeyong and Ten, because they didn't share). Lord knows Jaehyun had slept with all of the others multiple times, and he'd never really minded when Doyoung had done the same (at least, that's what he told himself). 

So why did it make him so angry to see Doyoung in such a state? 

"He's mine," the irrational part of Jaehyun's brain told him. 

But that was ridiculous. Jaehyun was straight, and so was Doyoung. This was just a game they were playing. It was just curiosity, experimentation. It didn't mean anything to either of them. Jaehyun just admired and respected Doyoung a lot, that was all. Doyoung was a very kind and talented hyung, who Jaehyun happened to get along with quite well. 

It means nothing. It means nothing. It means nothing. It means nothing. It means nothing. 

Jaehyun suddenly realized he was aggressively repeating the mantra out loud in between drags of his cig, and he physically grimaced. God was he pathetic. 

"Duh, you dumb bitch. You have a crush on him," the rational part of Jaehyun's brain told him. 

But that was ridiculous too. He was straight, he liked girls. 

"What girls?" The rational part of Jaehyun's brain asked. Jaehyun came up blank, and he glared at nothing. "Exactly," that rational being spoke. 

Jaehyun shook his head and grimaced again. He was straight. This was a game. That was that. 

His anger at Doyoung had been replaced with anger at himself and Jaehyun figured he should go back with the others, so he put out his cigarette on the railing and dropped it over the edge. Jaehyun leaned over and saw a smattering of cigarette butts littering the sidewalk beneath the dorm's balcony. The others must be having their own existential crises. 

He grabbed the bottle of febreze Taeyong had left on the porch for them, to mask the cigarette scent in front of the little ones, and Jaehyun spritzed himself with it before walking back inside. He got into his room and flopped on his bed, looking over to see Doyoung sitting on his own. 

"Hey there," Jaehyun said, chuckling uncomfortably. 

"Yo," Doyoung responded, clearly wanting to forget that the tension had never happened. "How was vocal practice?"

"Fine," Jaehyun responded. "The usual. Chenle running around screaming, Donghyuck winking at Mark and making him really uncomfortable, Taeyong playing with Ten's ass when they think no one is looking."

Doyoung laughed and grinned. "Sounds like a blast, to be honest."

"Well, how was...uh...Taeil?" Jaehyun asked, trying his very best not to make things awkward. 

Doyoung laughed again, but this time it was uncomfortable and stiff. He looked away from Jaehyun, a grimace on his lips. "It was...it was good," he responded simply. Jaehyun desperately didn't want to read too much into Doyoung's words and expressions, but it almost seemed like he regretted it. Like he didn't want Jaehyun to see him that way. Like he wished it had been Jaehyun instead. The very thought made Jaehyun's heart pound in his chest, so loud he was afraid Doyoung would hear. 

"I'm bored," Jaehyun spoke out loud, trying to force his thoughts to stop thinking, for once. 

"No way man, I can't suck two dicks in one day," Doyoung responded, and both of them laughed for real this time. Things were back to normal, and Jaehyun was incredibly grateful. 

"But you given me two BJs in one day," Jaehyun questioned. 

"Well, that's because it's you. It just feels easier with you," Doyoung admitted. 

Jaehyun's heart started doing that dumb poundy thing again and he tried his best to shut it off. "Are you saying I cum quickly?" Jaehyun teased. 

"Shut up! That's not what I meant," Doyoung whined back, but they both laughed. 

"Anyways, that's not what I wanted to do. Wanna watch TV together?" Jaehyun asked. 

"Sure!" Doyoung cheerfully and adorably responded, getting off of his bed and sitting down at the edge of Jaehyun's. Jaehyun grabbed his laptop as the pair got nestled beneath the covers, still wanting to get cozy despite the heat. 

They sat side by side as they shuffled through Netflix, trying to find something new. As they looked, Jaehyun caught a whiff of Doyoung's breath. 

"Mint," Jaehyun thought. He was grateful that Doyoung brushed his teeth; Jaehyun might have cried of Doyoung's breath reeked of Taeil's cum. 

Doyoung pointed out an anime Yuta had recommended to them and Jaehyun put it on, turning on subtitles and casually watching. 

The show was just boring enough that Jaehyun's mind wandered off. He thought about Doyoung next to him, the feeling of warmth radiating off of his soft, pale skin. Jaehyun could easily imagine the feeling of it beneath his fingers, caressing gently and lovingly, making Doyoung giggle or mewl or moan underneath him. Doyoung's breaths were soft and somehow perfect; Jaehyun had never even thought breaths could be beautiful but now every sound that left Doyoung's perfect lips was beautiful to Jaehyun. 

As if the infatuation in his heart couldn't get any worse, Doyoung paused the show and looked at Jaehyun. Jaehyun turned to him and blushed like a little girl, their faces only inches apart, and Jaehyun had never wanted someone to read his mind less than in that moment. 

"Can we snuggle?" Doyoung asked almost shyly. 

Jaehyun took a minute to process Doyoung's words before nodding vigorously. "O-of course," he stuttered back, pushing the laptop and blankets back so Doyoung could get comfortable. 

Doyoung crawled over Jaehyun's leg and nestled between his thighs, his butt resting on the bed. He leaned his head on Jaehyun's chest, his soft black hair tickling Jaehyun's chin. He was just so cute; he was warm and in some places Jaehyun was a bit uncomfortable but he couldn't fucking care less. He felt his heart almost burst into a million little pieces because this was perfect and Doyoung was perfect and everything was just so fucking perfect. 

"Are you cozy?" Jaehyun quietly asked. Doyoung looked up at Jaehyun and nodded with the purest smile on his face, and Jaehyun could only think that he was completely and utterly fucked. 

So he grabbed the laptop again and put the show back on, trying not to feel or think or do anything, just focus himself on this damn show. But Jaehyun felt like his subconscious was against him, so when Doyoung sighed contentedly Jaehyun looked down at Doyoung's frame. 

Jaehyun hadn't even noticed that he'd begun to rub gentle circles on Doyoung's back, his arm wrapped around those slim shoulders. He froze and he could even feel Doyoung pout. 

"Th-that was nice," Doyoung shyly stuttered. "Can you keep doing it?"

 Jaehyun sighed with annoyance but he couldn't ever resist any request Doyoung made, so he continued to gently caress Doyoung over his thin t-shirt. 

It was just so fucking domestic that it was almost painful, and part of Jaehyun's mind flashed that he wished Doyoung was a girl. But a small part of Jaehyun told himself that maybe he wouldn't even be so attached to Doyoung if he was a girl. Jaehyun wondered why for a brief moment, unable to silence his thoughts. 

"Duh, you dumb bitch. You have a crush on him," the rational part of Jaehyun's brain repeated. But Jaehyun grimaced and pushed it to the side, trying his very best to concentrate on the show. 


	11. others like them

"Are we having a party on Saturday?" Johnny asked Ten and Taeyong when the three of them were alone in the kitchen together. Although things were not as comfortable as before, relations between Ten and Taeyong and the rest of the NCT sex club had returned mostly to normal. Last time the dreamies were gone things had been too tense to party together, but now Johnny figured it would be fun and a way to bring them all back together for once and for all. 

Ten and Taeyong shared a soft, knowing smile before turning back to Johnny. "Actually, we had a better idea," Ten started. 

"What is it?" Johnny asked curiously. 

"Well, you guys are having so much gay sex lately, but none of you really know anything about gay culture. Which honestly is a travesty, because gay culture is the fucking best-" Taeyong started. Ten interrupted him with a cough, and Taeyong returned to the subject at hand. "Anyways, we thought it would be a lot of fun to take you all to a gay club." 

Johnny thought over it for a moment. "That actually sounds really fun," he answered. 

"We'll definitely ask the others then," Ten spoke, and after checking to see nobody had heard their conversation they dispersed. 

~~~~~~~~~~

On Saturday night, the NCT sex club was gathered in the living room. Wearing sweatpants and sloppy grins, they passed around Taeil's new vodka filled flask. 

"When should we get there by?" Jaehyun asked, looking at his phone.  

"Probably by eleven ish," Ten drawled, his head resting on Taeyong's shoulder. 

"Well, it's nine now," Jaehyun spoke. 

"Oh! We should get ready then," Ten responded, leaving Taeyong's side and gripping Doyoung and Yuta's wrists. "I'm gonna make you two look so pretty," he said excitedly, dragging the two of them into his and Taeyong's room. 

Once they were inside, Doyoung and Yuta shared a very confused look, which Ten was too drunk to pick up on. 

"You two are the whores, so obviously it's my job to get you ready," Ten spoke, rummaging through his clothing. 

"I am not a whore!" Doyoung loudly protested. 

"Maybe you aren't, but I am. I wouldn't have it any other way," Yuta interjected. Doyoung rolled his eyes as his friend (whose dick he just so happened to have sucked once or twice) and sat down on the ground as Ten tossed random items of clothing at them. 

"Put these on," Ten ordered, picking out his own clothes and starting to change. At this point, they had all been in so much more intimate situations together than simply changing in front of each other was no big deal. 

When they were all done they stood up, curiously peering over each other's outfits. Yuta was simply wearing a mesh t-shirt and jeans, and Ten had on a t-shirt with the word "princess" in sparkly letters, and rainbow sparkly shorts that showed just the very bottoms of his ass cheeks. It was quite slutty, but their outfits suited them perfectly. 

"You guys look so cute!" Ten cooed. 

"Fuck, Doyoung, you look fantastic," Yuta added. 

"You guys look nice too," Doyoung shyly responded, unused to all the praise. 

"Aren't I good? I knew I picked the right looks," Ten bragged. 

"Can I look in the mirror?" Doyoung asked. 

"No way!" Ten cried. "I have to do your hair and makeup first." Yuta and Doyoung sighed and sat down, annoyed for right now, but knowing that once Ten worked his magic they'd look fabulous. 

Ten made over Yuta first while Doyoung played with his phone, quickly calling Doyoung over next. He gave Doyoung a once over before starting to mess with his hair. 

"What are you doing?" Doyoung whined. "I just brushed it."

"Shut up and trust me," Ten responded, and Doyoung immediately went quiet. Ten soon finished playing with Doyoung's hair and started covering up his acne with concealer, before rubbing some glitter onto his cheekbones and collarbones. 

Finally, he pulled away and grinned, handing Doyoung a choker.

"You're all set hoe! Go put this on and look in the mirror," Ten ordered. Doyoung nodded and stood, walking over to the full length mirror and putting the choker around his neck. He took a step back to look over his frame. 

He was dressed in a very thin, white button down long sleeve top, tucked into almost miniscule iridescent shorts that matched the thick band of his choker. Unbuttoned at the top to expose the pale skin of his upper chest, with slightly mussed hair and a sparkling glow, he felt...sexy. He sort of got what the other boys were always talking about. He was suddenly very excited to show off to Jaehyun. 

Yuta began walking up to him but suddenly stopped in his tracks. "Damn Doyoung!" He spoke excitedly. "You look so fucking hot. You've gotta suck my dick later." 

"Maybe I will, maybe I won't," Doyoung teased. 

"Let's go back with the others; it's almost time to leave," Ten spoke, and the three of them walked back into the living room. 

"Ready to go?" Taeyong asked when they stepped back inside. Looking over everyone in the room, Doyoung noticed each of their revealing outfits. Taeil was dressed in a regular black hoodie and black short shorts, along with fishnets. Taeyong was wearing a pair of jeans and a denim button up top, opened all the way to reveal his toned chest. Jaehyun wore a black button up half open, tucked into jeans, and a tattoo choker. 

"Johnny, you look like a fucking gay lumberjack," Yuta teased. Johnny laughed along with him though, looking over his jeans and open flannel. All of the others laughed along with him, other than Jaehyun. Jaehyun was distracted. 

His eyes were practically glued to Doyoung's slightly shy figure in the corner, sauntering over to him and resting his hands on Doyoung's waist. 

"You look so fucking pretty don't you baby," Jaehyun mumbled in Doyoung's ear, seemingly entranced by the way he looked. Doyoung blushed and shyly turned his head away, but that didn't deter Jaehyun from still eyeing his body. 

"Break it up you two!" Ten called, delivering a smack to both Jaehyun and Doyoung's ass cheeks. "It's time to go."

While the pair blushed and the others chuckled, they walked out of the dorm building and into the uber taking them to the club. Luckily, the driver didn't seem to know what sort of place they were going to, because he didn't give them any dirty looks. 

The ride to the gay nightclub was quick and they soon arrived, the line to get in stretching halfway down the block. The others seemed surprised, but Ten and Taeyong weren't phased. It was clear that the two of them did this sort of thing often, and Doyoung did remember seeing the polaroids of them at similar nightclubs on the wall in their room. 

The group of seven stepped to the end of the line, more groups of scantily clad men flowing in behind them. A couple of boys waved at Taeyong and Ten, eyeing them and throwing friendly winks before taking their spot. Taeyong and Ten smiled and waved back at the men wearing similar clothes to themselves, clearly mutual friends. 

"Everyone here is dressed so crazy," Taeil spoke with a chuckle. Ten laughed back at him. 

"You think this is crazy? Bitch please, you should go to rave sometime. I went to raves all the time in high school," Ten responded. 

"You went to raves? I went to raves!" Taeyong excitedly cried. 

"Yet another thing you and I have in common. You see, you and I were meant to be," Ten spoke with a greasy wink. 

"God, those were the good old days though," Taeyong said. 

"I know. Getting on those slutty shorts and body glitter, taking ecstasy, having sex in the bathroom stalls....it was all just so much fun," Ten responded with a reminiscent sigh. The others looked at each other slightly uncomfortably but ignored the statement, Taeil reaching into his pocket for the flask again. 

"We don't wanna be too drunk or they won't let us in," Taeyong spoke, taking the flask once Taeil was done and passing it around the group. The alcohol circled them all as the line started to move forward, more people filing inside or getting kicked out of the line. 

When the boys finally reached the bouncer he grinned at the sight of Ten and Taeyong, ushering the entire group inside without a second word or thought. It was obvious that they were regulars. 

Doyoung nervously followed Ten and Taeyong's lead as they walked past the doors, down a long hall before reaching an entryway blocked by strings of sparkling beads. The boys each pushed their way through before finally entering the inside. 

The first thing Doyoung noticed was he bass was pounding harshly against his skull but under the influence of alcohol, it felt exciting and fresh and Doyoung could practically feel the blood coursing through his veins. Beside him was the bar, one very sexy bartender doing tricks for the men, who had already fallen under his trance, crowding the bar stools and counter until there was no space for anything but their lust. The DJ was sat on a stage, the spotlight missing him completely and shining directly on the spinning table, playing a remix of some American song from the 80's. The rest of the space was occupied by the dance floor, littered with strange people that Doyoung somehow felt like he needed to get to know. The scent of man, the good the bad and the ugly, took over almost everything. He could almost taste the alcohol and sweat in the air but it was delicious. Under the intensity of the atmosphere, the brush of Jaehyun's arm against his own was absolutely electrifying. Doyoung was overwhelmed, but in a good way. 

"Drinks?" Taeyong suggested. The others cheered, and they pushed their way on over to the bar. As soon as the bartender noticed Ten's presence he grinned and winked, counting who was in their group and setting out to make the drinks. Just a few minutes later he passed them a tray of tequila shots, two for each of them, and Taeyong handed him some cash. The bartender also shot Doyoung a look before saying something quietly to Ten. 

"I'm so fucking ready!" Johnny shouted. 

"You sound like a fuckin' frat boy," Ten teased, clinking his shot glass with those of the other boys. 

"First I'm a lumberjack, now I'm a frat. I can't ever please you," Johnny whined, but downed his two shots anyways. 

They had been tipsy but the alcohol lit a drunken fire within all of them, the pull of the dance floor calling to each of them in their own seperate way. 

"The bartender said that if you come by later he'll give you something for free," Ten told Doyoung when no one else was listening. "He thinks you're cute."

Doyoung blushed and giggled softly at the compliment, feeling uncomfortable but sort of empowered by all the attention he was getting tonight. He wanted to explore more of this unknown power, see how far he could really take it. 

When the boys all got out onto the dance floor they tried to stick together at first, partially for safety. But the other people at the club didn't seem to care about any of that, dancing up on them, and soon they were mostly parted from each other. 

Jaehyun tried to grind up on Doyoung but they quickly got pushed away from each other, lost in the beauty of the crowd. But Doyoung didn't mind, not one bit. He saw a peek of Jaehyun's eyes and blew him a kiss and a wink, but moved further away as soon as he knew Jaehyun saw.

He was cute and he knew it; he couldn't help but want to be a tease. If Jaehyun wanted him, Jaehyun had to come find him. But Doyoung was sure that Jaehyun would seach anywhere for him. Especially looking like he did. 

Lost in the music, Doyoung felt like magic with all of these eyes on him and hands reaching for him. Doyoung wasn't usually an attention seeker but tonight he felt he had every right to be one. But underneath all of that, the only thing he cared about was that Jaehyun saw him like this, with men desperately chasing after him. He wanted Jaehyun to think he was wanted, that he was a catch, and that it was a privilege for Jaehyun to have so much of Doyoung's self. But at the end of the day, Doyoung wouldn't give it to just about anybody else. 

Suddenly feeling his bladder pressing harshly on him, Doyoung snaked his way through the crowd to reach the bathroom. It was difficult to find, and Doyoung almost laughed when he entered. 

Covered in graffiti and litter and glitter, the place was a complete disaster. Two guys were making out pushed up against a wall, sandwiched in between a set of urinals. A few others were taking selfies in the mirror. Doyoung most definitely heard two guys having sex in one of the stalls, the sound somehow quite familiar to him. But with all of this alcohol and the craziness in his life anyways, none of it seemed like a such a big deal. So he finished his business at the urinal and washed his hands, turning his head to leave. 

But just as he was about to go the sight poking out beneath the door of the bathroom stall caught his eye. There were four sets of feet, and Doyoung most definitely recognized those shoes: the standing pair belonged to Johnny, and the one on his knees belonged to Taeil. Doyoung couldn't be sure, but he wanted to see if Taeil and Johnny were actually fucking in the bathroom (for blackmail purposes, of course). 

Going into the stall next to what Doyoung guessed was Taeil and Johnny's, Doyoung put the top down and stood on it to look over. And sure enough, Taeil was on his knees sucking Johnny's dick. 

When Doyoung started laughing obnoxiously Johnny looked up and gave him a glare. 

"Fuck off!" He loudly whined, swatting at Doyoung with his hand. Taeil looked up at saw him too, but instead of moving off Johnny's dick he just gave Doyoung the middle finger. 

But Doyoung had no regrets, leaving the men's bathroom and walking back out onto the dance floor. But peeing had drained Doyoung of some of his energy, and he needed something to perk him back up. Now, he thought, was as good a time as ever to take the bartender up on that free drink offer. 

He made his way over to bar and sat down on a stool, the bartender perking up at the sight of Doyoung. 

"What can I get for you, baby boy? It's on the house," He asked, leaning over the counter. 

"Uh...just another shot of tequila please," Doyoung responded, unsure of quite what to order. 

"Hm, he likes his liquor hard! I'm sure that's not the only thing," the bartender answered with a greasy wink before moving off to the side to make Doyoung's drink. 

Doyoung silently watched the bartender make his drink, his brain swirling with alcohol, taking in this every so slight moment of relaxation in before he went back out to party. That's why he didn't notice at all when a strong pair of arms snaked around his waist and a whisper tickled his ear. 

"Found you," Jaehyun mumbled, a certain alcohol drenched sexiness to his tone that sent coils of arousal through Doyoung. His inhibitions gone, he let out a tiny moan, his desperation for Jaehyun growing tenfold. 

"Want you," Jaehyun simply whispered, and it came off as more of an order than a statement. So without question Doyoung quickly obeyed, getting off of the barstool and following Jaehyun to a free space against the wall, his drink all but forgotten. 

With wild abadon Jaehyun pressed Doyoung into the wall and kissed him with fervor, the pair clambering at their clothing, desperate to be alone but fuck they were in public. They almost didn't care though, Jaehyun practically ripping Doyoung's top off of his shoulder to mouth at any bare skin he could reach, neck, collarbone, leaving dark purple marks that Doyoung wished would last as long as he fucking lived. 

Jaehyun recklessly moved back to Doyoung's mouth, picking him up by the ass and waist and pressing him harder into the wall. Doyoung instinctively wrapped his legs around Jaehyun's waist, keeping their already hot bodies pressed flush against each other's. 

"Fucking hell Doyoung, god when you stepped out of Ten's room earlier I almost died. I wanted to just bend you over and fuck you on the spot, do you even know how pretty you look? I know you do, because you've been teasing me all night. But baby I won't let you tease any more, I'm going to show these club assholes that you belong to me. The prettiest fucking boy in the entire club, the one everyone wants. Fuck baby, do you know what you do to me? I'm practically going crazy," Jaehyun mumbled against Doyoung's skin, fingers pressing hard against Doyoung, but Doyoung could only whimper and whine because he needed it and he needed it bad. 

Suddenly, a tap on Jaehyun's shoulder forced him away from Doyoung. The pair turned to see the others watching them with concern. 

"Come on, the paps are about to bust this place. We can't get caught," Ten explained. Doyoung and Jaehyun nodded in understanding, filing out of the club as fast as they could. They called another uber and let him drive them home as fast as they could, drunkenly giggling and gossiping about their wild night together. In the backseat, Doyoung and Jaehyun made out the entire car ride home, but the only one who was even phased at this point was the driver. 


	12. falling

Recently, Doyoung's mind had been wandering. Yes, he'd gone oh so far with Jaehyun and the other boys; simple kissing to making out to blow jobs in back rooms. But Doyoung had been unable to stop thinking about what was next.

Imagining going all the way with Jaehyun occupied almost all of Doyoung's waking (and dreaming) thoughts. It was like an obsession; thinking about the incredibly foreign feeling of having Jaehyun physically inside of him. 

It had gone so far that Doyoung kept himself shaved and clean for when the moment might possibly arrive to do it with Jaehyun, for real. In some people's eyes, he was technically still a virgin, so all of this was quite a big deal. 

It was a lazy afternoon with no schedule when it seemed the chance might arrive. With the members gone from the dorm and Jaehyun and Doyoung alone together, Doyoung figured now was as good a time as ever to bring the subject up. But something still held him back, the fear that Jaehyun would think it was just one step too far. 

"Cm'here," Jaehyun lazily mumbled, turning his head to look over into Jaehyun's bed. Usually he would've just ran over, but with these thoughts occupying his mind Doyoung shyly got out of his bed and climbed into Jaehyun's. 

Jaehyun didn't seem to noticed though, because Doyoung was quickly flipped underneath Jaehyun and pressed into the mattress. Jaehyun kissed him slowly, sweetly, heavily, like the late afternoon sun, and Doyoung soaked every minute of it up. Doyoung kissed him back, diving into those feelings of safety and warmth, tilting his head up and combing his thin fingers through Jaehyun's soft, red toned hair. With his eyes shut, Doyoung soaked up every other sense: the scent of Jaehyun's clean skin, the taste of toothpaste on his tongue, Jaehyun's hands cupping each side of Doyoung's face, the sound of Jaehyun's breaths growing quicker and heavier with each kiss. 

When things became more passionate between them, usually their kisses would speed up, hands grasping for more, lips pressing in harder. But as their arousal grew their speed remained the same, taking their sweet time. No more did they need to explore each other; they'd touched and tasted every inch of each other (at least above the belt). Now, they were appreciating each other instead, appreciating what they each saw as their own little pieces of perfection. 

Jaehyun's tongue was soft as it slid against Doyoung's lower lip and Doyoung parted them immediately, letting Jaehyun take control as his hand slow trailed down to Doyoung's slim waist. Doyoung sighed contentedly, the tension of arousal swirling with the relaxation of being with Jaehyun to put Doyoung in a state of utter bliss. 

Usually, Jaehyun liked to mark up Doyoung's skin, but Jaehyun didn't bother with that today. In both their minds they knew that it didn't matter how many hickies dotted Doyoung's neck, shoulders, and chest; at the end of the day Doyoung's heart belonged to Jaehyun, and visa versa. They didn't say it, no, of course they didn't, but they knew it, and for the first time in a while Doyoung's neck remained plain. 

Doyoung began to lift Jaehyun's tank top over his head, Jaehyun casually tossing it across the room before reaching back down to peck Doyoung's lips. Doyoung eyes trailed along Jaehyun's figure, slowly but surely unbuttoning his shirt and leaving him vulnerable. But Doyoung didn't mind being vulnerable, since Jaehyun was there to protect him. 

He knew it was time, when the pair usually stopped simple kissing and moved on to much naughtier tasks. Doyoung's heart yearned for more but he was too terrified to ask, not knowing if the two of them were ready to cross that line.  

"Should I suck first or you?" Doyoung asked, his words shattering the static yet soft silence filling the room. 

"Actually...I was wondering if we could do something different. Something...more," Jaehyun suggested, his nervous, darting eyes betraying his own hesitance to even suggest such a thing. But Doyoung sucked in a breath and smiled, more confidant now that he knew Jaehyun wanted the same things he did. 

"Okay. Let's do it," Doyoung responded, looking up at Jaehyun and brushing his bangs out of his face. They stared into each other's eyes for half a moment, confirming whether this was really happening or not, before Jaehyun nodded back. 

"Okay," he responded softly, and leaned back in for another kiss. The kiss was shaky, the two of them almost trembling with nerves, but it soon gave way to excitement as Jaehyun reached down to fiddle with Doyoung's jeans. He got the button open right away but was having trouble with the zipper, pulling away from the kiss to concentrate. The pair giggled softly, the air of their laughter fanning in each other's faces. 

"Here, let me help," Doyoung said softly, unable to wipe the smile off of his face as he put Jaehyun's hand on the zipper and shimmied out of them. Jaehyun's situation was a lot easier; he was just wearing sweats, so Doyoung simply pushed the pants off of his hips and down to his knees. 

The two separated for a moment to get their pants and underwear all the way off before peeling off their socks and coming back onto the bed. 

Doyoung laid down and Jaehyun immediately climbed on top of him, about to pull him in for another kiss before stopping. Doyoung froze too, suddenly realizing that they were both naked in front of each other. Yes, they'd both been naked in front of each other before, whether that was because they were giving each other blowjobs or they had to share showers. But this context changed everything; instead of thinking about the shower or just focusing on each other's penises they were gazing at each other's full bodies, flaws and all. 

And Doyoung thought Jaehyun was beautiful. Taut, lean muscles and ever so slighty tanned skin, strong thighs and eyes that glowed like fire. He was the sun, bright and warm and bringing Doyoung to life. 

Jaehyun sucked in a breath and Doyoung was suddenly nervous. 

"Wh-what?" He softly whined, covering up his chest, afraid Jaehyun thought he looked ugly. 

Jaehyun didn't respond, just gently pushed Doyoung's hands away and kissed him again. The kiss was so tender that Doyoung didn't even need to hear Jaehyun say it; he knew Jaehyun thought he was beautiful, like a dewdrop on a pale lily flower or the light of the crescent moon in the night sky. Jaehyun's hands caressed the parts of Doyoung's skin they'd never reached before; his hips, his thighs, the small of his back, yet Doyoung just held onto Jaehyun's face. With their lips still pressed together, Jaehyun reached between their bodies to suddenly grab both of their lengths and stroke them together. 

Doyoung immediately cried out, his head tilting back as he finally got relief for the ache. Jaehyun opened his eyes, giving Doyoung a once over before groaning at the sight of him in so much pleasure. 

"Don't come yet; I just want to get you off a little before we do the whole...uh...fingering thing," Jaehyun spoke, slightly shyly, as he circled around both of their tips with his thumb. Doyoung nodded, softly mewling at the feeling, breathing heightened. 

But Jaehyun soon released their cocks, an unfulfilled whine leaving both their lips as Jaehyun stood up to grab a condom and what Doyoung guessed was a tube of lubricant out of his bedside drawer. 

He leaned over to press a soft kiss onto Doyoung's cheek before squeezing some of the lube on his fingers, rubbing them against each other. 

"Now, I'm pretty sure I know how to do this, I looked it up on wiki how and stuff, but it did say it might hurt a lot...so if it hurts too much please tell me and I'll stop, alright? I don't want you to hurt," Jaehyun spoke gently before lifting up Doyoung's leg with his free hand. 

Doyoung blushed and tilted his head away, unused to such intimate parts of his body being exposed for the very first time. 

"Can you lift the other leg up too? I think it'll make it easier for both of us." 

"I-it's sort of embarrassing," Doyoung admitted shyly. 

Jaehyun sighed softly. "You look beautiful, darling. You've got to trust me." He pressed a kiss to the back of Doyoung's thigh and Doyoung shyly lifted up his other leg, feeling a lot better when Jaehyun stroked Doyoung's thighs. 

Suddenly, a slightly cold digit pressed against Doyoung's hole, and he squirmed at the extremely foreign sensation. 

"Is it bad?" Jaehyun asked, looking at Doyoung with worry and stopping his movements. 

"No," Doyoung responded, turning back to watch Jaehyun. "It's just different. Keep going." Jaehyun silently nodded and returned to pressing at Doyoung's tightness, circling the rim for a few seconds. Doyoung felt it flutter and he blushed again, but the soft noise Jaehyun released made Doyoung think maybe it wasn't embarrassing at all. 

Finally, Jaehyun began to insert the first digit. It definitely felt strange, but at the same time Doyoung enjoyed it, knowing what was to come after it. The lube definitely made the slide in easier, Jaehyun's strong finger slowly dragging in and out to make it as unpainful as possible. Doyoung knew it was best to relax so he did his absolute best to focus on the strange pleasure and not the discomfort this action caused him. 

When Jaehyun added the second finger Doyoung began to feel the burn he'd heard about, whimpering softly as he hit a cold sweat. Jaehyun shushed him softly and brushed his hair out of his eyes, giving him a sympathetic and caring look as he held his fingers still. 

"Just try to relax, okay?" Jaehyun said softly, sensing Doyoung was in pain. Doyoung nodded and did his best to listen to Jaehyun, releasing all of his tension into his right hand's grip of the sheets. 

The pain soon gave way and Doyoung looked up at Jaehyun, showing him he was ready for more movement, and Jaehyun oblidged right away. Starting slow, he worked Doyoung faster and faster, starting to do a scissoring motion inside Doyoung's tightness. The more Jaehyun's nimble fingers moved, the more Doyoung felt a deep-seated pleasure he'd never felt before, and soon he found himself moaning softly. At that point, Jaehyun figured it was time to add another finger, this time going in much more easily. Yes, there was still some discomfort, but Doyoung barely noticed it at all. 

But nervous bubbled back up inside Doyoung when Jaehyun's fingers were slowly and gently removed from his hole, watching as Jaehyun poured a generous amount of lube onto his condom covered cock. He climbed on top of Doyoung, situating himself so that his cock lined up with Doyoung's hole, and Doyoung wrapped his slim legs around Jaehyun's waist. 

"Are you ready?" Jaehyun softly asked. 

Doyoung gave Jaehyun a silent, slow nod, and began to push inside. 

Jaehyun was girthier than his fingers and the pain returned, making Doyoung pant and cling to Jaehyun's muscular back. Jaehyun held him tightly, moving no deeper into Doyoung. But as Doyoung got more used to the intrusion and he nodded softly, Jaehyun knowing he could slide in all the way.

Once Jaehyun's cock was seated completely inside of Doyoung he held still. At first heavily panting into the crook of Doyoung's neck, he soon pulled away to stare down at Doyoung's face. With a free hand, he traced Doyoung's details: his brows, his cupid's bow, the dip beneath his eyes, the crook of his ear, his heart shaped lips, his soft cheek. 

"M-my god Doyoung," Jaehyun stuttered, finally looking through Doyoung's eyes into his soul. "You're perfect." 

Doyoung's skin flushed pinker than it already was and he looked down for a moment. But he couldn't tear his eyes from Jaehyun for too long, and he looked back up. Doyoung remained silent, speechless, unable to find the words to express what exactly was pressing in his mind, in their darkest depths. 

Jaehyun rolled his hips now and Doyoung could only release a loud breath, his lips parting with the feeling of ever so slight pain and great pleasure. Jaehyun groaned loudly, his head resting on Doyoung's chest as he repeated the action. It felt even better this time, Doyoung releasing a real moan as Jaehyun began to roll his hips into Doyoung, over and over and over again. 

He soon picked up a pace, Doyoung releasing the gentlest of noises with each movement that made Jaehyun's heart swell more than his own cock. He looked back up into Doyoung's eyes, unable to tear their gazes away from each other, energy flying between them that the pair had been pushing away since this whole thing began. The energy wasn't loud, it wasn't overpowering; it was intense but it was tender. Doyoung would've said it was too tender in any other circumstance, but Jaehyun was tender and all he wanted was Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun's pupils were blown wide and he couldn't stop looking at him, and Doyoung finally understood what people meant by the phrase "making love." 

Doyoung's physical arousal suddenly peaked and Doyoung mewled desperately, looking up at Jaehyun for relief. He was happy to oblidge, wrapping his fingers around Doyoung and stroking in time with his own movements inside him. Peppered with kisses on his shoulder, it wasn't long before Doyoung released between them with a cry of Jaehyun's own name. And Doyoung could feel Jaehyun was close too, with his erratic thrusts and breathing and the way his grip on Doyoung's waist became tighter but not any less loving. His gaze only became more adoring, looking at Doyoung as if he was the most precious thing in the world, and in that moment, he was. 

Jaehyun suddenly pressed his own forehead directly up against Doyoung's and came, hard, into him. He panted loudly, his parted lips breathing hot air onto Doyoung's face, as he pressed Doyoung into a passionate kiss. Doyoung kissed back with the same fervor, holding onto Jaehyun's strong arms, before Jaehyun slowly slid out. 

Doyoung's hole felt empty but his heart felt full as Jaehyun tied up the condom and tossed it into the trash can before laying back down on Doyoung. Pulling a blanket on top of their bare bodies, he snuggled himself deep into Doyoung's chest. 

The only feeling Doyoung could call to mind at that moment was bliss. It was so lovely, it was so perfect, it felt so good, Jaehyun was so lovely, Jaehyun was so perfect, Jaehyun felt so good. Doyoung couldn't even help but smile at nothing, as ridiculous as it was. 

The room was silent but no words needed to be spoken; all they needed was each other's gentle touches and loving breaths. Doyoung knew Jaehyun could hear his heartbeat, and that was all Jaehyun needed to hear from him. Jaehyun shot Doyoung a soft smile, searching through the covers for his hand. Doyoung reached for his fingers and they intertwined loosely together, the tender touch being just enough. 

As they silently basked in the fading light of the sun, their afterglows remained for a long time. But as they began to fade, Doyoung's bliss turned into darkness. 

He swallowed thickly and turned his head away so he couldn't see Jaehyun, thoughts beginning to swirl in his head. 

He'd just had sex with Jaehyun. Hell, he'd lost his virginity to Jaehyun, another man. Doyoung was straight. He liked girls. 

Jaehyun's adoring expressions filled Doyoung's head and he pushed them aside with every piece of himself. He didn't feel anything for Jaehyun. He couldn't. What they'd done was too tender, too sweet, too pure, to filled with feelings. This was the NCT sex club. It was about sex and getting off; not making tender love in the afternoon and watching each other adoringly. His heart was too big and it pounded too hard for Jaehyun. It was wrong. The two of them, hell, all of them had been pushing the boundary line of what was acceptable for too long, and now they'd fucking crossed it. 

"I-I'm gonna go shower," Doyoung said, needing to get away from Jaehyun so he didn't have to remember the way he'd looked at him. 

"I'll join you," Jaehyun firmly responded. Doyoung looked over at Jaehyun, immediately regretting it after. Jaehyun looked just as torn and upset and regretful as Doyoung did. 

He wanted to fucking cry. 

But he forced his tears away and got out of the bed, searching for his own boxers to slip on in a useless attempt to take back what he'd let Jaehyun see. Jaehyun did the same, and Doyoung didn't know if it made him feel better or worse. 

The pair silently padded off to the bathroom, the silence strangling and uncomfortable instead of open and pure. They kicked off the boxers and turned on the water, adjusting towels or folding clothes or doing literally anything so they didn't have to look at each other. 

When the water was warm enough they both stepped in, eyes still glued down to the shower floor. The managed to share the tiny area alright; not bumping into each other and alternating between being underneath the water without too much physical discomfort, but the mental discomfort pushed down on them like the world was on their very shoulders. 

Doyoung felt Jaehyun's gaze on him for a split second before the feeling disappeared, the sound of a sniffle following just moments after. Doyoung needed to get out and get out now. 

He finished washing his body off as quickly as he could before stepping out, rubbing himself dry with the towel before almost running out of the room. 

Jaehyun was still in the shower when the others came back. Nobody saw them, so nobody knew anything was off. They both skipped dinner; and Jaehyun slept on the couch that night. 


	13. experimentation

Yuta, Taeil, and Johnny were alone for the night. Jaehyun had left for the weekend, insisted on going back home to clear his head. Doyoung was on a night walk, and the boys had no idea when he'd be back. Taeyong and Ten had taken the opportunity to rent a hotel room, leaving the three with some semblance of peace and quiet. But the thoughts that occupied their minds were far from peaceful. 

"I can't believe Doyoung and Jaehyun actually fucked. Like...anally fucked," Yuta spoke. 

"You think they did? I mean, I thought so but I wasn't sure..." Taeil trailed off. 

"Oh it's obvious," Johnny responded. "Do you remember the two days after we all thought it happened? Doyoung was walking around with a little limp, Taeyong and Ten were constantly giggling in the corner, and, you know, Jaehyun and Doyoung have been super weird with each other ever since. If that isn't it, I don't know what was." 

"I overheard Taeyong and Ten talking about it. They said they were sure, and if they think Doyoung and Jaehyun had sex then I believe them," Yuta added. 

"Hm, I guess that sounds about right," Taeil spoke. 

"I wonder what happened, you know?" Johnny said. "Ever since it happened last week they've been avoiding each other. It's sad."

"I mean, all of us know they love each other. Maybe it brought up feelings they aren't ready to deal with," Taeil responded. 

"It could be," Johnny softly trailed off, leaving the three boys in silence once again. After a few minutes of silence, Yuta suddenly scoffed. 

"Don't you guys kind of wanna try it now?" Yuta asked cheerfully. 

"Try what?" Taeil hesitantly responded. 

"You know, fucking. Like, fucking," Yuta said. "If they went so far, we should go so far." 

Johnny thought for a moment. "I dunno. I'm kinda on the fence."

"I think it's crossing a line," Taeil responded. "Anyways, how would we do it? Would we just take turns while the other watches?" 

"It was just a suggestion," Yuta said, shrugging his shoulders. 

"I mean....I have been curious about threesomes," Johnny spoke, his voice dropping to an almost whisper. 

"We could start with that then see how we feel," Taeil added, and the three boys shared a sexy and excited smile. 

"Let's do it," Yuta responded. 

After working out the details, they decided that Yuta would suck Taeil's dick while Johnny watched to start. Yuta did love having a dick in his mouth. 

Johnny sat down on his own bed, the one across from Yuta's. Taeil laid down, sitting up a little bit to get that perfect view of Yuta, while Yuta nestled himself in between Taeil's legs. He grinned cheekily before sliding upward, cupping the side of Taeil's face to kiss him softly. 

Johnny tilted his head at the precious sight, smiling softly as Taeil and Yuta made out casually on Yuta's bed. He never thought he would come to enjoy this sight, let alone be aroused by it, but he was happy for it all the same. Maybe he didn't have the same attachment to the boys as Doyoung and Jaehyun and Taeyong and Ten did to each other, but he really and truly loved them. Yes, maybe this whole thing was a bit weird, but all of it just came from a place of curiosity. It ended up turning into something eye opening and beautiful, and it taught him at least that maybe sexuality isn't so rigid after all. He can still be straight and think Taeil and Yuta are beautiful and sexy and want them badly. 

Yuta started expertly fiddling with the button of Taeil's pants and Johnny smirked, watching as pants got pushed to ankles and Taeil's briefs were revealed. Still kissing, Yuta cupped his hand over Taeil's growing erection and rubbed, eliciting a moan from the older boy. Yuta and Johnny shared an excited grin before Taeil's boxers were removed as well. 

Yuta moved back down so his face was right next to Taeil's length, his soft and slow breaths fanning over its sensitivity. Yuta smiled at it, almost affectionately, before wrapping his hand around it and stroking at a teasingly slow pace. 

"Hurry up," Johnny and Taeil simoultaneously groaned, sharing a chuckle while Yuta rolled his eyes and stroked faster. At the same time, Johnny unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling his cock out of his boxers and stroking slowly, his eyes glued to the pair. 

Yuta finally put his mouth over Taeil's head, focusing on the head with his nimble tongue sliding along the underside and the slit. Taeil released a loud moan, the noise making Johnny's cock jump in his pants, and he squirmed on the bed. Asking Yuta to stop teasing was a dangerous game and Taeil knew it; only sometimes he would actually oblige. Mostly, he would either keep teasing or go in hard, and Taeil knew that today he'd do the latter. It would be good, but almost too good. 

Using his spit to slick up Taeil's length, Yuta began to slide his mouth over the entirety of Taeil's member. Yuta was quite adjusted to taking cock so all of Taeil was in his mouth soon enough, a little bit of precum dribbling out of the corner of his mouth. Taeil released a soft noise at the pretty sight, and Johnny had to stroke faster to keep up. 

Yuta was not wasting any time, bobbing his head as if his life depended on it, rubbing the inside of Taeil's extremely sensitive thighs with his fingers. He didn't stop for anything, even when Taeil accidentally bucked up into his throat, and both Taeil and Johnny were afraid they'd come all too soon. 

"Wait-" Taeil spoke, pushing on Yuta's forehead. Yuta pulled off with a pop, his lips slick, and looked up at Taeil expectantly. Johnny too was gratefully for the chance to slow down, not wanting to spill over embarrassingly early. "I want to try sex. Like....butt sex," he explained. Both boys looked at Johnny. 

"Me too," Johnny responded, and he meant it. After a bit of thinking and jacking off, he realized it would be fun for them. It would just be casual and nice, since none of them had weird unresolved feelings like Doyoung and Jaehyun. 

"Alright!" Yuta cheered excitedly. "How do we wanna do this?" 

The boys decided that Yuta could keep sucking Taeil's dick while Johnny fucked him. Taeil sat up more on the bed, and Yuta adjusted himself so his face was still by Taeil's length but his ass was in the air for Johnny to use. 

Johnny groaned at the sight of Yuta's pretty, pretty frame doing dirty, dirty things, unable to stop himself from pressing a kiss to each of Yuta's surprisingly plump cheeks. Yuta whined but threw Johnny a wink before returning to his work on Taeil's cock, licking up the sides as his body adjusted to the new positioning. 

Having bought some lube a while back, just in case this situation ever happened, Johnny smiled to find it still in his bedside drawer. He squeezed a bit on his fingers and looked over to find Yuta still happily sucking Taeil's cock, Taeil's hand in Yuta's hair. 

Yuta's hole was clean and somehow...pretty, making Johnny all the more excited to test the waters and see how it felt inside. He wondered if it felt anything like a vagina, seeing how he wasn't a virgin, before slowly sliding a slicked up finger into Yuta. 

Johnny released a groan of arousal. If only fingering felt this good, how would being inside him feel? But Yuta started whimpering softly, Taeil's cock still inside him mouth. Taeil gently caressed his face and Johnny leaned over his body. 

"Does it hurt?" Johnny asked softly. Yuta shook his head and took his mouth off of Taeil with heavy, panting breaths. 

"No. It's just weird," Yuta admitted, then gave both of them a smile. "Keep going." And with that, he returned to casually sucking Taeil's dick, and Johnny knew he could continue. 

He slid his finger back and forth into the Japanese boy beneath him, his whimpers of unfamiliarity quickly becoming moans of pleasure. Once he figured Yuta was slicked up enough, he added another finger. Yuta started whimpering again but he calmed down with the simple caress of Taeil and Johnny's hands, his two best friends always taking care of him no matter what situation. 

Johnny tried to remember what he'd seen from the one or two gay pornos he'd watched in his lifetime (one of them shown to him by Ten, of course). He thought of when the top started doing a scissoring motion inside of the bottom, and Johnny repeated the action. It seemed to open Yuta up faster, and by the way Yuta was softly moaning around Taeil it seemed to feel good, so Johnny continued. 

By the time Johnny added the third finger Yuta seemed more than ready, pressing his ass back against Johnny's fingers, despite his inexperience already seeming to crave more. And who was Johnny to deny him? Yuta had been such a good boy. 

So Johnny finally kicked his pants off, boxers included, and tossed them onto his bed. He stroked his cock a few times, drizzling lubricant on top, before lining himself up with Yuta. Gripping tightly onto Yuta's hips he slid himself inside, releasing a deep groan with the tight feeling. 

Yuta immediately pulled off of Taeil to release his own noises, somewhere between a strangled cry of pain and a loud moan of ecstasy. Johnny rubbed Yuta's hips as Taeil ruffled his hair, helping to ease the first one of them to try this new act. 

"How does it feel?" Taeil asked. 

"It k-kinda hurts," Yuta admitted in a stutter. "B-but it feels good. Really good." 

Taeil and Johnny shared a look, both holding back to let their friend adjust. But it didn't take Yuta long at all, as soon he was back to stroking Taeil. Johnny assumed he could finally move and pulled himself a bit out before pushing back in, letting out another groan. 

Taeil hadn't even realized how close he was when Yuta moaned loudly around Taeil, the vibration causing Taeil to get closer and closer to the edge. Yuta recognized this, from all of the practice he got, and bobbed his head in time with Johnny's thrusts, soon working up a rhythm. The pressure of Johnny's thrusts onto Yuta's hot mouth were all too much for Taeil and he came, hard, all of his seed landing in Yuta's mouth. 

Yuta swallowed it dutifully and smiled at Taeil as Johnny fucked him from behind, the prettiest sight Taeil had ever seen. 

"Are you ready now?" Yuta asked in a croak, the sort of post blow job gruffness laced with arousal. Taeil nodded softly and Johnny helped them all adjust so Yuta was straddled across Johnny's lap and Taeil was bent over, ready to be opened up by Yuta's fingers. 

Now Taeil was extremely nervous, seeing how the farthest he'd ever gone is with these boys and Doyoung and Jaehyun. He'd never even had sex with a girl in the first place, so he wasn't sure if he'd be good enough. But Johnny and Yuta's encouraging faces, thrown back in pure pleasure, were enough to convince Taeil that this was the right decision after all. Instead of losing his virginity to some girl he met in a club whose name he'd forget the next day, he'd lose it to two of his best friends. 

Taeil wiggled his ass cutely, testing out the new feeling of being exposed in this sense, and Yuta giggled at the sight. 

"So...pretty," Yuta mumbled, already broken from being fucked wide up, Johnny concentrating on bouncing Yuta on his lap. Taeil just wiggled a bit more and Johnny passed Yuta the lube, Yuta squeezing it on his finger and rubbing it between to warm the gel up. 

He started by circling his forefinger around Taeil's rim, letting him test out the foreign sensation. Taeil shivered; it felt weird and unusual but most definitely good, and he found himself wanting more. 

Yuta pushed in slowly but definitely and Taeil felt himself flutter around Yuta's finger, hanging his head between his hands in embarrassment. But turning his head he could see Yuta was smirking, moving his finger in and out faster as the tight ring of muscles become more pliant. Taeil found himself enjoying the feeling, falling apart at Yuta's hands, and he could see why Yuta was moaning wantonly and bouncing on Johnny's dick as if his life depended on it. 

Taeil enjoyed watching Johnny and Yuta as he got stretched open, Yuta riding Johnny hardcore and Johnny still pushing up into Yuta, his hugeness stretching Yuta wide but the pain seemed to have faded away. Maybe, Taeil theorized, it didn't fade away at all. Instead, it just stopped mattering, all of the other sensations taking over instead. 

Yuta's second finger send a burning sensation into Taeil's sensitive ass and lower back, panting hard as he did everything he could to relax. Yuta caressed him with trembling hands, despite being on the verge of orgasm, and cooed softly to him. 

"You're doing so good, it'll feel better soon." 

And Taeil believed him, Yuta's words relaxing him better than he could force himself, and soon the pain of Yuta's two fingers become pleasure. Taeil found himself wanting more, something bigger, thicker, harder, and despite the fact that he just came he was growing hard once again. Just the idea of someone, whether that be Yuta or Johnny, inside him was enough to get him off. 

Yuta's third finger came in quick, yet somehow it was erratic. His hands shook a bit and his thrusts into Taeil were erratic, and Taeil figured he was on the edge. Barely concentrating on Taeil any more, Yuta rode Johnny up and down. He used his free hand to finally reach between his and Johnny's muscular body, and finally, with a few strokes of his painfully hard cock, he came.

The white liquid painted both of their stomachs with stripes and once Yuta had fully ridden his orgasm, it was clear he was completely spent. Johnny's dick and feeling Taeil's tightness had been just enough, and he couldn't take anymore. 

Johnny released a soft noise and laid Yuta down on the bed, suddenly gesturing to Taeil. 

"Can I have him now?" Johnny asked. Yuta nodded and slowly slid his fingers out of Taeil. 

"He's all yours," Yuta breathlessly responded, and the two looked at Taeil. 

"I'm all yours," Taeil added, looking back at Johnny, and Johnny responded with a smile. With his strong muscles, Johnny could lift Taeil back onto the middle of the bed, bending over backwards into doggy style. He wiggled a bit for Johnny and Johnny seemed to like that too, rubbing circles into any patches of skin he could reach before slowly pushing his way into Taeil. 

Being filled up was everything Taeil had imagined in the past few minutes: a little bit of pain, a lot of pleasure, not to mention Johnny's size being a big part of this. He scrambled at the bedsheets, clutching whatever fabric he could reach, as Johnny sat himself at the hilt. Taeil knew Johnny was close, really close, but he was trying to hold back so he could experience a little bit more of Taeil's tightness. Taeil appreciated it, as he most definitely liked the feeling of Johnny being inside. 

That slight burn at the beginning quickly faded away as Johnny began to establish a rhythm, trying to be slow at first but quickly building up a pace to match the one he'd had with Yuta. It was a little much for Taeil but he found himself more than adjusting, instead really liking the slight roughness with which Johnny treated him. 

Taeil felt a little bit ridiculous that he was so close already, especially having had just came, but he felt better when he realized Johnny was close too. Looking behind him he saw Johnny's face, beautifully contorted in pleasure, biting his lip hard with softly flushed skin. To Taeil's right was Yuta, still recovering from the sheer force of his orgasm, legs slightly spread and pupils still blown. He looked well fucked and beautiful, and the sight of both of Taeil's friends in different states of pleasure was enough to push Taeil to the very edge. 

His arms giving out, Taeil rested his face in the pillow as a hand reached to stroke his length. He mewled and groaned, so much pleasure attacking him at so many different angles. 

But the final straw was Johnny finally spilling his load deep into Taeil, a long overdue groan of release and ecstasy and relief evident in Johnny's tone. The feeling of the warm semen filling him was enough to send Taeil over too, coming in spurts onto the bed beneath. 

Overwhelmed with exhaustion, Taeil immediately collapsed onto Yuta's bed, grimacing at the feeling of him sinking into his own cum. Johnny laid on top of him, his body keeping Taeil feeling warm and comforted. 

"Mmh, join us Yuta," Johnny said, and Yuta sleepily scooted towards the pair, snuggling into him as well. 

The boys sat in blissfull silence for a few moments before speaking up. 

"Well....that was gay as fuck," Yuta started, and the others laughed. 

"It was amazing as fuck too though," Johnny added with a smile. 

"They're not mutually exclusive," Taeil mumbled, already feeling himself begin to get sleepy. 

"We should clean up," Johnny spoke, but Yuta and Taeil groaned loudly at the very thought of standing.

"No way. Let's just go to bed," Yuta responded, and Taeil could only softly hum his agreement. The boys all gave each other soft kisses before waddling out of Yuta's bed, filing into their own. 

"Good night, peeps," Johnny said. "Thanks for having such tight assholes." 

Yuta and Taeil laughed aloud, and with their final goodnights, they all feel asleep. 


	14. reality

Doyoung knew he'd been distracted for days and days on end. It had been a week since he'd lost his virginity to Jaehyun, and it was most definitely the messiest week of Doyoung's life. His brain was scattered, causing him to lose his things and not focus and to close up to the other members. To anyone, it was obvious he was a mess. 

What caused all of this, Doyoung was sure, was everything going on with Jaehyun. They had barely spoken since they'd made love together, only when living and working together absolutely necessitated it. But he couldn't confront Jaehyun yet. No, he was still much too confused about everything. 

Two days before Doyoung and Jaehyun had broken, unable to avoid each other anymore.

Jaehyun had pulled Doyoung into the shower and Doyoung followed, no hesitation. He let Jaehyun shut and lock the door behind him as he turned on the shower water, heat all the way up. He let Jaehyun strip him of his clothes, tearing some of them apart, scattering them all over the bathroom (there was no way he could complain though, passion and frustration drove him to do the same). He let Jaehyun push him up against the freezing tile of the shower wall, picking up his legs and wrapping them around his waist. He let Jaehyun make his form of art, the purple marks all over Doyoung's pale, freezing skin, making Doyoung moan and whimper and whine in all the ways that Jaehyun adored. He let Jaehyun put him down and throw one of Doyoung's legs over his shoulder, getting on his knees to leave even more fucking hickies on the insides of his overly sensitive thighs. He let Jaehyun push him to his limits of pain and pleasure, make him squirm and barely hold himself up, Jaehyun's strong hands the only thing keeping him steady. He let Jaehyun suck his cock until he was on the very edge of orgasm, his length red and angry, sobbing noises escaping his lips at just how bad and good all of it felt. He let Jaehyun pick him up again, still holding him tightly, using his free hand to caress the perfection that was Doyoung's naked skin. He let Jaehyun spread apart his firm ass cheeks and slide a finger into him, covered in body lotion, and jerk it up and down. He let Jaehyun take him and break him, bouncing and clenching on Jaehyun's hand as one finger become two and two became three, Doyoung's body practically torn apart. He let Jaehyun hold him once again and he gripped Jaehyun back, clinging onto his broad shoulders with splayed and trembling hands. He let Jaehyun lower him down on his cock, slowly and steadily, the pair watching it go inside, Doyoung's high moan contrasting with Jaehyun's low and dark one. He let Jaehyun stay inside him for a few minutes while he stayed, trying to prevent himself from coming inside his beautiful boy. He let Jaehyun finally thrust up into him and he let Jaehyun make him bounce on his cock and he let Jaehyun make angry, passionate, aggressive, hateful, love to him. He let Jaehyun get erratic with his thrusts and finally kiss Doyoung on the lips as he mumbled "so perfect, so beautiful, gonna come, oh fuck-", he let Jaehyun come inside of him. He let Jaehyun stroke him to completion, Doyoung coming in almost no time at all, moaning out Jaehyun's name with every part of his being. He let Jaehyun still hold him up as they both basked in the light of their highly tainted afterglow. He let Jaehyun cry on his shoulder after the afterglow faded for a few minutes; he couldn't judge though because he cried too. He let Jaehyun get out of the shower, turning it off as he exited it, slowly getting dressed without making eye contact with Doyoung or speaking a single word. He let Jaehyun leave him there, naked and vulnerable, still dripping in come, on the floor of the shower in the cold bathroom. He let Jaehyun make him feel like shit. 

And then things went back to the new normal. No words spoken, no eyes connected, no hands on bodies (chaste or sexual). It felt so damn wrong but Doyoung didn't know what to do. Talking to Jaehyun meant talking about what they'd done, and therefore about how they felt. Both of them knew that was one step they weren't quite ready for. 

After running these thoughts in his mind for the umpteenth fucking time that day, let alone that week, Doyoung forced himself to sit up. He'd only let the bed that day to brush his teeth, and he could feel his stomach growling. Even if he wasn't hungry, he should eat. 

As he padded past each other the rooms, a soft voice he knew all too well emerged from the bathroom. With a shy peek inside Doyoung realized it was Jaehyun, all by himself, staring into the mirror. Despite himself, Doyoung couldn't move away, and he paused to listen. 

"I-I'm not..." Jaehyun stuttered into the mirror, staring back at his own reflection. "I'm not fucking gay." His voice was a low growl, and Doyoung felt his own heart hurt at Jaehyun directing so much anger towards himself. "I think I love him though," Jaehyun responded to his own self, his voice growing softer. "You can't, Jaehyun. You can't. You don't. Remember your ex girlfriend? Was your relationship with her meaningless? Fuck, of course it was, you never loved her. That doesn't mean you're gay though, you're not, you're not, you're straight. You're straight and normal, and one day you're going to have a normal relationship and you're going to get married your parents are going to proud of you. You've liked girls before. You have! You have! I know, I know, it's not the same as with Doyoung but when will it fucking ever be? You know what, it doesn't even matter if you're gay or not, you just can't love a man. You can't. You're not gay in the first place, but even if you were you just couldn't live that way. No one thinks it's okay. It's wrong. You have to do what's right, everyone always said you were such a good, clean cut boy, and clean cut boys like clean cut girls, girls who can cook and want to have kids, and you're gonna marry one of those girls. Jaehyun, that's what's right."

Jaehyun angrily glared at himself in the mirror, tears welling up in his eyes. He turned his head away and sniffled to himself, staring down at the sink. "But...what if you could?" Jaehyun asked himself quietly, crying now for real, wiping the tears off of his face. "What if I could love him?"

And with Jaehyun's final whispered words Doyoung took off as fast as his legs would take him. Luckily Jaehyun was too wrapped up in his thoughts to hear Doyoung take off, his face in his palms to hide his own tears from any members passing by. 

This was even worse. Knowing he was developing feelings for Jaehyun was one thing, but being sure Jaehyun felt the same way was entirely another. Their emotions were shared, but now the chance of things between them getting too dangerous was raised. The fact that they were legitimately in love, but both were denying their own selves, was too painful to even imagine. Doyoung knew he had to talk to someone. Someone who understood. 

Doyoung approached on Taeyong and Ten's shut door, softly knocking. 

"Come in," Ten responded a few seconds later. Doyoung found Ten alone in his room, staring at his laptop with a neutral expression. He looked up at Doyoung and immediately frowned, getting up to shut the door behind Doyoung and lead him to sit down. 

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" Ten asked with concern, the two of them sitting on the empty bed in their room. Doyoung immediately started to sob, burying his face in his palms, his shoulders jerking up and down. Ten simply rubbed Doyoung's back and looked on sympathetically. 

"Take your time," he mumbled, and Doyoung gave him a soft nod. He calmed down after a few minutes, and began to explain. 

"W-well, I-I guess this all has to do with Jaehyun," Doyoung responded, and Ten sucked in a big knowing breath. 

"Why don't you tell me everything that happened between you two? From the beginning," Ten requested, and Doyoung nodded. 

"I guess Jaehyun has been my closest friend here since I was a trainee. I was always very attached to him, and him to me. I felt a special connection to him, but I never really knew why. Then, we all played that spin the bottle game, and I had my first kiss with him. I know I kissed a lot of other guys that night but all I could really remember was my kiss with Jaehyun. And believe me, there were definitely sparks. You see, that's how it's always been continuing: I'll take things with Jaehyun one step further, and then we'll try it out with the other guys. But doing stuff with the other guys never really seems to matter to me; the only person I ever really want to be with is Jaehyun. Like, completely honestly, I only see Johnny and Yuta and Taeil as friends even though we hook up. I almost never ask them if they want to do anything myself, unless I'm feeling jealous because of Jaehyun. But doing sexual things with Jaehyun just feels...right. Like, we always cuddle afterwards, and it feels like he knows who I truly am. Along the way, I...I guess I fell for him. But I never really realized it until we had sex last week. Like, sex sex. It was crazy; I've never felt that happy or intimate with a person before. It really felt like we made love. But then, after that, I think both of us realized it was too much and that we're not really ready to face the feelings it brought up for us. It's been really sad and awkward between us ever since, and even though I hate it I don't really think I can do anything about it. It breaks my heart though," Doyoung admitted, his head hanging sadly. 

"Do you love him?" Ten asked, point blank. 

Doyoung sighed. "I do. I do love him." 

"Are...Are you gay?"

Doyoung sighed again. "Yeah...I think I am." Doyoung released a huge breath. "But I wish I wasn't." 

Ten looked up at him sharply and Doyoung's cheeks filled with fire. "I-I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I didn't mean it like that-" 

"I feel the same way sometimes," Ten interrupted, and it was Doyoung's turn to look at Ten with surprise. 

"Y-You do?" Doyoung stuttered, and Ten nodded. 

"It's not easy. You recognize that. There are just so many people that will never understand, and so many of them don't want to even try. It's considered okay to treat our community like crap, and they think we're either disgusting or just one big joke. Did you know that I haven't spoken to my parents since I was sixteen?" Ten admitted with a sad and broken chuckle. "They caught me with another boy and they made me leave. Boy, did I want to go though. I always wanted to go to the United States, New York or San Francisco or something. But even in the United States so many people are unaccepting. Anyways, it didn't matter, I had no money in the first place. And you know what, I don't know if those American cities I always dreamed of moving to would be anything like I always dreamed of. America is so fucking racist that I wouldn't ever truly be accepted here, but here they aren't really any places for us gays to be free. We're literally stuck; there's nowhere we can be ourselves. Of course you don't want to be gay." 

Ten released a haggard sigh and the pair stared dejectedly at the floor beneath them. They fell silent for a few moments before Ten spoke. 

"I'm sorry, that wasn't exactly the best way to welcome you to the world of the gays. I want to be honest with you though. It's not all extravagance and rainbows," he said, punctuating his words with an uncomfortable chuckle. 

"Is being out even worth it then?" Doyoung asked, with fear injected in his words. 

"Yes," Ten responded firmly and immediately. Doyoung looked up at him, questions in his eyes. "You can't bottle up those feelings forever. Even if you didn't realize you were gay and just tried to live your life as a straight person, you would always just know something was wrong. Imagine never being with men, ever, and forcing yourself to date a girl. You'd be so unhappy! And, of course, everyone deep down wants to be free. It hurts way more to always be unhappy from your own doings rather than face homophobia, as bad as homophobia is. I'd much rather put up with a bunch of assholes who hate me rather than constantly hating myself for something I can't change." Doyoung nodded, starting to understand everything a whole lot more. 

"And," Ten added with a dreamy sigh. "Being with Taeyong is kind of like magic. I love him so, so much it's crazy. Literally all of the pain and suffering I've experienced is worth it because I get to have him in my life. Taeyong and I are so in love, if we wanted to we could take over the world with our love. I'll face any assholes or homophobes or cruel fans to be with Taeyong. We'll overcome any obstacle together."

Doyoung managed a soft smile, trying not to imagine how it would be if that was him and Jaehyun. It was horrible how easily his brain could come up with such images: Doyoung and Jaehyun taking on the world, kissing with 'I love you' on their lips, spending the rest of their lives together. The only way Doyoung could push those thoughts aside was to physically shake his head, and Ten noticed. 

"Are you think about Jaehyun?" He asked bluntly. Doyoung slowly and sort of shamefully nodded in response. Ten sighed sympathetically, rubbing Doyoung's shoulder. 

"I do want to be with him....so, so bad," Doyoung chokingly admitted. "But it's too complicated. You know, our friendship does really mean a lot to me. There's so many ways it could get messed up because of this, and there are so many ways and reasons why a potential relationship between us could completely fall apart. And I couldn't imagine ever hating him. Plus, I really don't think either of us are ready for a relationship, we're both so new to this whole thing and we're really conflicted." Doyoung suddenly couldn't hold back his sniffles. "It breaks my heart to say these things though; it really fucking does. I just...I just really love him."

Ten looked at Doyoung with a worried expression as Doyoung began to cry again, the very subject of Jaehyun bringing sad tears to his eyes. Ten sighed looking over Doyoung's figure. 

"I can tell you really do love him," Ten responded. He meant what he said; it was obvious that Doyoung was madly in love with Jaehyun, almost as much as Ten was in love with Taeyong. But Doyoung only cried harder, and Ten just felt worse. He knew exactly what Doyoung was going through; he'd been through the same thing when he was just a teenager, trying to figure out who the hell he was in a society where you could only really be one thing. But Doyoung at least had someone like Ten, someone who understood because he'd been there before. 

"It sounds like you sort of know what you're doing, I mean with you and Jaehyun's relationship. Even if the love between you two is obvious, it's okay if you don't feel ready to date. You've already completed the first and most important step," Ten spoke. 

"Wh-what is it?" Doyoung responded back in a choke. 

"Admitting your sexuality to yourself. Hell, you've completed the second step, coming out. You've finalized that like it or not, your sexuality is a part of you that can't change. And that's huge. A lot of gay people are too nervous to even reach that step." 

Doyoung managed a tiny smile, and Ten was grateful for at least that. But suddenly, the pair heard the noise of aggressive stomping, moving away from the door. 

Doyoung gave Ten a confused look. "What was that?" He mumbled. Ten responded with a shrug, and immediately after the door burst open. 

"Hey babe," Taeyong drawled with a greasy smirk and wink, and Doyoung immediately grimaced. Taeyong finally noticed Doyoung and blushed, looking at the melancholy expression on his face. 

"What's wrong Doyoung?" Taeyong asked with concern. Doyoung forced a smile and shook his head. 

"It's nothing hyung. Just coming out of the closet," he admitted. Taeyong slowly beamed and enveloped Doyoung in an affectionate hug. 

"I'm so proud of you Doyoung, I really am. That's a really big deal," Taeyong responded, and Doyoung hugged him back. 

"Thank you," Doyoung sincerely spoke. 

"Now, when are you and Jaehyun going to become an item? You two might give me and Ten a run for our money," Taeyong said, pulling away from the hug. Ten shot him a glare that made Taeyong realize that was a sensitive subject, and he shut his mouth right away. 

"N-never mind, sorry," he stuttered apologetically. 

"No one will ever give us a run for our money," Ten spoke, gesturing to Taeyong and himself. "No matter what, we'll always been NCT's sexiest, cutest, most loving couple. That's counting couples between the members, and with members and their partners outside the group." Doyoung laughed at Ten's sincerity and smiled. 

"I'm glad I can be a part of this whole thing with you guys," Doyoung admitted. 

Ten patted Doyoung's back. "The gay community is happy to accept you too." 


	15. revenge

Jaehyun didn't like that Doyoung made him angry. It wasn't Doyoung himself that made Jaehyun feel that way. No, Doyoung was perfect and beautiful in Jaehyun's eyes, it was just the things he did that pissed him off. Things that wouldn't matter if their relationship was normal, if they were just friends. 

After the usual mental breakdown in the bathroom over his own sexuality Jaehyun was walking back to his room, repeating over and over in his head that he was straight, because obviously he was, when he passed by Ten and Taeyong's room. He heard people talking and assumed it was just Ten and Taeyong, but after giving a closer listen he realized it was Doyoung inside instead of Taeyong. 

Through the door their voices were muffled but Jaehyun could tell their conversation was very serious. Why was Doyoung talking to Ten about serious things; why wouldn't he just talk to Jaehyun? Wasn't Jaehyun his best friend? Were they talking about him? Jealousy burned through Jaehyun's stomach and his expression hardened. 

Curiousity overcame Jaehyun's own sense of shame and he peeked his head through the keyhole to Ten's room, peering inside with furrowed brows. He still couldn't make out what they were saying but he could see Ten's hand on Doyoung's shoulder. His Doyoung's shoulder. 

Jaehyun felt even worse now and he couldn't bear to look at it any longer, storming back to his room with the most aggressive expression he could muster. It was obvious; they were fucking. They were. Doyoung was cheating on him, well, not cheating because they weren't together because Jaehyun was straight, but Doyoung just couldn't go around having full sex with other people. That was for Jaehyun and Jaehyun only. 

Masking his own hurt and ridiculousness with rage, Jaehyun thought about what he could do to seek revenge. Obviously he needed Doyoung to feel the same way he did, to feel hurt so that he wouldn't cheat on Jaehyun ever again. 

Jaehyun sat up from his bed with the sudden realization of his idea. He should fuck someone else. Full on anal fuck another member, and make sure Doyoung saw. 

Jaehyun leapt from his bed, still wearing his angry expression. He knew about Johnny, Taeil, and Yuta's threesome, so he wouldn't be taking anyone's virginity. Jaehyun approached their shared room, but heard the noises of Johnny and Taeil making out, so he quickly backed away. Yuta it was then. 

He found Yuta sitting on the couch, his laptop laying on his chest, watching some random anime. Jaehyun looked over his body. He could fuck him, he could do it. Yuta was cute. 

"Yuta," Jaehyun simply spoke. Yuta tiredly shut his laptop and looked over at him. 

"What's up?" Yuta casually responded. 

"Come to my room," Jaehyun practically ordered. Yuta gave him a confused expression but shrugged, leaving his laptop on the sofa and following Jaehyun into his room. 

Yuta walked in and Jaehyun shut the door behind him, leaving a crack open, wide enough for sounds to escape and for a pair of eyes to peek inside. 

"What's going on?" Yuta asked as he sat down on Jaehyun's bed. Jaehyun looked him over with hooded eyes before responding. 

"I want to fuck you." 

Yuta's eyes widened in surprise before sucking in a breath and nodding. "Oh! That's what you wanted. You're just sexually frustrated," he responded with a smirk. Jaehyun smirked back, sauntering over to the bed, channeling his anger into lust towards Yuta. 

"So. Do you want it?" Jaehyun asked, standing over Yuta. 

"But what if Doyoung comes in?" Yuta asked. 

"Why the fuck would he come in?" Jaehyun responded. 

"Uh...because you guys share this room?"

"I don't give a fuck if he sees," Jaehyun answered. 

"But aren't you guys...never mind. Is the door locked at least?" Yuta asked.

"Of course," Jaehyun responded. 

Yuta nodded softly. "Then why the hell not?" 

And with that, Jaehyun's lips were pressed against his. Yuta had kissed Jaehyun before but it was never like this, angry and controlling and a little too rough. It was kind of hot, but something nagged at the back of Yuta's mind, telling him to stop. But he pushed it aside, never one to deny himself a good fuck. 

Jaehyun's hands gripped as Yuta's skin, his fingertips pressing in hard enough to leave bruises on every inch of Yuta he touched. His lips and tongue were firm and aggressive, pressing inside, tasting almost like tears. Jaehyun somehow smelled of sadness too; maybe he missed Doyoung. The thought flitted through Yuta's mind, but if that wasn't the case then why wasn't Jaehyun fucking him instead? Anyways, Jaehyun's harsh and heavy breathing was hot enough for Yuta to forget all the other worries that crossed him. 

But as Jaehyun kissed Yuta more and harsher and started tearing off clothes, he just felt wrong. Yes, Yuta was a good kisser and he knew how to use his hands, but his lips just weren't as soft and his hands just weren't delicate like Doyoung's. Yes, Yuta was pretty, but his skin was nearly as soft and perfect beneath his fingertips like Doyoung's. Yuta didn't look up at Jaehyun, lips parted, limbs spread, like he was his everything, like Doyoung did. Yes, Yuta's mouth tasted good but it didn't taste like Doyoung's and the unfamiliarity of it almost brought tears to Jaehyun's eyes. Yes, Yuta smelled decent but he didn't smell like cherry blossoms like Doyoung. Yes, Yuta's moans and breaths were nice but it just wasn't the same as hearing Doyoung's stutter out broken pieces of Jaehyun's name. Nothing could compare to the way Doyoung spoke his name. 

Doyoung had to see him like this. Doyoung had to see how hurt Jaehyun was. 

Once their shirts were torn and pushed away Jaehyun began to unzip and unbutton Yuta's jeans, pushing them (along with his boxers) down in one swift go. 

"No foreplay?" Yuta asked with a couple as Jaehyun violently shuffled for the lube in his bedside cabinet. 

"No," Jaehyun simply responded, squeezing the lube onto his fingers and shoving the first digit into Yuta's hole. 

"A-ah," Yuta cried loudly, squirming beneath Jaehyun. Perfect, Jaehyun thought, the whole damn dorm could hear that. He pounded into Yuta roughly, the fairly unused hole barely giving to Jaehyun's forefinger. Once Jaehyun guessed Yuta was loose enough he slammed the second finger inside, and Yuta grimaced beneath him. 

"C-could you slow down a bit?" Yuta stammered, trying to force his body to relax. 

"Sorry," Jaehyun shamefully replied, slowing down the movement of his fingers. He had to remember that Yuta was a real person, not just a tool to be used to let Jaehyun's anger out and to make Doyoung feel bad. Yuta was his friend, and a part of his brain thought maybe, Yuta didn't deserve to be treated like this. But Jaehyun's mind was on one track, to make Doyoung jealous, and that was all Jaehyun could really think about. 

This time Jaehyun only sped up again once Yuta really was loose, opening him up slowly so that Jaehyun could comfortably slide inside. Yuta's whimpers of pain quickly became moans of pleasure, and Jaehyun smirked once again at the thought of Doyoung hearing. 

Yuta held his legs back for Jaehyun and Jaehyun added a third finger, scissoring the three inside of Yuta's tightness. When he was panting and arching his back in pleasure, Jaehyun figured it was just about time. 

The thought of fucking someone who wasn't Doyoung just seemed absolutely wrong but Jaehyun ignored the warning in his heart, coating his condom covered cock in lube and stroking to relieve just a bit of the pressure. Yuta spread his legs in anticipation and Jaehyun pushed them even further apart as he seated himself all the way into Yuta. 

He gave Yuta a little while to adjust, digging his fingers into Yuta's firm thighs as Yuta whimpered and mewled. When the noises ended, maybe a little too soon, Jaehyun began to drag himself and out of his hyung. Each movement back in eliciting a broken moan from Yuta, Jaehyun continued, starting to build up speed. 

It wasn't long before Jaehyun was really fucking Yuta, holding his legs up by his calves and taking him within an inch of his life. It was almost too much for Yuta but he took it, enjoying the rough treatment, his head arched back too far to notice that Jaehyun couldn't even look him in the eyes. 

Yuta was too engrossed in pleasure and Jaehyun was too engrossed in his thoughts to notice when the door to their room was haphazardly pushed open, only turning around when the doorknob slammed against the wall behind. Yuta looked up and Jaehyun turned around. 

It was Doyoung, staring over Jaehyun and Yuta with the most shocked and pained expression either of them had ever seen Doyoung wear. Yuta looked between the two of them, confused out of his mind. And Jaehyun's heart practically shattered to pieces in his chest, but his kept his expression firm and neutral. Doyoung's brows furrowed and his mouth dropped open, simply watching breathlessly as Jaehyun stayed nestled inside Yuta. 

Jaehyun and Yuta breathed heavily, no one saying a word or moving. 

"What?" Jaehyun asked Doyoung, somewhere between a smirk and a growl. Doyoung shook his head and ran out of their bedroom as fast as his legs would take him. 

As soon as the sound of Doyoung's heavy footsteps faded Yuta and Jaehyun turned back towards each other, Yuta shooting Jaehyun a thick glare. 

"What the hell man? I thought you said that you locked the door," Yuta spoke angrily. 

"Sorry," Jaehyun responded with no real sincerity behind his words. Yuta just rolled his eyes back. 

"Whatever. Anyways, dude, Doyoung looked pretty hurt. Is something going on? Are you sure you're just sexually frustrated?" Yuta asked. 

Jaehyun sighed. "I just needed to fuck, alright? Nothing else. Now spread your legs so I can finish; I'm pretty close," he responded, masking the horrific splitting of his own heart with carelessness and callousness. Yuta sighed and spread his legs like Jaehyun asked, and Jaehyun picked his brutal pace right back up. 

Soon enough both of them were moaning again and on the surface, Jaehyun felt satisfied. Now he was sure Doyoung knew exactly what they were doing, and if he could hear Yuta that would mean he would know everything. Still, beneath all of the cruelty Jaehyun was in so much pain, wondering how Doyoung felt at that moment. Deep inside, he knew that maybe he'd fucked up. But Doyoung did the same thing to him, right? So it was only fair. They had to hurt equally. 

Jaehyun knew he wanted Yuta to come first so he began to play with Yuta's nipples, using his free hand to stroke his already red and hard member. Yuta's moans went from long and deep to fast and high so Jaehyun knew he was close, picking up speed until his hand's movements matched the movements of his thrusts. 

Pushing aside every combating thought in his mind Jaehyun fucked Yuta hard, trying to reach his own orgasm before his conflicting thoughts drove his orgasm away entirely. Yuta coming between them was a good distraction, the creamy liquid of his climax coating both of their stomachs as a loud moan escaped from between those plush lips. Yuta laid there, panting, as Jaehyun fucked into him harder and harder. 

In Jaehyun's mind Yuta's heavy panting and blissed out face, tired from the force of orgasm, became Doyoung's. Every facial feature turned into Doyoung's exquisite beauty, Yuta's body turned into Doyoung's perfectly sensual one, Yuta's eyes turned into Doyoung's soft brown ones. This was the only way Jaehyun was even able to finally come, spilling everything into the condom, imagining Yuta was the man he was pretending not to love. 

But as Jaehyun looked into Yuta's eyes, realizing he couldn't stare into them and find Doyoung's soul, he was brought out of his fantasy. A frown crossed his face and his afterglow immediately ended, rolling off of Yuta instead of collapsing on top of him to cuddle, like he would've with Doyoung. 

"Hm, that was pretty good," Yuta commented. Jaehyun just nodded. "Well, I think I oughtta shower. You should probably go talk to Doyoung and find out what's wrong." Jaehyun, again, just nodded. Yuta climbed out of the bed and left Jaehyun's room without another word. Jaehyun laid out starfish style on his bed and stared up at the ceiling. He had too much to fucking think about. 

~~~~~~~~~~

At this point, Doyoung didn't even know how to feel. He was already feeling emotionally vulnerable as it was: just coming out to Ten and Taeyong and confessing his long brewing love for Jaehyun. Those two things were already extremely hard for Doyoung to do, and after that all he wanted to do was just relax in Jaehyun's arms and take a nap. 

But coming into his own room to find Jaehyun fucking the daylights out of Yuta on his bed was an entirely other story. He'd just admitted he loved Jaehyun. No, technically they weren't together, but it still felt a hell of a lot like cheating. Jaehyun and himself hadn't kissed anyone else in weeks, and he'd assumed that Jaehyun mostly felt the same way about their relationships as he did. Boy, was he wrong. 

The flurry of emotions rapidly going through Doyoung's mind began to narrow into two focuses: distraction, and revenge. He needed to take his mind off all of these crazy romantic feelings and give himself entirely over to lust. He also needed to make Jaehyun feel the same way he had; needed to make him hurt. Doyoung didn't know at all any more if Jaehyun cared about him, but Doyoung needed to try. 

Doyoung made a sharp right in the dorm and began to head towards Johnny and Taeil's bedroom. Maybe if at least one of them was in the room, Doyoung could tackle two birds with one stone. 

After pressing his ear to their door and only hearing the sound of the TV going, Doyoung knocked on the door. 

"Come in!" Johnny shouted back. Doyoung pushed open the door to find Johnny alone inside, watching netflix. "What's up?" 

"Where's Taeil?" Doyoung responded. 

"Uh, he just went for a long walk. He'll be out for a while. Why'd you ask?" Johnny spoke. Doyoung smirked. Perfect. 

"Hmm, I just wanted to see if I could catch you alone, hyung," Doyoung responded, his voice turning sweet, batting his eyelashes. Doyoung saw the slightest changes in Johnny's body language: his eyes hooded slightly, he shifted in his seat, he spread his legs a bit. It was working, and Doyoung was satisfied. This was what he wanted. 

"What for?" Johnny responded in a heavy tone, one eyebrow raised. Doyoung tugged on the doorknob slightly to leave the door just a crack ajar. 

"Well, I wanted to try something with you...I've done it with Jaehyun, but, well, you're my favorite hyung..." Doyoung trailed off, faking his innocence. Luckily Johnny bought the act and beckoned Doyoung closer. 

"Come and show me what you mean," he responded, and Doyoung fell into his arms. They kissed, rough and quick, and Doyoung had to take a moment to adjust to the unfamiliarity of kissing someone other than Jaehyun. He'd forgotten that Johnny didn't know him inside and out like Jaehyun did, that Johnny didn't know what made him tick or smile or moan loudly. But Doyoung would moan no matter what; all he really wanted was for Jaehyun to hear. 

Doyoung released a little noise into Johnny's mouth, working up to the big loud moans that would make Jaehyun's blood boil, the way he'd made Doyoung's blood boil. Johnny was good, yes, but Jaehyun was infinitely better, and Doyoung hated that he had to fake it to get what he wanted. Kissing Johnny felt so, so wrong, his insides twisting, but there was still pleasure in their too. Whether it was the pleasure of lust or the pleasure of getting revenge on Jaehyun, Doyoung wasn't sure. 

Doyoung began to unbutton Johnny's clothes as they kissed, wanting to be able to touch Johnny's bareness so that they could let the dorm know what they were doing. But as Johnny pulled away and buried his face in the crook of Doyoung's neck, Doyoung pushed him away. 

"You don't want hickies? I know you love them," Johnny said. 

Doyoung blushed because Johnny was right. "N-no, I got too much shit from the stylists," Doyoung responded. Again, Johnny bought his lie, and they went back to kissing. 

Doyoung couldn't possibly admit that he didn't want Johnny marking him because despite all of this bullshit he was still Jaehyun's, and nobody's marks but his belonged on Doyoung's lithe body. But Johnny didn't protest and kept on kissing Doyoung's lips, instead working on taking off Doyoung's t-shirt. 

Being topless made it easier to feel skin on skin and it was nice and hot, both boys working up a soft pant along with Doyoung's soft moans of pleasure. But Doyoung missed the feeling of Jaehyun's skin on his own; it was just special and different and he could tell it apart from another person's any day. Doyoung's mind dwelled on this for a little too long, and he just wanted it to be over. So, he reached between them to fiddle with Johnny's pants. 

And they did it, and they came, and Doyoung was loud and screamed out Johnny's name for not only their dorm but the whole damn block to hear, and Doyoung was sure Jaehyun had heard, and Doyoung had to admit it was at least a little fun. But it was true that it didn't make him feel happy on the inside or fulfilled. Instead, he just felt like an empty shell of a human being. The only person who could make him whole again was Jaehyun, but who knew where they were at know? Only time would tell...but Doyoung didn't want to wait. 


	16. wake up

The emotions flowing through Jaehyun's veins practically burned him. It was a typical night, Doyoung in Jaehyun's bed, Jaehyun sliding deep into Doyoung after opening him up. 

This was their fourth session of make up sex in the past two weeks. Everyone except for them recognized that it was too much. 

"Fuck Jaehyun," Doyoung groaned as Jaehyun finally finished letting Doyoung adjust and began to fuck him open. The pace was slow but not slow enough, brutal along with every fucking thing else. 

Doyoung gripped Jaehyun as if at any moment he might dissapear, one hand wrapped around his shoulder and the other gripping his back, tight enough to leave bruises, but Jaehyun didn't care, he didn't even feel it. Doyoung was too tight and god had he missed his ass, his soft skin, his little moans and whines, his pink puffy lips, parted and slick with Jaehyun's precum. 

Jaehyun pushed Doyoung's legs apart, gripping his thighs just as hard if not harder than Doyoung, staring down at him, drinking in the sight. At this point he never knew if each time with Doyoung would be his last, so he made sure to catalogue each of Doyoung's expressions for rainy days. 

He needed Doyoung's perfection for the times when he was fucking other members. No way in hell would he have sex with anyone but Doyoung if he could, but there were so many reasons why he couldn't. The jealousy he had to make Doyoung feel, his heterosexuality that he had to maintain, all kept up by fucking anyone else but Doyoung. 

Now that Jaehyun had learned every single one of Doyoung's little ticks and signs that he was close, he knew Doyoung was on the edge. It was soon, but it was hard not to come when Jaehyun was fucking him hard and fast and holding him tight and close and leaving a bright purple mark with every pseudo-kiss he gave. Neither of them wanted it to end, but it had to. It always did. 

Jaehyun snaked his hand between them to stroke Doyoung, panting heavily into the crook of Doyoung's neck. 

"Jaehyun!" Doyoung cried out, his back arching beautifully, Jaehyun's eyes raking over his body. 

"Mine," he growled into Doyoung's skin, the thought of anyone else seeing Doyoung like this leaving him angry and possessive. "Mine," he repeated, and Doyoung garbled words unintelligibly, so close to the edge. 

"A-ah...ah," Doyoung moaned, fuck, it was so damn pretty, and it should be his. 

"You're mine," Jaehyun spoke, and Doyoung came. He spilled hard all over his and Jaehyun's stomachs, panting hard and trembling beneath Jaehyun's lithe body. He didn't stop trembling either as Jaehyun sought his own orgasm, pounding harder and harder, no mercy on Doyoung's body but unable to stop looking at his face, wondering what the hell was going on in that pretty little head of his. 

One final groan and he was fucking gone, thrusting in over, and over, and over, as he came deep into the man he couldn't stop loving. 

He collapsed on top of Doyoung, panting loudly into Doyoung's shoulder, Doyoung still clinging to him. They remained silent for far too many moments, their emotions running too high to possibly work through. Anger, jealousy, possessiveness, hope, infatuation, lust, love. All of it, running through their minds and between their bare bodies. 

But it wasn't long before both of them put up their own emotional walls. No longer could they let themselves be vulnerable in front of each other; it would just lead to more hurt. They would just end up fucking each other over, and hell, they couldn't ever be together for real. So this was all they had. 

"Shower?" Jaehyun asked sadly, loathe to let go of Doyoung but everything just hurt too much. 

"Yeah," Doyoung sighed back softly. "You can go first."

Jaehyun nodded and stood up, about to plant a kiss on Doyoung's cheek before forcing himself away. He shook his head and put on a pair of boxer shorts, walking out the door and to the shower without another word. 

As he turned on the shower and stepped inside, he contemplating just how strange all of this was. Before all of this, he didn't think he knew anyone better than Doyoung. When it was casual, they could push aside all of the more complicated feelings, and just be friends with benefits. Yes, they were pushing those feelings away, but Jaehyun knew they were there. But now things had changed. When they'd had sex they'd made themselves too vulnerable, and they weren't comfortable or ready for it. So they pulled away, and things had only gotten worse when they started really sleeping with other people. Jaehyun felt like he could barely see into Doyoung's soul the way he did before. He missed him. As his friend, of course. He wanted more, but that didn't matter. 

When he emerged from the shower he walked into the kitchen for some food. He hadn't felt hungry in days but he had to eat, the others had begun to notice he was losing weight. He couldn't make his friends worry. 

He was reaching for some fruit in the fridge when he noticed Johnny and Doyoung already in the room. Both of them were leaning up against the counter, and neither had noticed his presence yet. 

Immediately his eyes were drawn to Doyoung. His body language was so flirtatious; Jaehyun knew exactly what he was doing: leaning over the counter, back arched, lower lip caught between his teeth, eyes wide. 

Was Doyoung really trying to get with Johnny so soon after they'd fucked? Jaehyun was sure of it; he knew all of Doyoung's tricks, he knew that boy inside and out. At this point though, Jaehyun didn't have the energy to be angry. He was just heartbroken. 

"Hyung," Doyoung whined to Johnny. As much as it hurt, Jaehyun couldn't stop himself from listening in. 

"What's up?" Johnny responded in a tired tone. Doyoung bat his lashes at Johnny, resting his hand on Johnny's arm. 

"Are you bored?" Doyoung spoke softly, and Johnny just looked Doyoung up and down. 

"Dude, I'm not having sex with you," Johnny responded bluntly. Doyoung sighed and pouted. 

"Come on! Don't you want it?" Doyoung whined, Jaehyun staying perfectly still so they didn't notice he was there. 

"Yeah, but I'm not getting involved in any of you and Jaehyun's crazy shit anymore," Johnny responded. 

"What do you mean?" Doyoung asked loudly. Johnny just rolled his eyes and walked out of the kitchen. Doyoung huffed and thought for a moment. 

"Fine, I'll just go ask Yuta," he mumbled under his breath, following Johnny out. Jaehyun breathed in, breathed out, shaking. If Doyoung was going to Yuta, then he would go to Taeil. 

He walked like a zombie to Taeil's room, knocking on the door. 

"Come in," Taeil responded, and Jaehyun pushed open the door. Taeil sighed loudly and Jaehyun bit his lip, putting on his sexual persona that he used with everyone but Doyoung. 

"Are you down?" Jaehyun drawled, and Taeil only rolled his eyes back. 

"No way," Taeil firmly responded. 

"Come on, you're literally hard right now," Jaehyun spoke, gesturing to Taeil's crotch. 

"That's why I was going to go ask Johnny." 

Jaehyun sighed. "Why won't you let me fuck you?" 

"Because I'm sick of this!" Taeil responded, pitch close to a yell, and Jaehyun was taken aback. He'd never heard Taeil raise his voice before. "We're all sick of it," Taeil added, more quietly this time. Jaehyun could only sigh and prepare himself for what he was about to hear. 

"I know you and Doyoung are going through some shit right now. We know that you two are really, really struggling. But me and Johnny and Yuta are fucking people! You can't just use us as pawns in this weird game you and Doyoung are playing with each other. We have feelings too, and it hurts us to think you only want to fuck to make the other jealous, not because you genuinely want to sleep with us. And anyways, this whole this is dumb by the way. You two are only hurting each other more. I don't understand why you two just don't confess your feelings and admit you're gay and be happy together." 

"I'm not gay!" Jaehyun yelled and Taeil inched back on the bed with a concerned look on his face. 

"I-I mean you can think that, but I promise it'll only make you unhappy-" 

"You have no idea what's going on with me and Doyoung right now. It's not your fucking business; stay out of it." 

"Well, you make it my business when you proposition me for sex to make him jealous. And it's all of our business when you and Doyoung are so angry you won't speak to each other. It's all of our business when you two cast this horrible negative energy around the dorm, and when we have to make up excuses for why you guys are fighting to Mark and the little ones. This affects everyone; it's unfair." 

Jaehyun just sighed and shook his head. "Fuck you," he growled, and slammed Taeil's door shut. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Doyoung softly sighed as he laid, spread out, on the couch. The past few days had been mentally draining, to say the least, and Doyoung feel bad at all about taking some time to himself. 

His own bedroom had become a minefield, hence his relaxation on the couch rather than his bed, and he didn't have to share the space with anyone since the others avoided him like the plague. He understood that the air around him was tense, but it left him feeling cripplingly lonely. 

A couple days prior he and Jaehyun had made up, putting aside their frustrations for passionate, angry sex. But it had only left him feeling worse rather than better; and the whole in his own heart wasn't filled. As hard as he clung to Jaehyun and as lovingly as he kissed Jaehyun wasn't his to keep; he could never be. He thought sleeping with Johnny would be a good distraction and maybe, just maybe force Jaehyun to realize that he should stop straying away. But Johnny refused and Jaehyun only moved further from Doyoung. 

It didn't matter though, nobody else was sleeping with neither Doyoung nor Jaehyun, let alone speaking to them. Despite living in a dorm surrounded by his friends, Doyoung had never felt more alone. 

"Hey Doyoung?" A soft voice spoke, and Doyoung needed a second to register that someone was even speaking to him. He turned his head around to see Ten standing over him with a look of concern on his face. 

"Sorry, I'll make some room," Doyoung responded, shifting and sitting up on the couch to give Ten a space to sit. 

"No, that wasn't what I was asking about," Ten spoke. "Could you come with me for a second?"

Doyoung furrowed his eyebrows and looked up at Ten. "Sure," he responded, standing up and following Ten, feeling completely unsure. They silently walked to Ten and Taeyong's room, stepping inside. Doyoung noticed Ten made a point of shutting the door fully closed. 

Inside the room Taeyong was also sitting on their bed, sharing a look with Ten before Ten sat down next to him. 

"Sit down," Ten requested, and Doyoung sat on the desk chair next to the bed. 

"Wh-what's going on?" Doyoung stuttered nervously. Ten and Taeyong shared yet another look before sighing. 

"So...you and Jaehyun...how's that going?" Ten hesitantly asked. 

Doyoung sighed, his breaths shaky, his eyes cast away from his two band mates. "It's....it's not great," Doyoung admitted. 

"Well, that's obvious," Taeyong mumbled, and Ten shot him a pointed look. 

"What I meant is, what exactly is happening?" Ten asked. 

"Well....after that night where I came out to you guys, like two or three weeks ago, I caught him having sex with Yuta. So I wanted to get revenge so I slept with Johnny. We've been continuing like that ever since. Occasionally we'll make up and have sex with each other, but then we'll get uncomfortable and try to sleep with other people." 

His words were met with a few moments of silence. 

"That might just be the unhealthiest relationship I've ever heard of," Taeyong spoke. 

"We're not in a relationship," Doyoung countered firmly. 

Ten sighed. "I see. You guys aren't in a relationship but it felt like he cheated on you, so you're upset but you feel like you don't really have the grounds to be. Plus you two are still figuring out where you're at anyways and this is making you just more uncomfortable and confused." 

"I mean...." Doyoung trailed off before releasing a sad chuckle. "That's exactly it." 

Ten paused to figure out how to phrase his words. "Taeyong's right, Doyoung. That is extremely unhealthy and it's only going to make things worse. You two really do love each other, even though I know it seems like he doesn't right now. But this is really fucked up; and something's gotta give or else everything we've built will fall apart. You know, Johnny and Yuta and Taeil are pissed at you guys right now. They feel really used." 

Doyoung winced at Ten's words because he was so, so right. He grimaced, the gross feeling of guilt filling his stomach. The two of them really had used their other members. 

"Plus, the energy here in the dorm is really horrible since you guys are just so unhappy. At the end of the day, we want you two to be happy, and that won't happen unless you do something different. Honestly, you have two options: stop sleeping with each other and end this weird sort-of relationship between you two, or get together and become exclusive. Those are the best options for you two," Taeyong spoke. 

"And you both should apologize to the others," Ten added, resting his head in Taeyong's shoulder. Taeyong reached for his hand and squeezed it. 

"I'll definitely apologize to Taeil and Johnny and Yuta," Doyoung said, nodding softly. "That's really important to me and I feel really awful for using them. But about Jaehyun....I don't know. God, I can't imagine not having him in my life, and I miss him so fucking much. I really do love him. But...I don't think he's ready for a relationship with me. I've gotten more used to the idea, I've come out to you guys and stuff. But I think if I asked him to date me he'd say no." 

"Please, just try. For the sake of the group. And at least stop sleeping with other people, even if Jaehyun pisses you off," Taeyong begged. 

Doyoung nodded. "That I can do at the least. And...I promise I'll try my best with Jaehyun. I'll make up my mind soon." 

"We're not mad at you. We of all people know how hard this is. We really just want everyone to be happy," Ten said. 

Doyoung managed a small smile. "I know... you two are too good to me. I'm so grateful to have you guys in my life," he said, standing up to hug Ten and Taeyong. They gently hugged him back, smiling softly. 

"Whatever happens, I'm sure it'll be for the best," Taeyong spoke. 

"I know," Doyoung responded and pulled away. "Now, I've got a lot of thinking to do. I think I want to be alone for a little while."

"That's understandable. Come back at practice time," Taeyong spoke. And with a small wave goodbye, Doyoung headed out of their door. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Later that evening, Jaehyun found himself sitting where Doyoung had been just a few hours before (although he didn't know it). Ten and Taeyong were looking back at him with concerned expressions, and he was very confused. 

"What's this all about?" He asked. 

"How are you and Doyoung doing?" Ten simply asked. Jaehyun simply sighed and shook his head. 

"I-I don't know," Jaehyun stuttered back, his angry facade fading. 

"You know, Johnny and Yuta and Taeil are pretty pissed off. They feel used by you and Doyoung," Ten spoke. 

Jaehyun grimaced. "Yeah. We have been kinda using them, come to think about it." He looked up at Ten and Taeyong. "Alright, I promise I'll go apologize, and I promise I won't try and hit on them for that reason again. Thanks for letting me know," Jaehyun responded, standing up and starting to leave Ten and Taeyong's room. 

"Wait!" Ten called, and Jaehyun turned around. "That wasn't the only reason why we asked you to come in here." Jaehyun sighed and sat back down in the chair, slumping over the backboard. 

"We aren't just concerned about Johnny and Taeil and Yuta, we're concerned about you and Doyoung. You guys have been very unhappy lately, and as hard as it is we have to give you brutal honesty so you can fix this. You're in love with him, right?" Taeyong bluntly asked. 

Jaehyun eyes sharply moved away from Taeyong and Ten, staring down at the floor. He wanted to say no, but he couldn't force the word to escape his lips; it was too much of a lie for his mouth to even speak. Taeyong and Ten understood what his silence meant and continued. 

"Look, if you want to feel happy again and salvage whatever you have left with Doyoung, you have two options: stop sleeping with him and go back to being just friends--" 

"We are just friends," Jaehyun interrupted with emphasis. 

"That's bullshit and you know it," Taeyong responded. 

"Guys! You can go back to being just friends, or admit to each other how you feel and try and begin a relationship," Ten said. He was met with angry silence from Jaehyun. 

"We're not saying these things to hurt you. We're trying to help you! We're trying to make sure you're happy and feel fulfilled in your life," Taeyong spoke. 

"I-I'm not gay," Jaehyun stuttered. Ten and Taeyong shared a look. 

"Well, maybe you're not, there's nothing wrong with it if you are though--"

"It's wrong for me," Jaehyun responded, then sighed. "Look, Doyoung is my best friend in the whole world. I can't be with him though. It's impossible; it's wrong." 

Ten and Taeyong looked at each other, trying to figure out how to respond. 

"Look, I think I've heard enough. I need a cigarette," Jaehyun spoke, interrupting Ten and Taeyong's thoughts. He walked out of their room, but this time they made no effort to stop him, and he slammed the door. 

Taeyong's face fell into his palms and Ten released a shaky sigh. 

"What the hell is this group going to come to?" Ten asked. Taeyong didn't know either. 


	17. curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

Jaehyun missed the times when he felt like himself. 

Although it was just weeks ago when he was happy, he could barely remember that feeling now. Who had he become? He spent his entire life being known as the sweet, caring, boy next door type of kid. Other than his romantic feelings, he'd never really felt out of place. 

But now, he'd become someone entirely different. A person who used others for sex, broke people's hearts, and took walks so he could chain smoke in peace. That's what he was doing now, walking down the dark and cloudy streets of Seoul with nothing but his keys, his card, and a pack of cigarettes. He didn't want his phone near him; he needed to be cut off, at least for a little while. It was the only way he could think. 

When had he become this person so unlike himself? He didn't want to admit the moment to himself, but he knew it. It was right after he'd made love to Doyoung and they'd mutually casted each other out because of their fear. Maybe Jaehyun felt wrong because it was so unlike himself to be so terrified. 

But maybe, Jaehyun had never known who he truly was. 

Everything that had gone on between he and Doyoung had seemed to come entirely out of the blue. He'd never had feelings for a girl before, and there had always been boys in his life he'd admired a little too much, but this...this was crazy. This was intense; Jaehyun felt it in every blood cell in his body. Just thinking of Doyoung's name or face or voice brought up anxiety, obsession, anger, possessiveness, care, affection; the need to give him the world, to fight anyone who hurt him, to simply hold him close. 

Before all of this Jaehyun was a generally happy person. He'd never felt so much all at once in his life. 

He didn't fucking understand. How was he supposed to understand what was going on? How was he supposed to fix all of the confusion he felt in the darkest depths of his mind? 

And then there was Doyoung to think about. Sweet, beautiful, brilliant Doyoung, his best friend, the man who understood him better than anyone else, the man he felt so much for. How was he supposed to fix what they'd broken? 

As he lit another cigarette, he realized the only thing he hadn't really tried was honesty. He never allowed himself to admit the truth about how he felt. So now, for the first time, he was going to do it.

Once he'd given himself the ability to be honest, a wave of relief washed over him. Finally, he could admit what was on his mind since the very beginning. 

The first and most obvious factor that popped into Jaehyun's head was that he'd had feelings for Doyoung for a long time, possibly even since they first met. As much as Jaehyun wanted to deny it he couldn't; he wasn't going to lie to himself anymore. What he'd always forced himself to believe was just envy and admiration of Doyoung since they met was actually attraction, on both a mental and a physical level. That attraction had just grown and morphed into something much more intense to lead Jaehyun to the place he was at with Doyoung today, still with huge, undeniable feelings for him. 

Although waves of butterflies flew through Jaehyun's stomach a weight was lifted off of his shoulders at the realization, sighing and exhaling his cigarette smoke into the misty dusk air. 

But were these feelings for Doyoung just a one-off thing? Jaehyun ran through his memories from childhood up until that very moment in the middle of the damp street. From his childhood playmates, to his preteen mentors, to his teen crushes, Jaehyun could not think of a single girl or woman he'd ever truly been attracted to. But he could think of at least a few guys, not even including Doyoung. Even his own actions on the streets made it obvious; he never noticed stereotypically attractive women passing by, but he turned his head at ever hot guy he saw. 

Fuck. Jaehyun was gay. He laughed out loud at the thought, not even comprehending that he was really, actually, admitting this to himself after so many years. Another weight, off his shoulders as well. He stopped in the middle of the street, and couldn't stop smiling. 

Jaehyun cast out the thought that he'd never known who he truly was. No, he always knew he was, he'd just ignored that side of himself. But being the sweet boy next door and being gay did not have to clash. He could be both at once, no matter how many times older people had told him he couldn't. 

It finally hit him what had been wrong this whole time. At the end of the day, he'd been brought down by one thing and one thing only: forcing himself to pretend he wasn't madly in love with Kim Doyoung.

And what was the solution to all of this mess he'd created, fixing his relationship with Doyoung and being happy and finally stopping that horrible cycle of sex and revenge? Admitting he was in love with Kim Doyoung, not only to himself but to Doyoung as well. If Doyoung was his for real, he'd never sleep with anyone else ever again. 

"I've got to tell him," Jaehyun mumbled to himself out loud, dropping his cigarette onto the ground and walking quickly down the street. His eyes darted to and fro, looking for something to tell him exactly how to do this. His quick pace and distracted thoughts led him to bumping into a sign for a flower shop, and he stepped in right away. 

"We close in five min-" 

"A dozen roses, please," Jaehyun interrupted, his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He was gay, he loved Doyoung, he was going to tell Doyoung how he felt and be happy, and literally nothing else in the world mattered. The frustrated florist rolled her eyes but gathered the roses anyways, wrapping them up in a bouquet. 

Jaehyun payed for the roses and left the shop just as quickly as he entered, practically running towards their dorm at that point. 

"I'm gay, and I'm fine with it, and I'm gonna be with Doyoung, and I love him," Jaehyun mumbled to himself, smiling at the very words as the lights of Seoul fell dark over Jaehyun. "I love him so much, fuck, and maybe now he'll be mine." 

Jaehyun noticed the stares of night walkers around him, probably wondering why some random guy was running down the street muttering to himself and carrying a dozen roses. But Jaehyun couldn't care less, in fact, he literally didn't care about anything accept finally telling Doyoung how he felt. 

After an excrutiatingly long period of time he reached the dorm, pressing the elevator buttons like an over eager kid, finally reaching his own floor. He ran down the hallway to their dorm, fumbling once again with the keys before finally bursting open the door. 

Although the lights were on in the front, nobody seemed to be hanging out there, which Jaehyun was grateful for. He could not handle any interruptions to his plan of confession, not even a short conversation with one of the other members. He stomped down the hall and pushed the door to his and Doyoung's room wide open. 

Inside Doyoung was already asleep, and Jaehyun could see he was curled up in his bed despite the lights being off. A wave of affection washed over Jaehyun; Doyoung looked so fucking adorable. And even better, Jaehyun could say those kinds of things to himself without feeling nearly as guilty as he did before. 

"What?" Doyoung whined sleepily, and Jaehyun suddenly remembered that before all of this realization he and Doyoung were in a fighting period of their horrible revenge sex cycle. But no more would that happen; this was all going to end, and he and Doyoung would be together. 

"C-can I talk to you? I-I have something really important to t-talk to you about," Jaehyun stuttered nervously, his heart pounding in his chest as he turned on the room's light and shut the door. 

"Sure," Doyoung tiredly mumbled, rubbing his eyes and sitting up. He kept his language curt and shot Jaehyun a glare every so often but Jaehyun quickly noticed Doyoung was wearing one of Jaehyun's shirts, and god was that the prettiest sight he'd ever seen. 

"I-I've been thinking a lot lately," Jaehyun spoke, walking over to the edge of Doyoung's bed and hurriedly sitting down. He finally handed Jaehyun the flowers and stared at him wide eyed. Doyoung returned the expression, his mouth agape and his breathing hurried. Jaehyun could practically hear their heartbeats pounding in their chests. 

"I know I've been an asshole lately, fuck, we both have but I feel like I'm worse, and I feel really bad about it. But Doyoung I was just scared, I still am scared but then I was really fucking scared because I was lying to myself. I didn't even feel like myself anymore and I didn't know how to explain how I felt about you, well I did know how to explain it but I didn't want to admit it. But Doyoung, you've become my everything and not an hour goes by that I don't think of you, and I honestly don't ever want to have sex with anyone else let alone be with anyone else, and it hurts me so bad to think of you with someone else. And Doyoung, everything, all of it....it's because I love you. I love you, Doyoung," Jaehyun said firmly, looking up into Doyoung's eyes. "And I know this is really fucking scary, you're probably scared and so am I. And neither of us still fully understand each other or ourselves, or how the hell you and I could work, but I really, really want to try. You're worth everything and anything. It'll be hard but you and I can figure it out together." Jaehyun reached over to rest his hand on top of Doyoung's. "I want to spend every minute of my time figuring things out with you." 

Doyoung couldn't do anything but stare at Jaehyun in utter shock. This was so unexpected; just hours before they'd been avoiding each other and not even on speaking terms. God, had he wanted this so bad; he'd been fantasizing about being with Jaehyun exclusively for weeks now. Finally, Doyoung's confusion fell into joy and he forced himself to hold back tears. 

Finally. After so many months of hopeless pining and wishing and wondering if he could ever truly be with Jaehyun it was happening. 

"I-I just didn't think you were ready," Doyoung said, his voice weak, arms coming up to wipe his eyes. 

Jaehyun sighed softly. "I wasn't ready until now. I had to do a lot of thinking and overcome a lot of my own hesitation." He stopped for a second. "D-....Do you even want me?" 

"Oh god yes," Doyoung responded, reaching over the flowers to pull Jaehyun into a tight hug. "You don't know how much I've wanted this. I never thought it would happen, Jaehyun, I thought I'd have to be alone forever because there's nobody I want but you." He buried his face in Jaehhyun's shoulder and Jaehyun pushed the flowers aside to hold Doyoung tightly in his arms. 

"I didn't think it would happen either. I never would have thought I'd be able to admit I love you, even to myself," Jaehyun responded with a sad chuckle. 

"I didn't think you'd admit it either. I told Ten and Taeyong how I felt about you too, I couldn't even hold it in any more," Doyoung admitted. 

Jaehyun sighed. "A-are you gay?" He asked hesitantly. 

Doyoung looked down and nodded before looking back up. "You?" 

"Yeah," Jaehyun responded. They both shared a simoultaneous sigh. 

"This isn't going to be easy. Neither of our families know, and I know I don't want them to know." Jaehyun nodded in agreement. "And we only just barely admitted it to ourselves. Both of us are definitely not really comfortable with the idea of it yet. But like you said, I want to figure it all out with you by my side. All of the pain and confusion is and will be worth it," Doyoung spoke. 

At that moment Jaehyun couldn't stop himself any longer and he pressed his lips to Doyoung's, cupping the side of his cheek. Though taken aback Doyoung quickly adjusted, his hand resting on Jaehyun's knee to passionately kiss him back. 

Doyoung pulled away suddenly and Jaehyun panted against his face, confusion in his eyes. "I love you too," Doyoung mumbled, and leaned back in. Jaehyun didn't resist and placed his hands on Doyoung's waist, kissing him in all the ways he couldn't before. With their love finally out in the open it was like every wall they'd kept up was busted down. They were finally able to let each other inside of their hearts, and for that, they couldn't be happier. 

They pulled away from the kiss and simply hugged again; all the words they wanted to speak had been already said or communicated. Right now, they just needed to hold each other, and for the first time be sure that the other wouldn't let go. 

"What was that noise-" Johnny started as he walked into Doyoung and Jaehyun's room, his expression immediately morphing into a bright smile when he saw the pair entangled in each other's arms. "Aw!" He cooed, Doyoung and Jaehyun turning away from each other with a blush. But neither of them could stop smiling, and they gave the whole thing away. 

"Guys!" Johnny called, and Yuta, Taeil, Taeyong, and Ten immediately rushed to his side. 

"Oh my gosh did you guys finally confess your deep undying love for each other?" Yuta asked in a high pitched, excited voice. Jaehyun and Doyoung nodded shyly, and Ten practically squealed like a little girl. 

"I'm so happy for you guys!" Taeyong spoke excitedly. 

"Finally," Taeil mumbled under his breath. 

"I'm so glad you two can finally be happy now," Johnny said. 

Jaehyun reached for Doyoung's hand and squeezed it affectionately, locking eyes before looking back at the others. "We are glad," Jaehyun responded with a soft smile, and Doyoung smiled too. 

"You guys are so cute! Our little gaybies," Ten cooed, rushing over to the bed to hug Jaehyun and Doyoung. The others came over soon after, the seven toppling over with the weight of their happy hug. 

"Now, I think we should leave these boys alone. Now that they're together they're probably going to want to get up to some stuff," Taeyong spoke with a smirk. 

"Ah, you're right. I'll go to sleep then. I'm so happy for you guys!" Johnny spoke, giving them a small wave before leaving them in their room. Taeil, Yuta, and Taeyong followed him out, but Ten lingered a little longer. 

"Don't worry you guys. I know you two are going to work out, and we'll always support you," Ten spoke. Doyoung smiled wide and rested his head on Jaehyun's shoulder. 

"Thank you; that means a lot," Jaehyun responded, and Doyoung nodded. Ten waved himself and smiled. 

"Have a good night boys. Don't have happy sex for too long; we have practice tomorrow," Ten teased. 

"We won't!" Doyoung yelled after Ten before he got up to shut the door to their room. Doyoung turned back to Jaehyun and they both giggled excitedly, Doyoung leaping onto the bed to get back into Jaehyun's arms. 

"Honestly, I don't even want to have sex right now," Jaehyun admitted, stroking Doyoung's hair. 

"Me either," Doyoung responded. "I kinda want to just cuddle." 

"We never let ourselves cuddle that much with each other before, because we were afraid we'd catch feelings."

Doyoung laughed happily. "We did anyways, didn't we?" 

"We did, and I'm so grateful," Jaehyun responded. 

"Why don't we put on pajamas and get cozy in bed?" Doyoung suggested. Jaehyun agreed, and five mintues later they were ready to sleep. The pair crawled into Doyoung's bed, resting the flowers on the bedside table and getting under the covers. 

Jaehyun laid down flat and Doyoung rested on top of him, his head on Jaehyun's chest, his ear next to his heart beat. Jaehyun reached down and their fingers intertwined, in the state of utter bliss. 

Doyoung realized they'd been in this exact same situation before; right after they'd first made love. But there were no feelings of disappointment and fear any longer; now that they'd finally admitted it to themselves they could touch without shame. What had once lived within the darkest depths of their minds was finally brought into the light. It was never meant to be there at all; sexuality should not have been something Doyoung and Jaehyun felt they had to hide. 

Jaehyun kissed Doyoung's forehead and sighed into his hair, and Doyoung could feel he felt the same way. It was incredible how far they'd come; from boys who had no idea what they were doing to a pair, in love, and able to share it with the world. What more could Doyoung ask for? Nothing, there was nothing else he needed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well that (mostly) wraps it up! We've got one more chapter coming but in terms of the main storyline, that's the end. What did you guys think? Did you guys like it or not? Did anything stand out to you? I'd LOVE to hear how you all felt in the comments below! Thank you all so so much for your kudos and comments! Every single one means the world to me. 
> 
> Once I wrap up this story entirely I'll be writing another nct fic (featuring a high school soulmate au and a lot more ships) so stay tuned for that! Thank you all again~ Love, RainbowDonkeys


	18. real love

Ten would say his fascination with Lee Taeyong began the moment he first laid eyes on him. 

Walking into dance practice on his first day at SM entertainment, everyone else in the room seemed to fade away. The boy, probably about the same age as himself with lanky thin limbs and big cold eyes, projected a dark and confident energy throughout. He was definitely the most handsome guy in the room, and probably the best dancer, so everyone else seemed to avert their eyes out of nervousness. But Ten wasn't fazed easily. He'd seen too much at that point, and hot guys never made him nervous, so he stared straight into those huge, cold eyes. And the boy looked back, looking right at Ten before giving him a once over, almost predatorially. Ten raised his brows; this boy could actually handle him. Usually only men could handle Ten. 

The dance teacher introduced Ten and called everyone to practice, and Ten tried his best to refocus himself. But throughout the practice session all of his attention was on that boy, and it seemed as if the same was true. 

Now, it was over a year and half later, and the sexual tension between Ten and that boy still hadn't gone away. 

Immediately after that fateful practice the boy had introduced himself as Lee Taeyong, unable to draw themselves away from each other. Despite the huge language barrier, the two of them had become close friends over a short period of time. There were lines they never crossed though: no physical contact, no staying out at night with each other, and when that tension got too high they had to part. 

Ten had to wonder, what the hell was it about Taeyong? Ten wasn't even sure if he was gay; they'd never had conversations about girls with the other SM rookies. He never brought girls back to the dorm, but during night times he often disappeared. Ten was guilty of it too; despite his crush on Taeyong he was still quite the sex fiend, hooking up in nightclubs every other weekend. But Ten didn't want to assume things. If he did something to make Taeyong uncomfortable, he could get kicked out of the company, and then where the hell would he go? His parents sure didn't want him. 

Even if he was gay, it was too damn dangerous to try anything. Taeyong might be beautiful and kind and mysterious but being with him wasn't worth the other member's gossiping or being forced out of the company. 

Lately, though, things were getting bad. He found that they were speaking to each other less and less, and watching each other more and more. Every interaction between them was charged with fire, and he was afraid he might do something that could get himself in serious trouble. So they watched, and waited, for something to give. 

Even the others were starting to notice the tension between the two so Johnny, Hansol, Taeil, and Yuta insisted the six of them go drinking together. It was fun until Taeyong and Ten tried too hard to make their feelings go away, and drank until they could barely stand. The others were having fun though, so they dropped them off at home before heading out to the club. 

Ten was grateful because he was drunk as hell and definitely didn't want to go to a straight club, but he knew things could get dangerous when Johnny left Taeyong and himself alone at the dorm. 

"I'm afraid you two are going to get hurt if you shower alone, so you should shower together," Johnny spoke to Ten softly. 

"No..." Ten slurred, tripping over his feet and gripping Johnny's shirt. "That's.. no good."

"I insist," Johnny responded. "Go take a shower you two, then go to bed." 

Taeyong rolled his head and flashed Johnny a thumbs up before pulling Ten towards the shower. Ten was too drunk not to follow so he did, not even noticing Johnny slam the door to the dorm shut behind him. 

The pair stripped their clothes off and stepped inside, the warm water hitting both of their skin, one after the other. The water sobered Ten up considerably and he couldn't even believe what he was fucking doing. 

"Oh my god, I'm fucking showering with Taeyong. Oh my god, his body is fucking sexy as hell. Oh my god, I should not be looking..." Ten's thoughts trailed off, forcing his eyes up to Taeyong's face. 

This whole year and seven months since they'd met, Ten had been able to pretend Taeyong was not looking at him with lust, for their own protection. But they were drunk, and Ten knew for a fact that Taeyong had thick, firey lust in his eyes. 

"Fuck it," Ten thought, and he leaned up to press his lips hard against Taeyong's. Taeyong didn't waste a single moment kissing back, pushing Ten against the wall of the shower, Ten barely even able to feel the cold of it against his back. His body was filled with too much heat, relief of finally kissing Taeyong and tension of sex practically tearing him apart. 

Taeyong slid his tongue into Ten's mouth and he obliged, parting his lips for the boy he'd been craving. Their mouths and their hands were so rough and god did he want Taeyong to rip him to fucking pieces. 

Ten barely even noticed when the shower water was turned off, too involved in grabbing Taeyong's shoulders and waist, until Taeyong was lifting him up and carrying him to his bedroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Ten noticed the next morning was his hangover. The next thing he noticed was cum in his ass. The third thing he noticed was Lee Taeyong, the object of his sexual fantasies, wrapped completely around him. 

Memories of the previous evening came flooding back to him and he let out a loud groan, partially at the intense hangover headache and partially at the utter mistake he and Taeyong had made. The noise woke Taeyong up though, and he released a groan himself. 

"What are you doing here-- oh," Taeyong mumbled, his memory returning to him as well. 

Ten released a chuckle. "Yup. So...that happened." 

Taeyong looked Ten over and sighed, slumping onto his back. "Fuck. I mean-- I've wanted-- I've been trying not to-- Did you feel it too?" Taeyong asked. 

Ten sighed and gave Taeyong a look. "Of course." 

"Are you at least-- gay?" Taeyong asked. Ten nodded simply. "Me too," Taeyong responded. 

"We probably had to just get all of that sexual tension out of our systems, and now we can be just friends. But damn was it good," Ten spoke. 

"I know, right?" Taeyong responded. "Maybe we were just drunk, but I think it's the best I've ever had."

"Oh definitely, for me too." 

Ten and Taeyong sighed. Everything to say had been said, and the deed had finally been done. They wanted to linger a little longer, since they were the only ones they could express their true selves with, but they'd indulged themselves long enough. 

"This can never happen again--" 

"No, of course not," Ten answered disappointedly. There was no point in being disappointed though, in the situation there were in they couldn't do anything else. 

"But...it's nice to know there's someone else like me in the group. That I'm not entirely alone," Taeyong spoke softly, turning his head to smile at Ten. Ten turned and smiled. 

"It does bring a bit of comfort, doesn't it," Ten murmured in response, mostly to himself. Taeyong sighed and pushed a bit of hair off Ten's face, the action almost a little too affectionate. 

"You should go back to your own bed. Before anyone suspects," Taeyong spoke sadly. Ten nodded, tugging on a pair of Taeyong's boxers before waddling out of the room. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Ten thought everything was fine. Physically, he and Taeyong kept their distance. But emotionally, their bond began to grow stronger and stronger. What had been quick conversations when they both happened to be in the kitchen became late night talks on the couch, sharing the innermost details of their crazy lives. 

The two really had a lot in common. Neither of them very good at school, neither of them accepted by their parents. Both of them with a passion for dance, with nowhere else to go, with a need to find the family they'd never really had. It made Ten upset that they couldn't do anything more than this, but Taeyong's friendship was enough. Anyways, he could force those feelings aside. 

Taeyong's looks became different over the weeks after they hooked up. The intense lust in his eyes when gazing at Ten became soft affection, but no longer could Ten return those gazes with his earlier confidence. He didn't know quite how to return them, and that made him afraid. 

Ten thought everything was fine up until he woke up hungover, with cum in his ass, in Taeyong's bed. Again. 

"What the hell?" Ten whined, sitting up in anger then throwing his head back. Taeyong woke up too, surveying the scene of strewn clothes with disappointment. 

"Shit," he mumbled, hiding his face in his hands. Ten began to remember what had happened the previous night, one of their late night convos turned into late night drinking, which turned into late night kisses and hands and carrying Ten back to Taeyong's bed, and... you know. 

"I-I told myself I wouldn't," Ten stuttered. 

"We both promised we wouldn't. But both of us got our asses into this situation, so honestly, we're both screwed," Taeyong responded. 

Ten sighed. "Let's just not drink around each other. It's probably for the best." 

"Probably," Taeyong responded with a frown, and a short pause. 

"It was really good though, right? Even better than last time," Ten spoke emphatically. 

"I know! It's pretty crazy," Taeyong spoke, shaking his head. "It's probably just because we're drunk." 

"Probably," Ten said. He sighed and wordlessly stood up, slipping on a pair of Taeyong's boxers as Taeyong's eyes followed him. Ten left the room without another word. 

After that, Ten and Taeyong avoided each other for a few days, trying to make sure it didn't happen again, before that gave way. They couldn't possibly resist each other for any period of time, as they would soon find out. Their late night conversations on the couch became dinners out that Taeyong insisted on paying for, walks along the river and ice cream in the early hours of the morning. Taeyong stopped going out alone at night, and Ten did too, instead choosing to go together. Ten liked to pretend it wasn't dangerous. 

Taeyong's looks went from soft affection to something deeper and more intense, something he couldn't possibly explain. Ten didn't know what it was but he felt the same way too, and he let himself lock eyes with Taeyong. 

His eyes looked just at Ten that way one night, a month after they'd first had sex when they came back to the dorm late, giggly and happy, no substances in their system but high off of life. 

"You just get me, you know?" Taeyong spoke suddenly, staring at Ten with that look in his eyes. 

Ten giggled back. "I do get you. And you get me," he answered. 

Taeyong sighed and shook his head, a smile still on his lips. "I wanna say something to you. It's a little...dangerous though." 

"You can't tease me like that!" Ten whined back, smiling too. "Just tell me."

"Fine. I was going to say you've looked beautiful tonight," Taeyong spoke, and Ten released awkward laughter. 

"That is dangerous," he responded, not quite sure of himself. Taeyong took a step closer and Ten looked up at him. "Don't tempt me," he spoke softly. 

"It's so hard though," Taeyong responded. 

"I know," Ten said, his voice almost dropping to a whisper. "It's hard for me too." 

"We've got to be good, not let ourselves get in trouble," Taeyong mumbled, and Ten stepped in closer himself. 

"We don't have an excuse this time; we're sober," Ten added. 

"It's true," Taeyong murmured. "But maybe I have a different excuse for this time." 

"What is it?" Ten asked in soft curiosity, their faces and chests only inches apart now. 

"If anyone asks why we did it," Taeyong responded. "I'll tell them Ten looked too beautiful tonight." 

And without a second thought Ten's lips were on Taeyong's. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"Oh god," Ten cried when he woke up the next morning. He wasn't hungover this time, but he most definitely had cum in his ass, and Taeyong was fucking spooning him. 

"Really?" Taeyong whined, burying his face in Ten's neck. 

"I can't believe us," Ten groaned with a facepalm. 

"I mean, it was even better than when we drunk," Taeyong mumbled. 

"That just makes it worse!" Ten whined back, and they fell silent for a few moments.

Taeyong sighed. "Ten..." Ten flipped around so they were facing each other. "I think we have to actually talk about this." 

Ten inhaled and exhaled. Fuck, he couldn't pretend any more. He would have to face the honest truth: that this wasn't lust anymore and he was falling head over heels for Lee Taeyong

"Cigarette?" Taeyong asked, noticing Ten's tension

"Cigarette," Ten answered firmly, and they made their way to the balcony. 

Taeyong handed Ten a cig and Ten pushed it between his lips. Taeyong lit the end of Ten's cigarette before lighting his own, exhaling the smoke up into the sky. 

"You're the most lovely man I've ever met," Taeyong started, his words soft. Ten sighed softly and shook his head. 

"Taeyong, you can't say things like that to me," Ten groaned back. 

"Why not?" Taeyong pushed back, his eyes growing angry. "It's true. And it's fucking dumb of us to pretend we're not feeling the way we do. I'm falling in love with you Ten, and I'm sure you're falling in love with me too." 

"It's true," Ten mumbled back, looking down at the floor of their fire escape. "You know, I don't know if I can live how we've been living any more. We only have two options: to continue living with this tension between us, or we see this thing we have through, no matter what it means for the group. Both options are so dangerous though; it's hard." 

Taeyong sighed. "Ten...god, Ten, you've changed me. I wanted this so badly, I needed this structure and roof over my head and career path. Is it crazy that I'd give up literally everything for you? But is it crazy that I'd give up all of this..." Taeyong asked, gesturing to their dorm and the SM building a few blocks away. "to be with you?" 

Ten's jaw dropped at Taeyong's confession. He swallowed thickly before finally shutting his mouth. 

"I-It is crazy," Ten nervously stuttered, looking back at Taeyong solemnely. "It's crazy, but I'd do it too. I wouldn't question; I'd do it in a heartbeat. You're one in a million, Lee Taeyong. I don't know if I'll ever find someone as special or as right for me as you. I think...I think now I know, that there's nothing we can do but try this out." 

Taeyong suddenly rushed over and pulled Ten into a tight hug. "I agree. I so, so, so, fucking agree." Ten clung to the front of Taeyong's t-shirt, the drama of the moment overwhelming him. 

"We've got to keep it a secret from the others, of course. We've got to be very careful, even if they seem accepting" Ten spoke. 

"That's a given," Taeyong responded into Ten's hair. "But even if they do find out, we'll be okay. Because now, we've got each other. Now that we have each other we'll always have somewhere to go." 

Ten and Taeyong were just two lost boys who found each other in the most unlikely of places. Two lost boys who had never truly experienced love in any form, giving each other whatever they could. They made a home out of each other and that, at least what they believed, was real love. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and... there's your finale!! The story is finally, truly, completed. I hope you all enjoyed! I felt like the story needed some background on Ten and Taeyong, plus I came up with the idea for this chapter almost immediately after I came up with the main plot, so I knew I had to write it. I'm not sure if it came out the way I wanted it to but I think it sums up how they became a couple well. 
> 
> Thank you so so so much for all of your subscribes, upvotes, and comments! They definitely mean the world to me. I've especially loved the reception I've gotten on this fic; it's a lot 'deeper' than what I usually write but I feel like the comments have gone in that direction as well. A special thank you to those of you who have commented!
> 
> In terms of what I'll be writing next, I typically work on an exo fic simoultaneously to an nct fic. Both of them will definitely be more light hearted and fluffy than this story, plus feature a lot more ships. My exo fic will be a 1960's road trip au, and my nct fic will be a high school soulmate au. Those should be up within the next day or two, so if you liked my writing and want to read more keep a look out for those! I've also crossposted this story and my latest exo fic on aff (I'm under the same username) so if you'd rather read there then you can check me out on that sight!
> 
> Again, thank you all so much for reading. Although this story was a bit crackish at times it really came from the bottom of my heart and is super duper important to me. I tried my best to deal with real issues affecting the lgbt+ community, and I hope I did well! You can definitely let me know how I did in the comments below. 
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> -Rainbow Donkeys


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